Murdercise

I thought we stopped making nonsense like this in the eighties.

Murdercise seems to have been made in backlots and unused offices by wannabe porn stars playing dress up and pretend.

Everything, and I do mean everything is awful.

The acting, awful. The direction, awful. The plot, awful. It seems very much like a film made during covid and that is not a compliment.

I usually don't like to give one star ratings to movies anymore because it takes a lot of effort to get an indie film made these days. But in this case, I will make an exception. It has a depressingly cheap and sleazy feel to the whole thing.

Between the sexy girls & fun 80s aesthetic mixed with comedic slasher elements, this is a fantastic done fun movie! Acting is perfect for what this is. Don't expect an Oscar winning performance.

It also meets that old school 80s workout energy that's more sexual tension than a hardcore routine. Sexual energy is off the charts, especially when it starts off with huge fake double D's! Who doesn't enjoy a huge rack in any type of media?

So sit down, order a pizza & break out that fleshlight with a bottle of lube that you've been needing an excuse to use. This flick has got it all. If you're into that kinda stuff that is.

No date is given but the setting is obviously the wonderful 1980's. Within the first minute or so a busty babe has stripped off and is taking a shower, a few seconds later and she is murdered. The main plot has a group of attractive young women shooting a fitness video in a studio (on tape, naturally), our main girl Phoebe is all innocent but sleazy director Gino and his cameraman want more sex than exercise. "All those girls out there are strippers, perverts and communists!" exclaims Phoebe before she loses the plot and turns into a killer. But she's not alone, oh no - for good measure a pair of fake cops with a taste for sex and murder are thrown into the mix for (very) good measure. The slasher movie "Killer Workout" aka "Aerobicide" (1987) springs to mind. Murdercide, with its blue/purple lighting, mist machine, Walkman, sweatbands and VHS tapes etc is a very good homage to the 1980's. The budget was obviously low, some of the acting is "bad" but I'm sure that was intentional and some of the kills are pretty gory. The best one has a man have his head chainsawed in half. I went into this not expecting much but I'm pleased to say that I enjoyed it, pretty good fun and a movie that I'd probably want to watch again. Catchy soundtrack too.

Ah, man, the flick they call "Murdercise," it's a wild ride, a real trip, a journey into the heart of hilarity and horror, all wrapped up in one. I found myself caught in the rhythm of it, the beat of the dialogue, the pulse of the laughter. It's a thing of beauty, man, a thing of beauty.

You see, some of those indie horror films out there, they're like a jazz solo gone wrong, all over the place, missing the beat, losing the groove. They try to make up for it with the spectacle of effects, the thrill of the kill, but it's like putting a band-aid on a broken saxophone. It just doesn't sing, man.

But "Murdercise," oh, it sings. It's got that rhythm, that flow, that dialogue that dances and twirls like a couple lost in love on a moonlit night. It's hilarious, man, a real knee-slapper, a belly laugh that comes from deep within the soul.

And the runtime, just under 90 minutes, it's perfect, man, just perfect. It's like a well-crafted poem, not a word wasted, not a moment lost. It moves, it grooves, it never drags, never lags. It's a ride that keeps on rolling, keeps on moving, keeps on grooving.

Kansas Bowling, she's a star, a real shining light. Her character is a laugh, a hoot, a real funny bone tickler. She nails it, man, nails it like a hammer hitting a nail right on the head. It's a performance to remember, a performance to savor.

And Jessa Daisy, oh, she's got a scene, man, a scene that'll make you laugh till you cry, laugh till you're out of breath. She's perfect in it, just perfect. And Drew Mavrick, he's right there with her, laughing and joking and making you laugh right along with him.

"Murdercise," it's a film that's got it all, man. It's got the laughs, it's got the thrills, it's got the chills. It's a wild ride, a wild journey, a wild trip into the heart of what makes us laugh, what makes us feel, what makes us human.

So take the ride, man, take the trip. Dive into the world of "Murdercise" and let it take you away, let it sweep you off your feet, let it make you laugh like you've never laughed before. It's a film to remember, a film to cherish, a film to love. It's "Murdercise," man, and it's a real trip.

You're trying to make a movie about someone making a fitness video yet the person who's leading the video is the biggest girl there. And the rest of the girls look like dudes. I've literally seen better movies made in the early to mid '80s. This had a horrible plot. Horrible acting terrible actresses some of the worst puns and jokes I've ever heard. This movie seemed so phoned in on every single level and then to top it off you have ginger. Lynn who looks like a 73-year-old man showing off her raisin wrinkle skin. Pretty hard to get through without vomiting. Cheesy doesn't even begin to describe it. Zero Stars.