La dernière noce

***SPOILERS*** The film "Deadly Honeymoon" seems to have been based on a true story which is why I suspect it's ending is so unlike in the made for TV movies you usually see on the Lifetime Movie Network. Even the one's based on true stories! What's so frustrating about the movie is that it tries so hard to give us the impression that the two victims in it the newly wed Forrests Lindsey & Trevor, Summer Glau & Chis Carmac, are just a fun loving couple on their honeymoon cruise just looking to have a good time with each other and nothing else. In fact both of them are anything but and have as many bad traits as the "Happy Hungarians" Ben Luca & Max, Adam Tsekham Peter Katona & Sergey Russu, looking for action or young single as well as married women on board the ship!

After a night of drinking gambling and partying Trevor ends up lost with his by now drugged and boozed up wife Lindsey out cold with both her husband and memory gone! It was the "Happy Hungarians" who were partying with the Forrests who are the main suspects in Travor's disappearance! In fact it's later reviled on one the ship's security cameras that lover boy Luca, the romantic of the three "Happy Hungarians", was making out with Lindsey while her husband was out drinking and snorting coke in the ship's bar!

It's one of the ship's passengers the busty FBI woman agent Gwen Merced, Zoe McLellan, who's also looking for action, in that she's just separated from her husband, who smells a rat in all this missing person, Trevor Forrest, business going on the ship. Checking out all the facts Gwen finds out that things aren't exactly as Lindsey said that they were in Trevor being the all American boy she said he was. In fact Trevor was a party going coke head who lived off his parents money without a job or future in his father's business or anyone's else's. What even more disturbing is that the sweet and innocent as the morning snow Lindsey was not that much better!

***SPOILERS*** We do in fact get to see what happened to Trevor but it's so sloppily done that you don't know if it's for real or a drug induced hallucination on Lindsey's part. As for Lindsey herself she flies the coop, or ship, on a helicopter for first Tahiti and then New York City where she opens up a fancy clothing boutique on swanky Fifth Avenue! How in hell did Lindsey, who was dead broke, have the money to open up a business like that with out even having the cash for a down payment to do it? It's with the 3 million dollar settlement that she got from both the cruise company, in keeping what happened on the ship from becoming public, and Trevor's parents, in not exposing their son's drug and alcohol addictions, in thus having Lindsey keep her mouth shut!

Why on Earth do they keep putting the FBI agent in the same halter top get up just in different colors and patterns?? Is this all that a female FBI agent owns for vacation wear? Probably not. Just like how the captain wouldn't forget ahead in an "Oscar Oscar Oscar" situation (morse code/maritime term for man overboard). Protocol is to stop, search and immediately turn around. Passengers are informed of change of itinerary. But, lifetime didn't get the message. They blame the missing persons on some annoying Europeans and then the euro trash blames the wife. Then the FBI agent shows up in a little black dress and heels at the crime scene during daylight, because duh, that's what we all wear on a cruise during daylight. Another peeve: the couple was together for "three years" yet later there is the scene where the wife says, "is this how it's gonna be the rest of our lives?" As he chugs vodka outta the bottle: this is surprising her? The main characters suck just as bad as the Hungarian scapegoats. It has it's moments if you're not hung up on the details like me. If you like dinner murder mysteries from your local town's community theater, you'll love this.

After an opening news correspondent foreshadows doom, we find handsome Chris Carmack (as Trevor Forrest) and sexy Summer Glau (as Lindsey Ross) going on a luxury honeymoon cruise. The couple does so much partying, nobody can figure out how an unfortunate tragedy occurred. Gambling, sex, and drugs are involved. Also keep an eye on three mysterious Hungarian men. Conveniently aboard ship is nicely-figured divorcée and vacationing FBI agent Zoe McLellan (as Gwen Merced), who tries to solve the case. Attractive ship security officer Erik Palladino (as Alan Sherrick) is also involved...

This "Lifetime" TV movie begins with the disclaimer: "The following story is fictional and does not depict any actual person or events." Producers apparently passed on the real story rights, or couldn't make a financial deal with the families involved. This story is very similar to the case of George and Jennifer Smith, who played out their tragedy on cruise ship in 2005. The story became a US TV favorite, with FOX "News" correspondent Greta Van Susteren leading the charge; she even brought her FOX crew to tour the bloody ship. This version seems plausible to a point, and Ms. Glau is convincingly cagey.

***** Deadly Honeymoon (4/25/10) Paul Shapiro ~ Summer Glau, Chris Carmack, Zoe McLellan, Erik Palladino

This movie is like a big fart. It's stinky, it's embarrassing, but thankfully it passes pretty quickly. I estimate the budget to be one Olive Garden dinner for two, and the movie is about as good as that.

Tis might have supposedly have been inspired by a true life crime case . I say supposedly because the TV company behind this film had to publish one of those disclaimers about any living people or real life events being entirely coincidental ? Was this a double bluff or were the company genuinely worried about being sued in litigation happy America . One can only speculate because " true life crimes " are a shaky subject . Remember BADLANDS where Martin Sheen and Sissy Spacek went on a killing spree ? that was supposedly inspired by a real case of serial killing until it became clear that a certain protagonist was up for parole so the movie company started getting cold feet and insisted it wasn't inspired by real life . The premise to DEADLY HONEYMOON might share a basic and vague connection to a real life crime where a newly wed husband disappears aboard a cruise ship but surely nearly every film outside the fantasy genre could claim it too mirrors real events and people though be it in a loose form ?

Actually DEADLY HONEYMOON might actually benefit from being a low budget TVM . This means not very good actors . Why is that a benefit you ask ? Well a man disappears and his wife is a prime suspect for his disappearance . This means the audience aren't asking themselves if the director should have cast a pool cue as the lead actress since it'd be less wooden , or if Summer Glau has less range than a water pistol but is her character really upset about her husband going missing or is it all just an act to cover up the crime . Same as the Hungarians with their generic foreign accents which will have you asking maybe they're Romanian Gypsies or stowaways from Latin America

One aspect of being made for television that did surprise me is that the early sections of the TVM has the shots relatively close up , especially on the cruise ship deck where the swimming pool is located . We also don't get to see a long tracking establishing shot where the protagonists board the ship which instantly made me think that a lack of budget meant the production team couldn't get access to a real ship and were going to manfully spend the story trying and failing to convince the audience the story was taking place outside of a TV studio . Strangely later on we do see shots that are undoubtedly film on board a ship . Okay it's probably not a cruise ship but it's still a sea going vessel . I'm guessing director Paul Shapiro doesn't know how to handle an establishing shot ?