Face à la tornade

"Metal Tornado" (2011) is another Syfy creature feature, although this time the "monster" is -- you guessed it -- a metal tornado, a magnetic vortex that attracts an increasing amount of metal objects (cars, toasters, etc.) and moves about according to an iron vein under the earth.

Aside from the protagonist Lou Diamond Phillips and Kate Drummond, the latter as a barely seen biker babe, the cast is blasé (although the youth who plays Diamond's son is good). Nicole de Boer is also on hand.

As noted in my title blurb, "Metal Tornado" is surprisingly well done for a made-for-TV creature feature; unfortunately it's unmemorable. There's nothing about it that makes it standout from the scores of similar TV movies. Although it tries to work up suspense, it lacks drive, and it's definitely NOT horrifying. Ultimately, it just comes across as hackneyed and forgettable.

"Metal Tornado" is only worth viewing if you have a preference for one or more of the cast members and you have an unquenchable hunger for these types of trite movies.

The story takes place in Pennsylvania, with many shots of Philadelphia (and some of Paris), but the film was shot in Ottawa.

The runtime is 90 minutes.

GRADE: C-

Trying to find a new, much more powerful way of using solar energy, scientists are setting free a magnetic field which roams across the country, whirling around every kind of metal thing, until the effect is a metal tornado which destroys towns almost like a very big lawnmower. Every time the hero is asked just how scientific the whole thing is, he says something like "No time to explain now", and starts to run. So much for that. Following the clichés of the genre, there is a rebellious genius, warning that a catastrophe is near, and an evil business man who wants to hush the whole thing up even at the cost of some lives. With increasing power of the storm, they have to work together and find a possible solution, though.

Yes, it's a typical genre movie going by the checklist what's got to be in there, but still it was better than I expected. It was wise just to put a town in Pennsylvania in danger, not having to save the whole world this time. A parallel event in Paris is also described, the Eiffel tower being a perfect choice for any catastrophe related to magnetism, but since all the main characters are in the US, this string of the story remains pale.

Even if the special effects are very, very cheap - such as rattling a shelf with tin cans to show the tornado is approaching - it looks okay for a TV production. Always keep in mind we are talking about small budget TV here, comparisons to Hollywood blockbusters with their enormous technical capabilities are therefore neither reasonable nor fair. Taking that into consideration, I vote 6 of 10.

Despite it airing on the notorious SyFy channel, I saw it anyway hoping for a film to ease my mind after a very on-edge weekend. I have seen some awful movies, whether on SyFy or not, and while SyFy have done much worse, Metal Tornado was awful. I will give some credit, the acting is not too bad, there has been far worse acting than this. The problem was that the actors didn't have anything to work from, as the characters are so dull I didn't give a tuppence about them and the dialogue has no natural flow to it at all. The effects, photography and editing are haphazard and the music has melodrama written all over it, but it's the story that sinks Metal Tornado, not only does it drag to the point of boredom and doesn't make any sense whatsoever, I failed to see the point to it. The concept didn't grab me, and at the end of the day I just didn't care. All in all, I was kind of expecting it to be bad, but not this awful. At least the actors tried, however that is the only good thing I can say about the movie. 2/10 Bethany Cox

I'm rolling on the floor still laughing my guts out. Thanks for the HUGE laugh. Bad acting, bad computer generated graphics, bad story plot. I bet any money that director is out of work. LMAO.

Update: I tried to save the above to the point review, but this site said my review wasn't long enough, which only added to my wet spot in my pants from laughing so much from the movie. Just what more can I say about the worst movie I ever saw. Poor Richie must be hard up for cash these days. Anyhow, I'm going to try and save this review again with this new paragraph in hopes it will make it to the review section.

Another Update: Oh My Freekin God. I have to have 10 lines in order for this review to be valid? I'm on muscle relaxants now to calm my pulled gut muscles from laughing so much.

...if you imagine it as a porno. It is seriously so cheesy, you expect someone to just take their clothes off any second. It's one of those movies where you think you've seen that actor in another movie, but naw, surely someone in this movie wouldn't have ever had another role, but NO!! These actors were literally in other movies/shows! Its so bad, you expect this to be a YouTube film! Literally save yourself the money and find something on youtube to watch, you'll be much happier. All in all though, if you like B-movies.... stay away. This classifies as Z-list, right up there with "A Grave Mistake." However if you are into Z-listers, be my guest... I sat through it all because it deserves a fair chance and I like cheesy movies, but don't expect anything more. Seriously, it would've done better as a porno.