Anaconda 3 : L'Héritier

The original Anaconda was a fun B-movie bolstered by a good cast; Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid was a more than serviceable sequel, despite zero star power; Anacondas 3: Offspring is made-for-TV drivel shot in Romania where movie-making is cheap, and its stars are The Hoff and Gimli. No famous faces would have been preferable.

The risible plot sees sexy blonde herpetologist Amanda Hayes (Crystal Allen) team up with ruthless hunter Hammett (David Hasselhoff) and a team of mercenaries to find and destroy a deadly snake that has escaped from a laboratory owned by terminally ill billionaire Murdoch (John Rhys-Davies), head of Wexel Hall Pharmaceuticals. For reasons too convoluted to go into, the snake is over 60ft long and still growing and has a big spike on the end of its tail with which it impales its prey.

With a terrible supporting cast comprising largely of local Romanian talent, diabolical special effects (the green screened backdrop used whenever someone is driving a vehicle is appalling), ridiculous creature design (in addition to a spiked tail, the snake also has glowing red areas around its head), and a script that rips off both Aliens (the mercs obviously inspired by that film's marines) and Predator (Amanda avoids being attacked when she is covered in mud), the film is barely watchable, its only plus points being some gore (severed limbs, decapitations, impalements) and the fact that Crystal Allen spends much of the time in a tight white vest.

To make things worse, the streaming site I found this on made me watch a music video by a whiny rapper called Pk3y before the film started. Talk about adding insult to injury!

This gets my vote as the worst of the Anaconda movies. As a sequel and on its own terms, Anaconda III is wretched. The scenery/sets are quite nice and Crystal Allen is decent, but that's it. The photography is flat and rushed and the film looks as though it has been edited on a bacon slicer. The continuity is inconsistent as well complete with poor gore effects, the writing is vacuous and eye-rollingly cheesy in alternative to funny and the story is hopelessly predictable. The direction is sloppy, the music is generic and forgettable, the film is unevenly paced and unsatisfyingly resolved and the characters I didn't feel anything for. The acting is just dire, David Hasselhoff and Crystal Allen are the only ones who try and while the enthusiasm is admirable Hasselhoff is embarrassing in his acting and delivery, Allen however is far more believable and manages to be the film's sole redeeming quality. The other actors look bored and uninterested, and any scenes that tries to be suspenseful, atmospheric or frightening fails, instead it is laughable. Overall, dreadful sequel and film. 1/10 Bethany Cox

The first Anaconda was passable, the second was pretty poor but nothing could have prepared me for this! Though the ultra low IMDB rating should have really come to mention it.

I guess was doomed from the start, it has a tiny budget by comparison, it's the third film in an already cheesy scyfy level franchise and the biggest star they could get to carry the movie was the "Hoff".

So yeah, it all looks so very terrible. I could do better sfx than this (And have), the snakes look pitiful and the cast look positively bored throughout.

Though Hasselhoff is better than usual he still can't carry a film and the incredible John Rhys-Davies has a heartbreakingly small role here.

To make matters even worse the plot is generic, the pace is snooze worthy and the whole thing is just seven shades of embarassing.

One more movie to go at time of writing, it can't get worse than this........right?

The Good:

The "Hoff" is better than usual

John Rhys-Davies

The Bad:

Poor cgi

Actually manages to be incredibly boring

The advertised "Stars" are barely in the film

Things I Learnt From This Movie:

Always know the animal before the hunt

Cool girls don't look at explosions either

While researching an offspring of anaconda with transgenic for saving lives discovering cure for cancer and Alzheimer in the facility of Wexel Hall Pharmaceutics, the CEO Murdoch (John Rhys-Davies) refuses to invest in a larger tank and more security and staff as advised by the head of the project, Dr. Amanda Hayes (Crystal Allen). When he focuses a light in the tank, the anaconda attacks and breaks out the confined facility. Murdoch hires a team leaded by the mercenary Hammett (David Hasselhoff) to destroy the animal.

What a crap this lame "Anaconda III" is! This collection of clichés is awful, not funny, noisy and ridiculous, with terrible screenplay, acting and CGI. I believe the anaconda likes dyed blonde since the beast attacks everybody but the twenty-nine year old scientist along the story. Do not waste your time like I did is my final advice. My vote is one.

Title (Brazil): "Anaconda 3"

We went into this movie with incredibly low expectations seeing as we were looking for a bad movie that we could just laugh it. This movie far underachieved even my lowest expectations. The acting was worse then in a porno, there was no beginning or ending, it just went and at the first close up sight of the anaconda rather then feeling a slight chill every single person in the room burst out laughing. Throughout the entire movie I did not know a single characters name, because they didn't bother with character development of any sort. And the highlight of the movie was of course David Hasselhoff, who's mustache would mysteriously appear and reappear from scene to scene. All in all this movie was a masterpiece of terrible, perfect if your looking to mercilessly mock something with a group of close friends.