St George's Day

St. Georges Day is a debut effort written and directed by eloquent and softly spoken Shakespearean thespian Frank Harper, famous for his roles in The Football Factory and Lock. Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (Guy Ritchie, 2008), and let us not forget his scene stealing performance as the bank robber in Kevin and Perry Go Large (Ed Bye, 2000). I thoroughly enjoyed Dexter Fletcher's (who is, of course, briefly in this) directorial debut Wild Bill last year, so maybe this could be another enjoyable treat. He seems to have persuaded all his mates to be in it, the only ones missing are Danny Dyer and Tamer Hassan; maybe they were performing Hamlet at the Old Vic during filming? Well...

I will come back to term 'enjoyable' later if I may? First, a quick review:

It seems Frank Harper has certainly learnt a few things while starring in all these geezer films, in basically that he has cut and pasted all the clichéd plots from these and stuck them all together in what is an absolute narrative mess. This film received consistently horrific reviews, and I have to admit that they are all deserved. St. Georges Day is the most possibly generic and clichéd 'cockeney gangster' film you could imagine. Every cliché in terms of plot and characters is there to see in full clunky and embarrassing glory. I am not going to list them here, but anyone who watches this will be ticking them off in their head almost involuntarily. As for the dialogue, co-written by Frank himself, when there are lines such as "The Price is Right? This isn't the game show you c**t!" or "Two words: Angry Russians", it is basically Eastenders with swearing.

There is a also a very insular and quite racist approach to this film, such as the typical evil Russian gangsters and double crossing Dutch drug dealers. However, what becomes really embarrassing is Frank Harper's deluded sense of patriotism that comes out within the script, there are many occasions where he compares their drugs operation and how they are going to sort out the mess they created to strategies deployed by Churchill and the British armies in both of the world wars. This is both insulting and rather embarrassing to watch; as we have to remember that these men are criminals despite whatever 'moral code' they follow. There are many voice-over scenes, usually with Frank Harper looking pensive on some riverside where he tries to justify to us why he is essentially a criminal. He often mentions things like 'loyalty' and tells us that he never killed anyone that "didn't deserve it or would have done the same thing to him". No Frank, you are criminals, you are not the good guys. Even the police are portrayed as bad guys for simply doing their job; does Frank really think we are that stupid? Also, it is worth saying that Keeley Hazell stars in her debut film role and is shocking, though let us face it, she is not there for her acting is she? She also plays Mickey's girlfriend and there are many scenes where Frank Harper gets to kiss her. Hang on! Isn't Frank Harper writer, actor, director and producer? Indeed he is. Oh, Frank, you dirty old man! However, her character as 'Peckham Princess' (No, me neither) is beyond caricature, as with all the women here who are simply portrayed in a shamefully misogynistic way. However, this just adds to the list of generic narrow minded stereotyping like evil Russians, drugged up crazy Dutch people, angry Scottish people etc.

Now, I will return to the phrase 'enjoyable', and though I may well be contradicting what I have previously just said, but I must confess that I found St. Georges Day extremely enjoyable. This does come with a proviso though: If you take St. Georges Day with a pinch of salt, and when you see a cast list like that (maybe with the exception of Charles Dance – maybe a marketing ploy?) how on earth can you take this film seriously? I went into this film expecting ridiculous nonsense and was not disappointed; I must confess that it frequently made me laugh. It is obvious that Frank Harper thinks he is making the Citizen Kane of British gangster films. St. Georges Day takes itself so ridiculously seriously; this almost makes it even funnier to watch. You never laugh with it, but frequently at it and because of this I will confess that I actually really enjoyed it, though certainly not for any of the reasons dear old (now officially an auteur) Frank Harper would want.

In summary: Predictable, clichéd, crap. This is the definitive British gangster film in that every cliché and caricature is there to see, all put together by the chunkiest script imaginable. However, this may well be (unintentionally) one of the funniest British films of recent years.

It's a decent film I'd you like hooligans and Gangsters with a bit of patriotism thrown in then this is your kind of movie Cocaine sniffing hooligans and there sexy women

The acting ain't the best and the nightclub scene with was funny I've sceanr note atmosphere is an retirement home and London was like covid restrictions had happened already dead streets with the occasional police sirens....

Hey people "Spoiler alert", this movie SUCKS big time. If I could give a film 0 stars believe me I would, I am so annoyed at wasting my time and money seeing this movie I've felt obliged to put pen to paper. This film blatantly copies all the standard Brit Gangster tropes that we've seen before in films such as "Layer cake", "Gangster No 1" etc. but does them all REALLY REALLY BADLY. The story revolves around the protagonists losing a consignment of cocaine belonging to the Russian mafia, Wow what an original concept! The acting is abysmal and wooden to say the least, the dialogue is of the "Not on my Manor you Muppet" quality. The "jokes" are completely unfunny (I cracked a smile maybe twice). The producers have obviously gotten Charles Dance in as a known "Star" thereby trying to give the movie some credibility, (I like Charles Dance, but be honest when was the last movie of any note you saw him in?) Well Charlie obviously had a big Gas/Electric/Tax bill to pay when this job came into his in-box and he looks decidedly uncomfortable and dyspeptic throughout and is obviously just going through the motions. The rest of the cast are actors that you've probably seen in "Eastenders" or "The Bill" or in some other awful Brit flick standing next to Danny Dyer, trying to look hard and act less wooden than him. I notice a previous reviewer comparing this to "The Long Good Friday", well watching St Georges Day seemed as though I'd sat through a very "Long Long Friday" but there the similarity ends. Do yourselves a favour, get a copy of the aforementioned and brilliant "Long Good Friday" with Bob Hoskins acting his socks off in his best ever role, and give this rubbish a miss. There are some good Brit Gangster movies out there.....This isn't one of them by a Long Long way.

I was keen to see the this film, having heard a great deal about it when it was in pre-production, and the premise for the movie sounded interesting. During a football match between Germany and the UK, while the Police would have their hands full, a great diamond heist would be attempted by a London Firm. So far, so modern 'Italian Job'. A good idea that wasn't an American movie or a re-make. We've had a fair few gangster turkeys thrown our way in recent years, but this one had promise. It's the directing debut of 'Frank Harper' and with the team he assembled, it would be a good film. So I approached it with probably more enthusiasm than others that have reviewed here and will be as constructive as I can. The good: The cinematography is really nice, wide and sweeping shots make the best of the locations of London, Amsterdam and Berlin, though some of them serve no purpose. While the film looks nice and is slick, unfortunately the bad really lets it down. The story revolves around a London firm made up of two brothers and numerous other characters. Head of the firm is Micky (Harper himself). The dialogue in the first twenty minutes leaves you wincing, with the F word thrown into every line in abandon, with less effect the more frequently it is used - Yes we know cockneys and bad boys swear a lot, but sometimes less really is more. Characters have their own catch phrases 'Let me stop you right there son…' which I am guessing was to establish the familiar nature they have with each other to comical effect but falls painfully flat and sometimes is just embarrassing. The basic premise of the film, a heist under the cover of a football game doesn't really happen until the last quarter of the film, because our characters have to be placed in peril first in order to make the heist a necessity, fair enough, but it takes so long to get there that the heist itself almost feels inconsequential. There is also no real feel of a football game really taking place in Germany, making me wonder why the producers didn't wait until there was one and grab a couple of cameras and go out and film a ton of footage that could have been used to emphasise that there was a UK presence in the country, one shot of extras walking down grey steps (Which could be anywhere) isn't enough to demonstrate this, nice though it maybe. There is talk of days of a better England back in the day, and reference to Henry V but when someone says 'Hey you're never believe it, the job is on Saint George's Day' that's where the relevance of the title begins and ends. A subplot involving a 'grass' in the firm and another brothers attempt to leave and start a new life try to add some humanity to the story but one adds little and the other is left unresolved in a very unrealistic way when you consider the rules of the universe here that Harper has created. None of this can really substitute for the fact there that there is no real build up, tension or drama to the very hollow ending. The variable acting really diminishes the effect of some of the characters as they struggle with the most banal dialogue imaginable. While the cast is filled out with some credible players such as Charles Dance (Who acts the pants off everyone he is in a scene with) and good indie britflick regulars Maskell, Fairbrass and Walters (A far better actor than the roles he is often given) who do their best but everyone struggles with the poor material. Vincent Reagen is so underused he might as well not have been there. Sean Pertwee is suitably sleazy as a bent copper but Jamie Foreman almost looks like he has stepped out of another time period as Micky's Policeman nemesis and Nick Moran is embarrassingly posh as a rich business yuppie. (Because anyone who isn't hard or cockney must be rich and irritating) Not all the dialogue is terrible, there were one or two moments of brilliance here and there but they were lost. Other reviews have mentioned the long tracks of voice-over, all of it Harper himself, leaving you in no doubt that he is the main architect of this creation. Much of it really isn't needed - things are explained in such a perfunctory way, when really the trust should have been placed in the actors to deliver much of this information. In 'Harpers world' female characters are reduced to being 'wets' or dumb blonde's to put it politely, and while I am not denying that such characters exist, it doesn't mean a film needs to be over populated with them to prove the point, nor does it make for good viewing. Yes, your target audience might be young men in the 18 to 40 age bracket who watch football and read lads mags but that doesn't mean you have to reduce every female in your story to their perception of a good night out. The Long Good Friday is given a mention in the script here, so it's worth noting one of the things that makes that movie so great is Helen Mirren's character. There are no such rivals for her crown here, women being reduced to meaningless bimbo's or drug couriers. I really wanted to like this film, and it had such promise but for his debut Harper really should have trusted in a good writer and cast himself in a more supporting role and lets other share in what could have been a great deal of glory of a good film. Alas here, as we are reminded so often in the credits (Both at the beginning and at the end of the film in case we somehow forgot) , this is a film of Harpers making.

You probably know Frank Harper from pretty much every British gangster film (he was 'Dog' in Lock Stock). Now, he's taken to writing and directing one of his own. St George's Day tells the story of two London gangsters who lose a shipment of drugs that belong to the Russian Mafia and have to pull off a heist to get the money to pay it back.

Yes, it's hardly an inspired plot, but, when you watch it, you'll soon realise that that's the least of its problems. Frank Harper narrates pretty much the whole way through, giving his 'patriotic' thoughts and opinions on the story, plus introducing every character along the way. And there are many. Every other scene has a new gangster who gets his own intro from Frank, most of which are hardly seen again in the film.

Unfortunately, St George's Day utilises every cliché in the book. Every line sounds like someone doing a bad impression of what they think a cockney would say. After a while, you start to wonder how quite a talented bunch of actors were ever roped into this film to begin with. I say 'talented actors' as most of them are. However, this doesn't apply to former Page 3 girl turned 'actress' Keeley Hazell. She is truly wooden beyond belief.

St George's Day brings nothing new to the genre of gangster films. It's clichéd, boring, overly-long and just bad. One to avoid. Stick with Lock Stock and Snatch.

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