You Hurt My Feelings

You Hurt my Feelings tells the story of a long-standing couple that risks breaking up when Beth (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) a struggling novelist, finds out that her husband Don (Tobias Menzies) never actually liked her new unpublished novel but always told her otherwise.

The film is at its best when it captures the intimacy of a middle-aged couple, and a form of unwavering love that, albeit a bit dispassionate, is evidently honed through many years of life together and complicity. The best scene is probably at the center of the film that shows the two characters confessing their white lies (such as never liking each other's presents) to each other on their couch, in a light tone.

Ultimately, the film is about how white lies are the oil that enable relationships -and indeed society- to work. Whether it's an opinion on a book you didn't like, a statement on how your partner looks after surgery or the hiding of a sweater at a goodwill event so it will not be taken, white lies make society livable and give people zones of personal freedom that make life more gentle. In contrast, the character of Beth's mom, who role models a life of unfiltered honesty, shows how unbearable, antisocial and dysfunctional that behavior can be.

Unfortunately, the film also spends a bit too much time depicting how much New Yorkers love themselves. Where they shop, where they have lunch, their bookstores, their expensive furniture stores. All of the staples of the stereotypical New York neighborhood are checked like so many boxes. As is the constant flow of words from the New Yorkers themselves, mixing erudition with profanity in a very "big apple" way. However hard it may be for New Yorkers to hear, most of us really don't care that much about their lifestyle.

Overall, however, the film is original, memorable and well acted, and it states a point of view about society and humanity that is both different and intriguing.

It was hard to figure out what exactly the takeaways were from this casually paced 2023 comedy, but director/screenwriter Nicole Holofcener appears to prefer it that way because she has a uniquely ramshackle way of depicting the messiness of life through her comically flawed characters. The meandering plot focuses on a tightly knit group of upscale Manhattan narcissists basking in a culture of positivity only to fall apart when each is confronted with honesty. That's what happened to the central couple when Beth, a marginally successful novelist, finds out her failing therapist husband Don hates her latest book draft but doesn't have the temerity to tell her. Julia Louis-Dreyfus starred in Holofcener's superior "Enough Said" and plays the novelist here with her trademark wit intact. The rest of the expert cast perform in a typical Woody Allen-like deadpan manner including Jeannie Berlin as Beth's irascible mother and Michaela Watkins (she reminds me of Kathryn Hahn) as Beth's acerbically evasive decorator sister.

This is indeed a movie about feelings - the small stuff that feels huge, the little insecurities that loom large, the daily omissions that's pile up into dishonesty. And the thing is: every moment feels real enough to be recognizable and hilarious (and uncomfortable) all at once. And that's not just because I'm a middle aged guy who wants to be a writer and is scared to death his story/stories suck. This film felt relatable less because the circumstances mirrored my own and more because I'm a self conscious human. And my guess is we all are. This may not be a laugh at loud comedy, but it is about as relatable add it gets.

Sometimes it is good to go out on a date, and watch a movie that will not change the course of the night. It is neither hilarious or boring, just an interesting story that can happen to all of us, when we try to please our partner.

The cast is good, Julia Louis-Dreyfus can be funny without forcing it, so the movie flows well. The movie is flat, but not in a bad way, it is a good entertainment and goes fast, but you probably won't cry or burst out laughing. It is just a good movie, where you probably arrive and leave in a same state of mind, in peace.

There are some clever jokes, and some reflection about our own behavior, but nothing too deep.

Enjoy, without big expectations, just a good entertainment.

This is a simple concept but carried out very well. Don (Tobias Menzies) and Beth (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) are a long-time, loving couple. They live in Manhattan. He is a Psychiatrist with what appears to be a thriving practice. She is a published writer who also teaches writing to small groups. They have a 23-yr-old son who works at a smoke shop and wonders what better might be in store for him.

Most of the first half hour of the movie establishes the setting and interactions between the couple, her mother, the son, some patients. Beth is writing her second book, her first novel, and seems to be having difficulty getting it published. Don always reads her drafts and tells her how good they are. He encourages her. Their relationship appears ideal.

Then it happens, Beth and her sister come upon Don in a shop, as they approach hear him tell his B. I. L. That he doesn't really think Beth's book is good but he praises it for her encouragement. Beth is devastated, she leaves without Don ever knowing that she overheard. Until days later, after Beth has been acting cold towards him.

And the rest of the movie is the real story, how they sort this out, how they develop an understanding of lying vs not hurting the others' feelings. In the process Don also learns how he might become a more effective Psychiatrist.

Good, interesting relationship movie. My wife and I watched it at home on DVD from our public library.