Citations

Tri bogatyrya i Shamakhanskaya tsaritsa

[reading an inscription written on the wall]
Raven: Ah-ha! Pitcher... tears... .It's all clear - tears of thousands of your subjects' beautiful girls should fill the jar. That's all.
Queen: What do you mean, "All".
Raven: Pour these tears on the tree. It shall blossom, fruit and you'll get your eternal youth!
Queen: Well, go over it again. Tears of one's subjects?
Raven: That's how it's drawn - tears of your subjects... . Well, beauties.
Queen: Deceiver!
[the queen hurls her scepter at the raven]
Narrator: The queen is upset - very upset. And all because she does not like beautiful women. How long have they plagued her in her kingdom.

[the raven's magic feather turns into a book when it lands on the library's table]
Prince of Kiev: Where are all the books?
Horse Yuliy: All around you.
Prince of Kiev: Interesting, interesting. What's this?
[picks up the magic book and reads the title]
Prince of Kiev: "Generation X?" Why "X"
Horse Yuliy: Because we live in the Tenth Century!

[the queen picks a fruit off the regenerated magic tree and eats it, resulting in her youth and beauty being restored]
Raven: Seems to work.
[the queen rushes forward and shakes the remaining fruit from the tree]
Raven: Hey, you... you're... Don't eat so much. Do you hear? Stop! Don't!
[the queen grabs and hurls the raven against the wall]
Queen: Go away!
[when the raven regains consciousness, all he hears is a baby crying]

[last lines]
Prince of Kiev: It's boring. It's boring. And with the wedding not working out... .
Grandee: But it was fun. What snacks!... I mean the trouble with these women. Trouble! Here I also had a bad situation. In Veronezh, it was...
[the raven leaves a bundle on the prince's windowsill, caws harshly, then flies away. The prince opens the bundle and finds a beautiful baby girl wrapped inside]
Grandee: Wow!
Prince of Kiev: Coochie choochie coo! What a cutie, huh?
[the baby coos happily, then her eyes flash and the queen's manical adult laughter is heard as the screen goes black]

Narrator: Whether they're a Saracen or a Russian, a prince or a simple soldier, there is no greater joy for a warrior than to return safe and sound to his family.

Raven: Hmmph. A talking horse. What an absurdity.
Horse Yuliy: Horse yourself. I am a talking steed! And you - you're a Shemakhanian penguin! PFFFTT!

Prince of Kiev: Boring. Boring. All I do is sit on the throne all day.and the years go by.
Grandee: So go hiking, Princeling. Exercise those legs of yours.
Prince of Kiev: Nooo, it's not princely to walk. People will laugh.
Grandee: You could walk around the castle. No one would notice. What if someone you meet asks, "Where is the library?" Everyone will respect you?
Prince of Kiev: I have a library?

[the Queen leaps into her carriage to make a getaway where she is confronted by Babka]
Babka: I just wanted to ask - is Shemakhan wheat expensive?
Queen: Who are you? Go away!
Babka: How much for a bag, eh?
Queen: What kind of bag?
Tikhon: This one!
[the old man throws a bag over the queen's head]
Queen: Get off me!
Babka: Tikhon! Tie her!

[Alesha has just beaten the spiked-tooth monster that planned to eat Yully]
Alesha Popovich: What a pity. He seemed like a nice guy. We could have been friends.
Horse Yuliy: What do you mean nice? He was a dead-end branch of evolution!

[first lines]
Narrator: To summarize, our heroes have gathered together. No dark army can trespass, no beast can slip past unnoticed - and yes, there is a beast... the fly that would not fly away. A beast indeed!
[the three heroes break their pose to swat at the annoying fly, angering the painter of their portrait]
Nastasya: I didn't say you could move!

[the three heroes have just vanquished the evil queen's army of magical ogres]
Ilya: So who is the best hero in Russia?
Alesha Popovich, Ilya, Dobrynya: WE ARE!

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