Stan Helsing

Its rare that I actually despise a movie as much as this one. Now before you say I am coming down too hard on this movie...if you don't believe me just watch it. The movie starts out 'ok' like a decent rip off of Scary Movie; however, it quickly descends into a downward whirlpool of bad acting, poor direction and a plot that makes little sense.

Basically this movie is a spoof on horror movies. There were a few parts where I laughed- near the beginning, but after that it seems as though the film budget ran out of money or something because after the halfway point it completely looses direction. I kept expecting a story to develop or some kind of back history on 'Van Helsing' to appear. It didn't. The characters are poorly written...and even with the comedic assistance of Leslie Neilson it still flops hardcore.

Leslie Neilson must be really hard up for acting spots to have taken a spot in this stinker. My recommendation is that you don't watch this one....in fact don't even rent it. Its really that bad.

Okay, it is quite horrible. Yet, despite the overall harsh criticisms found on here, it is nothing at all near being one of the worst movies I have ever seen - in my lifetime, this year, or even this month. Bad? Yes indeedy! But God Awful? Not quite(though perhaps closer than I am letting on to). Steve Howey plays Stan Helsing who works at a video store. Halloween night is here and Stan meets up with two incredibly hot girls and his buddy Kenan Thompson(you figure out which one is unlikely to be in that quartet in reality). Thankfully Kenan is there, because he has a few of the few laughs that are in this film(the others belonging to octogenarian and living legend Leslie Nielsen dressed as a hideous barmaid). It seems Stan is destined to live up to his ancestry and slay monsters - what monsters you may ask? Well, ridiculously and inept looking ones NOT from classic horror but from modern "classics"(I shudder even putting THAT in parentheses!) We get Pleatherface with a leaf blower and a line when he no longer has it, "It looks like no one will get blown tonight." Stop your sides from aching now with laughter. We get Chucky looking like a guy with painted x's and o's on his face. A Pinhead double from Hellraiser. Anf let's no forget the Michael Myers, Jason, and Fweddy doubles as well. All of these look so stupid and like someone from a fifth grade art class got to work on their wardrobe and costumes. There are other horror references and a story that defies logic - and explanation here for lack of need. Really, Stan Helsing is like Epic Movie, Disaster Movie, and Date Movie. It has a few laughs but not enough to even keep this lame crap afloat long at all. The humor is mostly adolescent and sophomoric with at least four references to bathrooms and all that great humor that comes from noises and the other fertile comedic ground that is inherent in feces and urine. Does the movie have any saving graces? Well, Kenan Thompson and good ole Leslie Nielsen are good some of the time. There are a few jokes that land roughly but in place. Then there are the female cast members who for the most part are very, very pleasant to look at like the three gals playing vampire strippers and Diora Baird and Desi Lydic as the two female leads. Neither can really act though Lydic has comedic potential. Baird has some fine assets to keep abreast of nonetheless. If you are looking for clever or witty humor, you must look elsewhere. If you have an IQ near that of a quasi-literate teen - you might think it is totally rad or some such feeling. Phewwww!

Stan Helsing, a video clerk for a certain video chain store, is ready for a Halloween party with three of his closest friends. But before the party, he has been asked to deliver a bag full of movies to the store's manager, who lives in a gated community. What lies beyond the gate: karaoke, monsters and gay porn studios. This is going to be a long night.

Let me be blunt, when you tell me a film is coming from the same people, or the same sort of people who brought us "Scary Movie", "Date Movie", "Disaster Movie" and so on... I'm inclined to believe this is one more film that was a waste of time for the actors, a waste of money to make, and a waste of brain cells for anyone who watches it. Mysteriously, despite this bias, I enjoyed "Stan Helsing".

Sure, the humor is juvenile, revolving almost entirely around hookers, strippers, porn and the same gratuitous sex that we've come to expect since at least "American Pie" (you can say such humor dates back at least to "Porky's", but don't tell me that the new wave of it has any wit behind the smut). Somehow, with my mind turned off and my stomach full of Corby's brand whiskey, I found this film humorous and enjoyable from the first five minutes.

It has some disappointments. The monsters are such a minor part of the plot, sadly, and even Leslie Neilson has a role that isn't as funny as it should be. But such simple jokes as the porn title spoofs got me laughing ("Glad He Ate Her"? Classic) and I don't mind a few gorgeous women on my screen from time to time.

But as I say, if you're looking for a clever monster spoof, it's not here. The monsters sing a karaoke song, but their origins are not explained and they have maybe ten to fifteen minutes of screen time, contrary to what it would appear by the cover. But if you like dumb humor, like "Dude, Where's My Car?", this would be worth your time... especially with a friend and a bottle of Feckin Irish whiskey.

This movie is very funny! Mia is hilarious as the ditsy blonde, and her lines will make you laugh a lot. It is exactly as it describes itself: a parody, and this is one of the better ones. I recommend this to anyone who likes parodies, if you don't laugh at this, then you are seriously lacking in the humor department. Four stars! I've watched this movie several times, and laugh at each viewing. It's not for those who are seeking intelligent humor, it's geared to those who just like cheap laughs. The girls are definitely hot, and Mia changes costumes several times, each one will make any guy's libido stand at attention. After watching this on cable I purchased the DVD, and look forward to laughing again and again. My compliments to the chef who cooked up this winner.

Quite silly, but not as bad as it is made out to be. Horror movies deserve to be parodied and this does that fairly well at times and has some really funny moments. A lot of it is also quite lame though.

Cast includes Leslie Nielsen in one of his last roles. Diora Baird ensures that the movie has your attention and that it is reasonably entertaining in the end.

There are a lot worse ways to spend 90 minutes.