Orcs

All over my country you couldn't visit a shop without seeing this flick. When you pick it up you will notice immediately that it says, the monsters from Lord Of The Rings are back. Do I need to say more?

I didn't liked it at all, why you ask yourself. Well, there should be a bit of comedy in it, I didn't laugh at all. The only thing that gives my face a bit of a twist was the return of an urine sample. The main lead (Adam Johnson)annoyed me a lot and wasn't funny at all. I'm not used to see him in those acting parts, I remember him from Frozen (2010). The cadet Hobie wasn't funny neither, if youngsters would look at it maybe they would laugh.

The orcs did look nice but when the are being shot they are hit with CGI bullets and the cheap kind of CGI, so it shows. And when they attack it goes on and on and nothing really happens. There are a few killings that are worth noticing but it doesn't save this picture. The decapitation was okay but it was too late.

It's sad that this so-called comedy didn't work at all for me.

Gore 1/5 Nudity 0/5 Effects 1/5 Story 2/5 Comedy 0,5/5

Obviously, this isn't better than the The Lord Of The Rings trilogy as someone else suggested (I wish IMDb could stop cast and crew from posting glowing reviews of their own movies). What it is, is a fun, cheap, cheesy little exploitation flick. It's done for laughs and really is kind of funny. The plot in a sentence : 2 bumbling idiot park rangers square off against guys wearing armor that looks a lot like what the orcs wore in Lord of the Rings. The armor is, of course, to avoid having to have any special effects make-up most of the time. They apparently claim the movie cost 3 million to make. But, if it did, someone stole at least 2 million. It's not great. But it's not awful.

In Orcs!, forest rangers Cal (Adam Johnson) and Hobie (Maclain Nelson) battle a horde of mythical monsters from Middle-Earth, who emerge from a mountain to wreak havoc in a National Park. Such a set up is clearly intended to be nothing more than a bit of dumb fun, but while the film is certainly dumb, there's not nearly enough fun, with a lack of decent jokes and scares, and a failure to deliver on the outrageous gore and gratuitous nudity suggested by an early shot of a decapitated head on a stick and the presence of two young hotties in tight vests.

Most notable of all, perhaps, is the distinct lack of actual creatures. Sure, there are plenty of extras running around in cheap looking suits of armour, but as far as identifiable orcs are concerned—you know, ugly critters with real bad complexions and over-sized fangs—well, they can be counted on the fingers of one hand. No doubt this was due to budgetary constraints, but the viewer can't help but feel a tad cheated. This is where an excess of gore and a spot of nudity would have come in handy: after all, it doesn't cost a fortune to throw some buckets of blood around and get a few aspiring starlets to strip off, and it sure would have helped matters immensely.

Instead, we get irritating main characters, supposedly 'witty' dialogue that falls flat on its face, one or two unconvincing death scenes, a repetitive over-long night-time siege totally devoid of tension, and a couple of inexplicable pastiches of key scenes from The Fellowship of the Ring which are neither clever nor funny—all of which adds up to an instantly forgettable waste of time.

The best thing about Orcs! are the production values, which in the photography, costumes and scenery are very good. The photography has fluidity and skill, that way it allows us to enjoy the beautiful scenery more. The costumes are reasonably attractive too, colourful and neither over-the-top or ugly. The music does have some excitement that is not there in the rest of the movie, there are some beautiful parts and it doesn't play too much of a dirge. However, the special effects are slapdash at best, they are weirdly proportioned and there is nothing smooth in their movements. The orcs are no better, design-wise they fare even worse, the Chamber of Horrors actors in Madame Tussauds' are far more believably made up, and they are very amateurishly acted. In fact the acting is not very good in Orcs! There are a couple of mild bright spots, but a lot of it screams of inexperience and I found myself constantly annoyed by the characters, especially Cal who's annoyingly acted by Adam Johnson. Orcs! falls down badly in the script and story departments. There is a lot of "humour" in the movie, and the bad news is that very little of it works and there really needed to be much less of it. Instead of witty, it just felt cheesy and immature, made worse by the actors' forced dialogue delivery. Aside from the humour, the rest of the script is very stilted and confused. The story is a mess and never seems to find the right tone, it tries to be quirky, it tries to be suspenseful and it tries to be scary and it succeeds at neither. The orcs are nowhere near threatening enough and have no presence really, while the movie is too dull and predictable to be suspenseful and the action is sluggishly edited, is choreographed with no excitement, tension or fun whatsoever and is performed with no involvement. In conclusion, the production values(outside of the effects and the look of the orcs) are decent but the rest of the movie is a big misfire. 3/10 Bethany Cox

That is the "Orcs(!)" for you. And while I do like low budget movies with quirky characters, this just has nothing offer. It's one thing to be predictable, it's another thing, not to try to bring at least something unique to the table if you have nothing much more to offer. I'm not sure, if someone really wrote that this is better then LotR. And while tastes differ, you shouldn't really watch this movie with that review in mind .. you'll be devastated in the end.

Unfortunately the actors have nothing much to work with, bad cgi and poor directorial decisions only add to the mess. If you go out and make a movie with no money, at least try to make something different and don't check all the boxes. That's my take on it of course. Was really disappointed in this, there is so much potential for a movie like this ...