Citations

Vive les vacances

Debbie Griswold: Hey, you know, you never told us why you keep that teddy bear on the front of your truck.
Trucker: Oh, it makes the kids feel more comfortable.
Rusty Griswold: Oh yeah? You have kids?
Trucker: No.

Rusty Griswold: Well, I thought it'd be fun for the kids to see where you went to college.
Debbie Griswold: Oh, God. Why would that be fun for them, honey?
Rusty Griswold: You can give us a tour. Maybe one of them could study there one day.
James Griswold: Oh, no. No way, man. I've got my sights on something a little more Ivy League.
Debbie Griswold: [under her breath] Huh. Little fucker.
James Griswold: What, Ma?
Debbie Griswold: I love you. That's what I said.

Rusty Griswold: Maybe for lunch we can find a burger place. You know, like a... Like a drive-through burger place.
James Griswold: I don't know, Dad. I think we should steer clear of that.
Rusty Griswold: Good one, James.
Debbie Griswold: All right, enough, you guys. Dad hit a cow, okay? Let's just moo-ve on.
Kevin Griswold: Oh, I got one.
Rusty Griswold: Yeah, let's hear it.
Kevin Griswold: James is a piece of shit.
Rusty Griswold: Kinda missed the point there, buddy.

Kevin Griswold: [after the whitewater rafting trip with a suicidal guide] Can we go home now?

Rusty Griswold: That's a 2015 Tartan Prancer.
Debbie Griswold: Did you say "Tartan," honey'!
Rusty Griswold: Yeah. Tartan's the Honda of Albania.
James Griswold: Why'd you get an Albanian car, Dad?
Rusty Griswold: Renting a family car on Memorial Day weekend doesn't leave you with a lot of options. But this baby is pretty sweet. It's got all the latest Albanian technology.

Debbie Griswold: No one's calling me old. Fuck you. All right, boobs, pitcher. Let's go!

Debbie Griswold: He doesn't save anybody's life.
Stone Crandall: Doesn't he? Well, every time he flies that little plane of his, he's saving lives by not crashing. That makes him a hero.

Rusty Griswold: It's no big deal. We'll just tell Stone and Audrey what happened. Kids, remember what happened?
James Griswold: We pulled over to rescue a baby from a burning car... and somebody stole all of our stuff while we were distracted.
Rusty Griswold: And why are we naked and covered in feces?
James Griswold: ...I don't remember.
James Griswold: That's right. We don't remember.

Harry Co-Pilot: I wanna thank you for going to bat for me last week.
Rusty Griswold: I was happy to do it. Just because corporate says you're too old to fly doesn't make it true. You're more qualified than us younger guys.
Harry Co-Pilot: Means a lot to me
Rusty Griswold: Sure thing.
Harry Co-Pilot: [after a pause] Oh, and Rusty?.. I wanna thank you for going to bat for me last week.
Rusty Griswold: [to himself] Yeah... you bet.

Colorado Cop: These people are clearly in the state of Colorado. That's my jurisdiction.
Arizona Cop: Juris-dick in my ass, Kyle. Look at her left foot. Smack-dab in Arizona. You weed-legalizing, Mile-High piece of shit.
Utah Cop: Hey, there's no reason for that language.
Arizona Cop: Sorry, Officer Mormon. You don't like that? I have an idea. Why don't you plug up your ears with Mitt Romney's dick?

Utah Cop: It makes me sick how you deviants show up and desecrate this holy place every night.

Kevin Griswold: You have such a vagina.
Rusty Griswold: Okay, enough, enough. Now, young man, we talked about the bullying of your older brother. That's right. We don't make fun of someone just because they're different.
James Griswold: I don't have a vagina.
Rusty Griswold: I'm just saying, if you did it wouldn't be okay for Kevin to tease you about your vagina.
James Griswold: Why are you making it sound like I have a vagina?
Rusty Griswold: I know you don't have a vagina. I'm not doing that.

Rusty Griswold: Never heard that laugh before. I don't like it.
Debbie Griswold: Hold my bag.
Rusty Griswold: Why? You're not actually going on this thing.
Debbie Griswold: Yes, I am. This Chug Run raised thousands of dollars for charity, all right? I might not have gotten good grades while I was here, but at least I did something.
Rusty Griswold: It sounds like you did a lot. You stuck your finger in the dean's penis.
Debbie Griswold: It's not important what I stuck my finger in and what I burnt down. What is important... is that these bitches are disrespecting me.
Rusty Griswold: Bitches?...

Debbie Griswold: I was a Tri-Pi a long time ago, so... In fact, the Chug Run was my idea.
Heather: It was?
Debbie Griswold: Yeah.
Heather: Wait, are you Debbie Fletcher?
Debbie Griswold: Yeah
Heather: Oh, my shit. Oh, my shit! I can't believe it's you! Guys, come here! Bring over the book! It's Debbie fucking Fletcher.
Debbie Griswold: How do you know who I am?
Heather: Oh, my God, are you kidding me? You're like a legend at Tri-Pi. You're Debbie Do-Anything!
Rusty Griswold: [astonished] Debbie Do-Anything?

Rusty Griswold: I think I know my wife pretty well, and she wouldn't have done any of those things.
Debbie Griswold: But you know what? What's important is not whether I did them or I didn't do them. What's important is that you guys are idolizing very bad behavior here.
Heather: Uh, ew, you don't sound like Debbie Do-Anything...

Stone Crandall: If you're up for it I can always use an extra set of hands.
Rusty Griswold: Well, I was born with an extra set of hands.
Stone Crandall: That's an odd thing to say, heh. But I reckon this'll be the highlight of your trip.

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