- [last lines]
- André De Shields: There is no one like you. There has never been anyone like you. There will never be anyone like you. Therefore, be yourself.
- Mr. Music: Give me the clarinet you mentioned before/I said I didn't need it/Give it to me, please/You'll never believe what a sound it makes/When I throw it out the window and the window breaks.
- Cordelia: No! That's my clarinet.
- Mr. Music: It landed on a truck full of pillows that was passing by only then. Lord, you don't want me to make music, do you?
- [spotting a cat on the kitchen island]
- Mr. Music: Maybe grab that cat by its tail...
- John Mulaney: Hey! No!
- Mr. Music: ...swing it around, and the cat will wail.
- [stepping on the broken wine bottle he dropped]
- Mr. Music: OW! OW! MOTHER MARY! There's glass here! Who put glass here?
- Mr. Music: Hey! It's me, Sack Lunch Bunch, Mr. Music!
- [a chorus of welcomes]
- Mr. Music: And I'm here to teach you about music!
- [cheers]
- Cordelia: I have a clarinet.
- Mr. Music: No! Put away your skinny trumpet! Instruments are stupid!
- Jonah: [during the "What Are You Reading?" segment] Have you ever spied on your parents? Well, a boy named Sascha does in the book I read this week, called "Sascha's Dad Does Drag." One night, Sascha's lying in bed when he hears "Clonk, clonk, clonk." He sneaks downstairs to see what the noise was. Is it a woodpecker? Is it a hammer? No. It's his dad, in size 11 platform heels, bad padding, and a cheap Supremes wig. His mom says, "Good luck, honey!" and his dad walked out the door. But Sascha, quiet as a mouse, snuck into the back seat and hid under a blanket. Then they drove, and drove, and drove. Then they got to the Duplex, and Sascha saw a sign that said "Amateur Drag Night." Sascha knew that the Duplex meant one thing: His dad better have the realness. But his dad did not. Sascha leaned against the bar next to some vicious queens. His dad went into a low-rent version of Mariah Carey's "Vision of Love," and the queens pounced. "She should take her 1997 worn-out drag to the Museum of Natural History, because that is a dinosaur!" And even though Sascha was embarrassed, he couldn't deny they were right to throw shade. Sascha went outside to see his dad dragging a roller suitcase. "Dad, I didn't know you did drag!" Sascha says. "Because you don't. I'm not gonna sugarcoat it, because like a chubby queen in a corset, the truth always has a way of spilling out." The rest of the book is them updating his tired act, and even though his dad doesn't win the Astoria Glamour Drag Ball, it's still pages of fun. My one critique is that it focuses too much on the New York drag scene, and not the West Coast and Southern houses. If you want to read a book that I give five out of five pencils, pick up "Sascha's Dad Does Drag and the Act Needs Work" at your local library.
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