Meteor Moon

Another goofy Asylum slog and not one of their more entertaining works. This one lacks action and the pitiful CGI we've come to expect and in its place is a lot of scientific jargon and small talk. As usual, disaster is foretold and our plucky scientist heroes have to find a way to avert it. This one's totally without value.

If you can watch this movie for more than twenty minutes and if you can watch appalling actors without wincing you are a braver man than me, my son. Avoid like the plague.

The cabin door on the super-secret spaceplane is a hollow core plywood number like you'd find at your uncle the unemployed alcoholic's homeless shelter day room. The AI computer on the super-secret spaceplane pronounces nuclear "nu-q-ler." Rotting clams in August heat don't smell as bad as this. I dunno...maybe everyone was blackmailed into making this Rwandan sewer tour. Xanax...need xanax.

Ridiculous timeline, too much technobabble dialog, on top of inconsistent visual looks, inconsistent CGI quality control, and very inconsistent acting. Sure, Asylum, but they could have done so much more if they'd been consistent in production quality control, even at this budget.

Let me say that in general, I LOVE Asylum movies. Yes, I'm the one. Guilty. So when I browsed for movies and saw who made this, I was thrilled to find one of their movies that I had not seen. I was painfully naive.

The acting, especially two of the women, was so overdone it was insane. Who told that one woman to open her mouth as wide as possible with every syllable? Annoying Orange's mouth was smaller. And he was infinitely more watchable.

Once I realized how hopeless it was to expect this movie to be "so bad it's good", I spent the rest of the movie with my mouth hanging open, and my hand over it, unable to comprehend what I was seeing.

There is no way to even begin to describe how abysmal this waste of film was. The last 15 minutes....well, I won't spoil it for you hardy souls who dare to attempt to watch this movie to the end. I probably couldn't put it into words anyway.

I gave it one star, because my daughter thought it was GREAT. She talked to the screen, yelled and cheered. I was much more amused watching her than watching anything on the screen.

For the love of all that's holy, avoid this movie.