Texas Chainsaw 3D

Any time a classic horror movie is remade or rebooted there's a great chance it's not going to be good. This is not a good movie. The plot is pretty stupid. There is some bad dialogue. Forget about how much you like the original and just watch some people get hacked up for barbecue.

I have a confession: I liked the two remakes by Platinum Dunes. I thought they were entertaining, dumb horror films and dare I say it, actually kinda scary. They weren't masterpieces or anything but I enjoyed them for the most part so when I found out yet another Texas Chainsaw movie was coming out, and even though I wasn't impressed with the trailer, I decided to go see it.

What was I thinking?

I think you are forced to see it in 3D because, well, it says 3D on it but most of the time you forgot you are even watching it in 3D. It adds nothing to this movie. The movie starts off showing clips of the very original Texas Chainsaw Massacre which confused me because it totally obliterates the remakes. Actually it ignores the sequels too as the story picks off from there. It starts off with these hicks burning down the home of Leatherface and his family and one of the hicks takes a baby and kills the mother. Flash-forward to.... how many years later? Is it supposed to be 2012 because the baby should around forty, not in her early twenties as she clearly looks like. Anyway, she finds out she inherited this house and her and her cookie-cutter friends and some hitchhiker who appears nice only turns out to be a thief all go there. Then Leatherface turns out to be in the basement and all hell breaks loose.

This movie is so stupid I don't know where to begin. Well, the actions of the characters are just stupid. Before I get into that, though, there is one good scene in the film when Leatherface is chasing them but it all goes downhill from there. The movie offers up these turn of events that make no sense whatsoever. A cop goes back to the house alone and there is no backup anywhere in sight for one lone cop in a house with a crazed psycho with a chainsaw. Then characters turn bad for stupid reasons and one of them that played an intricate part of the storyline just disappears somewhere, never to be heard from again. Then by the end of the film, I don't even know who to root for the main heroine turns completely idiotic. Oh, and the ending just plain sucked.

This film is bad in so many levels. I kept thinking, "Who wrote this crap?" in so many parts of the movie. There wasn't many people at the theater either and I saw it at a night showing. If that's an indication, there might not be another Texas Chainsaw movie. Oh well.

Sadistic campy entertainment that is glorious! I'm one of very few people that appreciates Texas Chainsaw, oddly I saw in the theater and was traumatized a little. Dan Yeager did great as Leatherface! The cinematography is pretty good and I am satisfied with the way everything occurs.

Is Texas Chainsaw 3D a good movie?... well that depends. If you can't get past a stupid script, cardboard characters and the fact that by the implied time line our plucky heroine (Alexandra Daddario) should be in her 40s not barely in her 20s, then, no. But, if you can sit back and just enjoy a hot babe running around being pursued by a chainsaw wielding maniac who has a knack for carving up her stupid friends, then, yes, it's unintentionally goofy, gory fun. Chainsaw 3D is a direct sequel to the 1974 classic that opens with a vengeful redneck mob laying siege to the house occupied by Leatherface and a lot of other family members that weren't there in the original. A baby is found on the property and we cut to 2012 (the date is confirmed on a tombstone as September 2012) where Heather (Daddario), has magically only grown up to be 20 something and is an amazingly hot butcher at a supermarket. She soon gets word that her grandmother (original Chainsaw heroine Marilyn Burns), that she didn't know she had, has died and left her a house in Texas. Whoa! Adopted and now rich! Heather goes down to the house with some generic stereotype friends who seem handpicked to be murdered which is smart because there just happens to be another family member living hidden in the house like Bad Ronald (70s TV movie reference. Google it.) and he just happens to like world peace, romantic evenings, chainsaws and wearing peoples faces. Before you can say,gratuitous ass close-up, Leatherface emerges from hiding and starts hacking up everyone he can find. Throw in some sleazy rednecks, some redneck cops (including Scott Eastwood, Clint's son) and it's a redneck smörgåsbord...literally as the body parts fly fast and furious. Sure, director John Luessenhop doesn't really generate much suspense or scares from the incredibly dumb script but, Chainsaw 3D reminded me of some of the lower tier 80s slasher flicks that were entertaining despite and because of how bad they were. There are numerous references to the original flick and I just had fun watching a chubby, balding Leatherface carving up all the unlikable characters when not chasing his hot cousin around trying to kill her. Alexandra Daddario was a fine (and I mean FINE) and feisty heroine and I liked her character's twist once she finds out who she really is and that she now has to buy her chainsaw wielding cousin a Christmas Card every year... if he lets her live. Yes, Chainsaw 3D is a very dumb and silly horror flick but, it also is blood drenched fun if you go in not expecting much and stop comparing it to the movie it's trying to honor. And despite how bad it's written, the film is trying to honor it's roots and we get some fun cameos to prove it and when it's all said and done it can be a good time if you just sit back and enjoy watching hot chicks in peril and sleazy rednecks meeting chainsaw justice. A few beers before the show wouldn't hurt... if fact it might be a good idea.

Texas Chainsaw 3D (2013)

*** (out of 4)

Heather Mills (Alexandra Daddario) and her three friends travel to a small Texas town so that she can claim her inheritance but soon she realizes that Leatherface (Dan Yeager) is in the basement and her past has a connection to him. Texas CHAINSAW is a film that's probably going to swing fans of the series both ways but overall I actually thought it was the second best film in the franchise behind the original of course. I will say that the producers, writers and director showed some serious balls because much like HALLOWEEN: H20, this film is a direct sequel to the first film. Yes, the events here don't fully match up with the events in that first film but it was interesting seeing the clips from the first movie and how they tied up what happened after Sally got away and then started this new story. Does it all work? Not at all but I still found the film to be a lot of fun. One reason is that Leatherface is returned to his full glory of being something rather scary and I thought there were a couple great jump scenes. I normally don't fall for these jumps scenes but the ones here worked. I also thought the film delivered some very memorable gore scenes but those paying the extra cash for the 3D will probably be cheated. In fact, the few "3D" moments here really take you out of what's going on. For the most part I thought the cast was a lot of fun and this includes Daddario in her role in the lead. I also thought Yeager made for a good Leatherface and perhaps the best since the first film. Speaking of which, it's nice seeing that Tobe Hopper and Kim Henkel were involved and we even have Gunnar Hansen and Marilyn Burns in small roles. I'm sure the ending will lead to some controversy among horror fans. While it's incredibly predictable what's going to happen, I must say I liked it and it made me excitement for a sequel. Texas CHAINSAW 3D is far from perfect but it's a good way to get the franchise back up and running.