Empress Vampire

This has to be one of the worst films I have ever seen in my life. From the pathetic storyline to the awful dialogue. It surpasses the b movies of the 50's and 60's ... even the creeping carpet had a good sound track. I had to watch it in two sittings, the first one I thought ... I cant take any more of this, the second, lets's see if it redeems itself with some humour. Sadly that didn't materialise.

This is what happens when you have a adult movie cast trying to do a movie with a plot. You can tell who was paid extra to go topless and who wasn't. So there's this immortal vampire Empress of China who leads a cult of subordinate vampires. The Secretary of Defense wants to recruit her as a secret agent, but trying to stop him is a Von Helsing (not a Van Helsing, because that would have required someone to do research) and a psychic.

The problem is the lead actress... you can barely understand what she is saying and her voice is kind of goofy... But she was willing to do nude scenes, which is what I suspect the director had in mind.

OH, yes. And musical numbers. It has musical numbers. Need I say more. Fake CGI Blood spurts. Cars driving against green screen backgrounds. The beginning of the movie looks like it was competently made, but then the later parts got cheap and kind of silly. You know, like they ran out of money halfway through.

This is 100% GARBAGE.

'Amateurish' is to high praise for it. Ailment this terrible works never be in Mystery Science Theater3000 - even those films' makers avidly tried -however ineptly - to seriously make something.

The purpose of this is to lie - even the aforementioned positive reviews are obvious lies.

There's nothing here; no script, nothing close to acting, just bad posing.

You'd be better off taking a hot bath than watching this.

Don't EVER believe such ridiculous positive reviews when your see the majority army just low, but VERY low.

Wow, this movie was bad. Very bad!

First of all, you should know that this movie is what appears to be a very ambitious home-movie project. It feels like something you could very well shoot with your very own DV camera if you only had enough friends to make an appearance as one or more characters in the movie.

The entertainment value of "Aleta: Vampire Mistress" (aka "Empress Vampire") is almost non-existing. I managed to endure a prolonged 27 minutes of the movie, which actually felt like way more. With very little of any worth or interest happening, I just gave up. And the fact that the characters were bland and pointless didn't help much either, nor the fact that the acting performances were not impressive either.

For a vampire movie, this was a swing and a miss. It felt like director Phil Condit had an idea, scribbled it down on paper along with co-writer Ange Maya and turned it into a movie. And in the process also assigning the lead role to his co-writer as well. While she is an attractive woman, she is not that much of an accomplished actress - sorry to say.

The dialogue in the movie was atrocious, and most of it was delivered with such a lack of performance that you just yawn your way through it and your attention will quickly wander elsewhere than on the movie.

The acting in the movie was amateurish. Not that it is necessarily a bad thing. But it just was a bit forced in this movie and it didn't really feel natural.

I am rating this movie a mere two out of ten stars. It was an ambitious project for sure, but it didn't deliver where it mattered.

I had an hour left of the movie, and I have absolutely zero interest in returning to finish the movie at any time in the future.

This is the kind of film that will likely go viral at some point for it's campiness and nerds will be hanging pictures of the empress on their mom's basement walls.

If you like B-movies this one is for you, it's got everything you'd expect from a low budget horror-comedy. Boobs, butts and bad lines. I'm guessing it was produced to be dubbed in Chinese, as there were a few scenes where the lips didn't sync up. I wonder if they enjoyed it in China as much as I did here!

Kudos to Ange Maya, it's a shame she passed away, she might have ran this into a series. With a bigger budget it likely could have gone further but it was definitely worth the watch as is.

The people complaining about special effects are clearly missing the point, I laughed out loud at some of the kill scenes, they're hilariously terrible which added to the appeal. Horror-comedys aren't supposed to have cutting edge realism. I also enjoyed some of the music, which was actually pretty good but stayed true to the shoe string budget theme.