Double Down

Neil Breen is a writer, director, producer and the star in several movies of his own making. This is one of them.

There's a certain secret to watching a Neil Breen movie and that is, "just go with it". Trust me because otherwise you will be sitting there why is this scene happening and what was Neil Breen on when he wrote it. Trying to figure out what goes on in a Neil Breen movie leads to madness.

In this movie Neil Breen plays a secret agent / hacker / bio-weapon that is capable of curing brain cancer and using several laptops at once. These laptops are scattered all over the desert where a large majority of the movie takes place.

And really that's it. You can watch this movie and not really get the plot assuming there is one and he didn't just go all Scott Shaw on us and give it the "Zen film making technique" where there's no script, the loosest concept of a plot and you only act when the moment feels right.

Nobody in this, or any of his other movies, can act including Neil. It's like he got a bunch of amateurs together and let them loose.

Don't bother with this one, or any of his other movies, unless you are looking for something that it truly incomprehensible.

Neil is an artist, magician, visionary and god. He is the overlord of modern cinema. Watching any of his films, especially this one is better than sex. The plot, cinematography and acting is magical and very unique. Neil is also a technological genius and can use a computer more effectively and efficiently than most software developers.

I saw a segment from the web-show 'Best of the Worst' which featured clips from this... do we call it a 'film'(?) It made me intrigued by just how insane the actor-writer-producer-director (also caterer-production manager-designer-music-score etc etc) Neil Breen made this tone poem about a man who becomes a sort of weapon against the world while also having the super-human ability to heal people with brain cancer and yet spends all of his time in the desert, living off of tuna fish cans and his several laptops where he organizes his plans to dominate and possibly blow up the world but hey it's okay because he "supports the troops" and mourns for his dead wife which... how did she die again?!

This movie is utter, incomprehensible nonsense of a magnificent order. You can't believe what is before your eyes exists, but apparently through the sheer will-power of ego and drive, one man can make a movie by himself basically single-handedly - well, also, a lot, and I mean a LOT, of stock footage helps. Not to say the other actors (are they actors) help much (they don't), or any sense of forward momentum or drive. It almost appears like it's some sort of desperate plea in the guise of an espionage thriller narrative (hell, even on the front cover of the DVD the quote says "Stunning... desperation..." as if the critic, if it was one, was marking this as a cry for help).

At the same time as an ego-trip spectacle of the worst order, it may be more unwatchable than The Room; at least in the case of Tommy Wiseau, he had a certain oddball, off-the-wall charm and deranged charisma (or just bafflement) that could keep your eyes glued. What makes Neil Breen such a train-wreck to watch is more-so the filmmaking, how it is apparently shot on film in 2005 but he and everything else looks like it was shot in the early 80's, and is over-loaded with a gargantuan amount of narration, and at times one wonders if this Neil Breen whoever has telekinetic capabilities with those he acts across on screen since he talks and we hear it without him moving his mouth (!)

It's not a sight to recommend legitimately in any way shape or form - matter of fact it's one of the ten worst things ever committed to celluloid, like you halfway expect for the Beast at Yucca Flats to arrive - but if you decide to watch it with friends, it will be one of the great bonding experiences of your lives. Watching Double Down is like going through the trenches with an A-grade certified psycho who is full of himself and tuna and the electronic impulses giving him a heartbeat for some reason.

I know that some of you won't believe me, but this movie actually makes The Room look good. Yep, it's that bad. How bad you ask? Well, how about voice over for the first 25 minutes of the film. How about an anti-hero (played by the director/screenwriter/head bottle washer) with the tech powers of a god, who eats tuna from a can in his rundown car. And when we do finally get dialog, it's so clumsily written it's laugh out loud funny. "Worst than 9-11, or the other major attacks like 9-11" And the plot? Good luck with that. How any movie with this much voice over can be as unfollow-able, hell just plain incomprehensible, is one of the wonders of the modern age. Is he a good guy, bad guy, crazy, sane? Who know? Who cares? You sure as hell won't. Trust me. There is absolutely NOTHING redeeming about this film.

I don't need much to live on anymore. I just eat tuna out of the can and live in the car.