Witchslayer Gretl

It was with very little expectations that I sat down to watch the 2012 TV movie "Witchslayer Gretl". Why? Well, take a look at the synopsis and the cast ensemble, it just doesn't bode well.

But still, it could be a surprise and actually turn out to be an enjoyable movie. But no, that was not the case. I managed to last probably halfway through this movie before I finally dozed off and fell asleep. And let me say that it had already been a struggle up to the halfway point to stay awake, because the movie was just boring and didn't offer much of anything interesting.

The characters in the movie were two-dimensional and had nothing in terms of being memorable or particularly likable.

And the fact that the storyline was just as predictable as it was uninspiring, just didn't help in favor of the movie.

I awoke to the end credits and I must honestly admit that I have no intentions of returning to finish the last half of the movie, because I saw enough in the first half, and I can pretty much figure out the rest just by guessing, as the movie was that predictable.

The special effects were adequate, although they were on the cheap side of the scale, and that didn't really work out so well for the movie, especially since a fantasy movie should have some believable effects, if not have effects that bedazzle the audience.

For hardcore fans of fairy tales, then I am sure that there is something worthwhile on this alternate approach to the classic tale. But for a regular movie enthusiast, not so much.

As a person who loves "so bad that it's good genre", I have a very high tolerance for cheaply made, low budget, badly acted garbage that are so often spat out, especially for straight to TV scene.

This one is pretty dull even for this "genre" though. The best words to describe it are probably dull and uninspiring. The thing that usually saves this kind of movies is sense of fun, which is nowhere to be found here.

The story is very loosely based on old German folk tales and I would want to say... "tries to capture the spirit of fairytale adventure or sword and sorcery tropes" but unfortunately I can not. It seems quite opposite. It seems the production team didn't even try.

Action scenes are very badly made, even for this level of production, story makes little sense and the scenery in which the story unfolds practically doesn't change at all. It's like the whole movie was made on one small location, in someone's backyard.

The acting is not worse than it should be for such a film and all the female actresses look good. Costumes are okey, but all the other props and "cgi" is laughably bad.

Overall, you won't be able to enjoy it even if you're a fan of bad movies.

A grown-up Hansel is hunting witches with his assistant Lara. He rescues Ehren from warlock Abyss but he fears her magic. He would rather kill her but Lara convinces him otherwise. Abyss' queen turns out to be Hansel's long lost sister Gretel (Shannen Doherty) who was taken by a witch and assumed killed.

I only know Paul McGillion as the affable Dr. Carson Beckett from Stargate: Atlantis. This is a completely different role and doesn't fit him. He's not that dark. As with many Syfy shows of that era, this looks cheap and the CGI is cheap. The premise is interesting and there is good potential with these characters. In the end, this is a cheap TV fantasy movie.

If you finished the title of this review without thinking, you're familiar with the flavor of "Gretl: Witch Hunter."

Saturday afternoon matinée sword 'n sorcery at it's middlest. The anachronisms might cause you to throw your (empty) beer at the screen, but in mock anger, much like the actors.

The conditions I watched this under weren't the best, so I won't speak to cinematography, but the FX match up with the latter episodes of Xena, though not quite to Legend of the Seeker or certainly Game of Thrones, but, well...

If you have a few hours, a few beers, and maybe a good friend to laugh with, it's not time completely wasted.

Presumably a sequel to the 1812 fairy tale by the Brothers Grimm about a brother & sister and their run-in with a witch in the forests of medieval Germany, Hansel and Gretl (SIC) are now in their late 30s or so. Hansel (Paul McGillion) desperately searches for his sister who was apprehended by a witch queen when they were kids; he teams-up with a former witch, Lara (Sarain Boylan), and the vengeful daughter of a blacksmith, Ehren (Emilie Ullerup). Shannen Doherty is on hand in a vital role and Jefferson Brown plays a warlock.

"Witchslayer Gretl" (2012) was SyFy's knockoff of the big budget "Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters" (2013), which debuted eleven months later. There were a couple of other mockbusters: The Asylum's "Hansel & Gretel" (2013) and Lionsgate's "Hansel & Gretel: Warriors of Witchcraft" (2013). Witch-themed films were trendy at the time with "Beautiful Creatures" (2013) and, later, "The Last Witch Hunter" (2015), these two being the only ones I've seen before viewing this one.

McGillion looks miserable here, but this can be defended on the grounds that his character demanded an air of grave determination in a life-or-death situation. Doherty is quite good in a double role. Meanwhile Sarain Boylan is spirited and Emilie Ullerup is fetching. You KNOW at least one of these characters is going to be dead by the end and I was quite surprised with who buys the farm; kudos to the writers for having gonads.

I love the sylvan locations and there's a lot of forest action, along with several sequences at a witch grotto, but the movie struck me as cheesy from the get-go. It's like a second-rate meshing of "Grimm's Snow White" (2012), Robin Hood and "First Knight" (1995). (I realize the first one was an Asylum movie, but it was actually quite effective for its low-budget and lousy CGI; and IMHO better than the film it knocked off, "Snow White and the Huntsman"). On the positive side, the spirited Lara won me over by the end and I enjoyed the heartwarming relationships of the protagonists.

The film runs 1 hour, 28 minutes and was might have been shot in Canada since it's a Canadian production (I can't find any info).

GRADE: C/C- (4.5/10)