Jor-El says write a bad review.
So as expected Prophecy was as ridiculous as all past episodes but Collateral, The One exception. Viewers who have endured Smallville so far deserve a gold medal considering how the show managed to trench a 10th season will remain a mystery for future generations. The very beginning I just knew it would go wrong, as always. First during the opening credits Mike Rohl as the director didn't ring a bell and as for the two writers, Emile Brian and Shaundy Kaufmann if I remember correctly, I suppose they were hired in a hurry as I heard most people behind the show were fired because of budget cuts. Lucky for them the desperate performers had no choice but to stick until the finale – Zod bless. As for the story it started with the usual boring twist, right before the tiresome title sequence. They couldn't have been more predictable ! The audience still in love with season 1 should be in heaven because in term of skills Tom Welling and Erica Durance were back to square one. The second actually reminded me of Kristin Kreuk, Lana Lang in case you have already forgot, in her worst days and this is an euphemism. As special agent Sterling Malory Archer said to her secretary : « Please don't cry, you're so ugly ». Durance's onion acting was painful to watch and in fact I had to look away. As for Welling his charisma has reached the bottom of TV abyss. Like if it wasn't enough their arc was dry and didn't develop their relationship in anyway. In fact it tasted like a cold plate of mashed potatoes, like the ones Martha Kent cooked us in season 9's Hostage – an other Better Dead Than Alien semi-finale. And as for the naive ending I let you appreciate it because it should even turn your delicious popcorn caramel into Salt Kryptonite !
It leads us to Justin Hartley who was back again when I thought he had decided not to go for an encore. @#C!%Ω$S?¶& – Sorry for this minor glitch in my prose but it seems I have just been hacked – Now that I have restarted my brain, and fried its remaining neurons, let's go back to Oliver Queen. How arrogant to unveil an arc inspired by Indiana Jones and Louis Febre's music was just a noisy sumphōnia (from Ancient Greek) ! Hartley is not Harrison Ford and this time he didn't even take the time to remove his shirt to reveal his hairy and skinny bust. Things became unbearable when he was joined by the weakest link in the chain. I would rather raid my own tomb in the dark than believe Green Arrow could represent the hero within all of us. Bow before me my queen because I guard a pot of gold right at the rainbow tail. That's for you Cassidy Freeman because undertaking Oliver's sidekick was as painful as seeing her as Tess "Lara Croft" Mercer in season 9's Echo. The only juicy strawberry in that rotten bowl was her nearly absence as we only had to endure her hideous face and despicable talent for some seconds. Freeman if you hear me, I haet you !
To sum things up it was an other rabid walk in the park. A tainted ice fortress full of fake emotions, empty character development and dead boring entertainment. And with such a pathetic cliffhanger I can't see how the ultimate finale could redeemed the 215 episodes – oh my Zod ! – we had to put up with so far.
Now Jor-El said it was our last trial before The Finale so let's embrace our destiny and be the viewer Smallville needs us to be ! Lois & Clark ? My idols.
Note : I dedicate this upside down review to all people in the world who hate the show and will sadly never understand why it's so super and inspiring. But you're still welcome to join us anytime so just tune in Zod damni !
