Beach Shark

Hahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahaha (choke!) (gag) (wheeze) hahahaha hahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahaha ((Stops for a moment to wipe a tear from his eye)) Hahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahaha (gasp!) (chuckle) (gip!)

(((takes a few deep breaths to calm his hysterics)))

I've just finished watching this film and it's a hoot! There's really not much more I can say about this unbelievably awful film. The acting, the script (what there is of one) the props, the special (hahahaha) effects (they have to be seen to be believed, I honestly haven't laughed this much in years) everything is so bad it's hilarious. One line in the film is a parody from Jaws but instead of "smile you son of a bitch" so heroically belted out by the great Roy Scheider, this donk yells out "smile you SAND of a bitch" (No seriously, this really is in the film I ain't kidding) We're talking reaching the bottom of the barrel here, breaking through the bottom and digging down until you can't dig anymore and then pitching a pile of dynamite at the end just to go that few feet lower. This film is THAT bad. A 2.6 rating on here? Most of the votes pushing this up have got to be joke votes or the director and casts families, this deserves to be lower than a 1.0 for sure "One more time for the road...Hahahahahahahaha

Plagiarism is defined in dictionaries as the "wrongful appropriation," "close imitation," or "purloining and publication" of another author's "language, thoughts, ideas, or expressions," and the representation of them as one's own original work (as copied from Wikipedia) The filming, camera work ,lighting, music and even some of the acting is OK to quite good, but God O'mighty the idea, and even most of the scenes are exactly like Jaws. At least the beginning of it that is. I don't recall if there were any scenes in the film that were not actually predictable when it wasn't being copied from jaws. ah yes I do remember,there weren't any. I wouldn't say that this movie is a complete waste of time because some of the crews actually worked very hard on this and I wouldn't want to neglect their work nor efforts, however that being said I am definitely not talking about the writers, producers or director. They should know better. I am glad to have watched this at home and not at a theatre where I would have to pay a large amount for it.

Oh dear Lord, this was horrible.

Well, actually I knew that right away from the title alone, but at the same time I wanted to see it because I knew it was going to be one of those campy movies that make you shake your head in disbelief, and trust me, it did.

The story itself is so amazingly ridiculous. Sharks swimming through sand. Come on. Who comes up with ideas like these?

And the cast, well even though some of them were actually putting on adequate performances, the movie was just weighed down by a poor plot and bad CGI effects.

There are lots of really bad shark movies available on the movie market, and "Sand Sharks" is right up there with them. It is utterly non-plausible and just down right stupid at times. "Sand Sharks" is worth a watch if you want something to laugh at while trying to recover from a bad hang over, and that is about it.

What's next, Concrete Alligators?

No seriously, what did I watch???

I didn't know whether to cry or laugh at the stupidity throughout the movie.

Sure the CGI isn't great, and the idea of sand sharks itself isn't exactly a genius' work, but that didn't really disturb me. I think the over and under the top acting was the worst part, additionally, whoever took part in writing the script should be shot. I've seen pornos or "romantic dramas" from 1995 with better scripts... (reference:"I like to play games").

I guess I would watch this movie again if friends came over and we would all get really really really high while watching the movie, then I would say it's an amazing comedy.

Sand Sharks (2012)

* 1/2 (out of 4)

JAWS meets TREMORS in this silly, straight-to-DVD creature feature that lacks any real bite. A small town discovers that there is a deadly shark swimming through the sand but they're able to destroy it before a bunch of college kids show up for a beach party. As you'd guess, it turns out that the shark was just a baby and soon its mother shows up. If you're looking for some sort of classic then it's best to stick with one of the films mentioned before. If you're looking for a really cheap, really silly movie then SAND SHARKS might just be for you. When you go into a movie like this quality isn't what you should be looking for but instead you can just hope for some "so bad it's good" moments and this film offers plenty of those. I must admit that there were several times where I found myself laughing extremely loud at what's going on in this thing. The first glimpses of the sharks swimming around in the sand were rather hilarious and there are other bits of comedy here that works. One such example is a scene where a woman gets bitten in two and the guy with her tries to save her life by attaching her guts together. The film certainly shouldn't be taken too serious as there are so many logical problems here. With that said, what really kills this movie is the fact that it clocks in at a way-too-long 90-minutes. Remember when movies like this clocked in less than 70-minutes? I guess the films of today must clock in at 90-minutes for television but it's really too bad because if you took out the boring personal drama crap then you'd be left with a fun monster movie. Believe it or not but the performances are actually above average for this type of thing and it appears that Brooke Hogan took some acting classes as her work here is much better than we saw in 2-HEADED SHARK ATTACK. I'm a little surprised that the producers didn't get into some trouble because there are several scenes that rip-off JAWS and the heads of the monsters also rip off the ones in TREMORS. This film here isn't nearly in the same league as those two classics but with dialogue like "We're stuck between a rock and a shark place," you can at least have a laugh.