The Retirement Plan

The best things that The Retirement Plan has going for it all hinge on the inherent comedic edge of its wacky premise. Sadly, these things are hardly ever the focus.

In fact, if you've seen the trailer, you've seen almost every good moment in this movie.

A handful of impressive moments arise when the great Nic Cage is allowed to flex his humorous energy as he kills people in hilarious fashion, and these moments were the one saving grace that kept the movie watchable.

Sadly, for most of the runtime, we're treated to a whole lot of nothing.

It's very poorly directed, having all the style of a straight-to-DVD Steven Seagal movie. And the script gives the characters absolutely nothing of interest to do and no intriguing interactions to have as they fumble their way through this generic, convoluted, banal, creatively bankrupt story without an ounce of a soul.

Oh, and the music sucks too. I'd be shocked if it all wasn't just stock action-movie music pulled off of iMovie.

This is where actors go to die. Movies where the story, the plot, the directing, the editing and, yes, the acting are boringly bad.

Remember Rorschach from Watchmen? Remember Ben Sanderson from Leaving Las Vegas or Stanley Goodspeed from The Rock? Remember Salvatore from The Name of the Rose or Hellboy? Same actors, none of the effort. Lazy, predictable, soulless production that doesn't even deserve the required characters length for the imdb review.

I guess people need to eat and all three of these actors have said in the past that they work whatever comes their way, but that doesn't excuse the lack of conviction in their acting in this film. I bet even they hated doing it.

Bottom line: Nothing to see here. Move along.

The Retirement Plan is directed by Tim Brown and stars Nicolas Cage, Ashley Greene, Ron Perlman, Jackie Earle Haley and Ernie Hudson.

This is the fourth Nicolas Cage movie of the year following The Old Way, Renfield and Sympathy For The Devil it's not his last either as he has A24's upcoming Dream Scenario (which has been getting great buzz from TIFF by the way) dropping in early November.

Unfortunately The Retirement Plan isn't that good and it's mostly entirely carried by Nicolas Cage who never turns in a bad performance or phones any role in. Sadly this feels more like an excuse for the cast/ crew to take a mini vacation to the Cayman Islands for a week or two then for a good reason to even make this movie. It's fun and good enough for a one time watch but that's about it.

My A$$ Nicholas Cage has a retirement plan. He will star in his own embalming video: "This fluid is colder than my blood and smells bad but I guess that's what ppl do....... anyway it's seeping into my cranium now so gotta run. Think of me come Oscar & Golden (plated) Globe time! It was great staying active so long!! I SHOULD HAVE won something for Raising Arizona, & didn't. Shouldn't have won for leaving Los Vegas, although Elizabeth Shue should have. "The Golden (plated) Globes and Oscars should be talent/performance-based, NOT a popularity contest. In all seriousness this movie was funny for Nic Cage standards. He can be anything from outstanding to horse-dookie depending on the script and direction. For example watch "City of Angels" in which he (and Meg Ryan) made a far reaching sctript into an emotional, into genius work.

I dunno - it's the same type of thing he puts out a half dozen times a year. Watch at own risk.

Always up for a Nic Cage film. When I saw the trailer, it looked like a good premise and had some talent attached to it. I was just waiting for a DTV release date. Imagine my surprise when I saw that it received a theatrical release. After walking out of the theatre, I completely understand why it is scheduled to drop down to one showing a day for it second week theatrically.

Every known name involved must've been persuaded by the idea of picking up a quick paycheck while soaking up some sun in Miami and the Cayman Islands.

A good story idea.....poor acting, dialogue, script, action set pieces, cinematography, squibs, plug-ins, and I could go on for a lot more.

Nic Cage always brings something to one of his films, but it's very little in this one. There was one semi creative action scene, set up inside his hotel room, but otherwise, these characters seem to spend more time answering their cell phones, then firing a gun.