I Love Dries

It might be tough to fathom for some, but "The Human Centipede" isn't the most disgusting movie Tom Six has ever made. "I Love Dries" is much more difficult to keep looking at, and I don't even fully understand why. Logically you'd expect a crazy scientist that attaches people's mouths to other people's anuses to be more disgusting than fat people eating eggs, but I guess it's the distance from reality that makes the difference here. We can be fairly certain there isn't anyone like Dr. Heiter in this world, but trailer trash eating eggs with ridiculous amounts of mayonnaise (in extreme close-up)? Hell, that could be happening right now. "I Love Dries" is a movie that dares you to watch it, it's a hazing for B-movie veterans who think they can stomach anything. I closed my eyes so many times during this movie that I'm barely qualified to review it. But nausea is better than boredom I guess, and this is pretty much the only thing Six has to keep this movie interesting. The insane plot (an impotent guy kidnaps a famous singer to impregnate his hideous wife) is out of breath way before halfway, so why not go for broke and have the entire movie be about obese people talking about diarrhea and infections?

The bizarre thing about this movie though is that it's a vehicle for a fairly popular Dutch singer that tried to get into acting. Most of this singer's fans are fairly old, so is this just a sick joke Tom Six is playing? Was his whole plan to get elderly asses in seats, just to drive them away within ten minutes? If so, I got to say that's pretty hilarious. Perhaps I'm just giving him too much credit though, maybe generic gross-out is all he could think of while writing a comedy (I think this was meant as a comedy, it's hard to tell).

The true piece de resistance of this movie has got to be the spectacular chase scene in the middle though. The titular character manages to get away from his captors at one point, he's already quite far away when they notice. Dries seems fairly athletic for a man in his 40s, while his capturers are chain-smokers that weigh at least 300 lbs. After a long, epic chase involving jumping across creeks, climbing over fences (that they can easily walk around, mind you) and running half a mile through a cornfield...he's caught! HOW? Because otherwise the movie would be over is the only explanation I can come up with. Seeing an able-bodied man pretending he can't jump a creek that he could literally step over is a highly underestimated form of entertainment. That scene alone might be worth the price of the DVD, it's not like it's expensive.

Every now and then I lose myself in buying some dirt cheap DVDs, and this time it happened to be 'I love Dries'. It stars Dutch B-class celebrities who luckily do not take themselves too seriously, while controversial Tom Six of Human Centipede fame happens to be the director. So it definitely had something going for it, but don't be fooled as this is a real stinker!!!

Our perfectly healthy and fit Dries Roelvink is unable to flee a trailer, or outrun his overweight captor. So he gives in and makes love to a very unattractive woman repeatedly because she wants a child from him. Nobody seems to be missing Dries, not even the police who off course DO recognize him when stopping them over towards the end. And Dries just lets them get away with it too.

During the events we are subjected to lots of filth and general bad taste, adding nothing to the story besides putting you off. Picture quality and sound are also terrible, I estimated the production cost at € 8.95 which is about the price of a 3-pack VHS tapes nowadays. It was quite a bit more, might be it had something to do with the master tape being stolen for some time.

We would actually have been far better off if the tape had stayed missing, but I made a start by safely locking away my copy so it can do no more harm. A well deserved 1 out of 10 stars and to be avoided like a heap of dog poop on the floor (those who have seen this will know).

O my.... hehehe :) What can I say.. this movie is definitely not for everyone. The dialogs, the pace, the plot, it's all really terrible. But my god, did I laugh! Seldomly it happens that a movie brings me to tears from laughter, but "I Love Dries" did, and it did so almost all the way through! From the moment it started, it put a big smile on my face. While thinking: "I wonder how many people would actually appreciate this sort of humor", I just couldn't stop smiling.

Having read quite some comments on the net about this movie, I noticed how many people take this movie far too seriously. My guess is that the director never planned to make a seriously good movie. It's all just one big satire, and an homage to bad taste.

My compliments to Dries for not shying away from self-deprecating humor, and my even bigger compliments to René and Rikkie de Wit! It takes a lot of courage to have yourself portrayed like this in a movie! Because let's face it, the way René and Rikkie are portrayed is not exactly flattering, to say the least. But they never seem to hesitate to put themselves in such a position.

Aside from the horrible -and therefore great- acting, the setting and colors were just perfect. Almost the entire movie is filmed in a trailer, with chaotic birds and dogs to complete the trailer park feeling. The colors were all slightly off, or just a bit too much. It all gave it a bit of an 80's feeling, but then again, just... off.

If you expect a movie with a seriously good plot, serious humor, seriously great actors, then skip it, don't waste your time and money. But if you can laugh over a good fart and you really appreciate bad taste to the max, then this might just be the movie for you.