Road to Hell

The first thing that should be said is that "Road to Hell" is not a film. It's not a movie. In truth, I don't know what it is. Youtube videos of mentos and diet coke are more cinematic than anything this attempts. It isn't just bad, it's Sega CD Full Motion Video Game circa 1992 bad. It makes "Night Trap" look like "The Godfather." It's the "2 Girls 1 cup" of sequels. Most importantly, it's an insult to "Streets of Fire" and everyone who has ever watched even five minutes of it.

Before the 60 + minute "dream project" proceeded to assault those not smart enough to walk out, Albert Pyun, his wife Cynthia Curnan, and a handful of others came up and explained what we would be seeing. Cynthia mentioned that it was the result of an argument that she and Albert had had about the ending of Streets of Fire. Albert had thought it was one of the most romantic endings of all time. Cynthia thought it was deeply tragic and showed that Tom Cody was doomed. She wrote "Road to Hell" to show what she thought would have happened to him.

If the near-finished product is any indication, Albert handily won that argument and by default has now won all subsequent arguments for the rest of their lives.

Put simply, "Road to Hell" is garbage -- cinematic fan-fiction that is essentially a pointless 60+ minutes of atrocious dialog in front of a green screen, mixed in with some black and white footage of Deborah Van Valkenburgh being interrogated and flashbacks of a poor double for Diane Lane lip-syncing and dancing along with two songs lifted from "Streets of Fire."

I'm not entirely sure why everything was filmed in front of a green screen, probably to give it that "filmed in one day" look. It definitely does no favors to the performances, and the computer animated backdrops used look like screen savers circa 1994. I kept half-expecting a flying toaster to glide across the screen. Sadly, like any hope that "Road to Hell" would be redeemed, it failed to materialize.

The muddled excuse for a plot centers around the idea that Tom Cody is now a deranged serial killer, waiting in the middle of nowhere in case Ellen Aim's tour bus happens to drive by.

Meanwhile the two least interesting former strippers turned murderers in the world come across him.

They yell and swear and swear and yell. They talk in circles. There's some blood and some kissing. It goes absolutely nowhere and just drags and drags and drags. It could have been whittled down into a five minute short, told the same "story," and it STILL would have been painful.

I guess the filmmakers deluded themselves into thinking they were making something artistic and the characters we see might be in purgatory, or some other metaphysical realm. Unless the filmmakers' intent was to make the viewer feel like they were literally in hell, they failed.

The only elements that are even remotely interesting at all are ripped from "Streets of Fire." It is fascinating watching Paré and Van Valkenburgh reprising their respective roles, or at least it would be if the dialog wasn't so mind numbingly awful that the characters as portrayed resemble those in "Streets of Fire" about as much as David Koresh resembled Jesus.

Pyun, particularly in his Cannon years, has made some legitimately entertaining no-budget films. There is nothing entertaining here. It captures none of the spirit, energy, character, or fun of "Steets of Fire." It's an ugly, draining, pointless trifle.

Do yourself a favor and stop caring about this now. It will only end in heartbreak.

I have seen a lot of terrible movies, but this movie is a close contender for the worst movie of all time. It's even worse than Batman and Robin, and I don't say that lightly. This movie literally made me want to rip out my own eyes. We were screaming at the screen: "End! Please roll credits! For the love of God, please end!" And it kept going and going. It is entirely shot in front of a green screen, and no attempts were made to find a real desert (like some sand and some rocks are hard to find!). No attempts were also made to make anything look convincing, such as turning on a fan so the hair of the actors is at least moving while they are driving in an open car. It drags on and on, with very little story to speak of, and yet endless exposition delivered in the worst way possible. It's all carried by awful mellow rock songs, and keeps going and going. And just when you think the movie is over, it gives you yet more terrible songs you have to sit through. Roll those credits already! How is this movie getting such great reviews? Am I even on the right planet here? This movie is horrendous!

I was going to wait until I had a chance to see the finished film because what I saw at the Fantastic Fest last year was almost too rough to watch. I must admit that even with the poor projection and clearly unfinished effects shots, the film packed a powerful if disturbing emotional wallop. At times I was so shocked by the rage fueled violence set to rock ballads that I could feel myself flush and even swept by a wave of momentarily nausea. The film is one that will split audiences because it really puts forth the depressing idea that for even larger than life iconic heroes, life can turn disappointing and desparing. I don't think I've ever seen a film that takes a dashing heroic figure as a youth and then shows us the ruins that is his life 20 years later. In a weird way it was an analogy for me to wars like Viet Nam where youth is idealistic, filled with life only to return home a shell of a man. That's what we have here. An almost super human and stoic hero reduced to a destructed, bitter man. He's delusional in the hope he can be saved. Pare does a masterful job in bringing Cody's pain, desperation, and confusion to life. It's the best performance in his career. Clare Kramer is very very good too. Her character must be one of the most obscenely vile person ever portrayed on screen. What is amazing is how she can be so ugly and yet so breathtakingly sexy in the same moment. I really want to withhold final judgment as the film did say it was a work in progress. The movie has definitely stayed with me. It screened with Pare's Streets of fire and that made the contrast of Pare even more striking. He's so young and youthful in Streets and so grimly weathered in Road To Hell. It's one of the more shocking things to see. Like one of those where are they now things where you see a sweet face then the now shows the image of a ravaged meth addict. You wonder how did one go from sweet to horrific? In a nutshell that's what this film explores.

It was great to see the movie be outlined by the Streets of Fire film. Sadly I was too young to see it when it came out but I got it and great movie. I went to the Road To Hell premiere in Las Vegas, great performances by all but what a great new comer and band. There were some part in the film that I quiet did not understand but in reference to Streets of Fire but I highly recommend everyone to get Streets of Fire if you have not seen it. The music was incredible it was great to see a female that can act and actually sing and write songs!This film will definitely be another great cult classic the music rocks! Albert,and cast you have a new fan! Thank you for the great night and I cannot wait till I own the film.

Horrible acting, non existent plot. What was the significance of the ring? Blowing off of the head? Did they get a kid's art class to make the prop? Do not waste your time. There are no spoilers. Just questions why?