- Frank Martin: You don't want to do this.
- Mighty Joe: I don't think you're in a position to tell me what to do or don't what to do. You have ten seconds to change your mind.
- Frank Martin: I'll give you five seconds to remove your hand.
- Valentina: The sea is so restful. Is lunch ready yet.
- Inspector Tarconi: Mademoiselle, there is a certain progression to things. In order to eat the lunch, you first have to catch a lunch.
- Frank Martin: And if we keep talking instead of concentrating, we're gonna catch nothing.
- Valentina: I have better idea. Why don't we skip catching of lunch and go right to eating of lunch? I know wonderful place just up coast from here, where they make fish stew. Incredible. They use tomatoes and onions, a little amount of lavender.
- Frank Martin: What kind of wine?
- Valentina: Pink, from south.
- Inspector Tarconi: A Chateau Neuf, perhaps.
- Frank Martin: Chilled.
- Valentina: Of course chilled.
- Frank Martin: And for dessert?
- Inspector Tarconi: It's a good thing that we French have such a highly developed sense of humor.
- Frank Martin: With all due respect, the French think that Jerry Lewis is a genius.
- Inspector Tarconi: Jerry Lewis is a genius.
- Frank Martin: Dean was the genius.
- Inspector Tarconi: No. Dean just stood there with a drink and a cigarette.
- Frank Martin: My point exactly. Anyone can fall down and get a laugh. But how many people can do it standing still with a drink and a cigarette?
- Johnson: You've disappointed me.
- Frank Martin: You won't be the first, and you won't be the last. I told you I wanted to do this in person.
- Johnson: That won't be necessary. You see, since we had our little chat at the beginning of the mission, I've been thinking I don't need the best man for this mundane assignment. Any idiot with a drivers' license will do, so, in the words of the great American Donald Trump, I'm sorry, but you're fired.
- Inspector Tarconi: I'm afraid our day of leisure is cut short. There is a big mess in Marseilles - some madman driving an Audi at impossible speeds.
- Frank Martin: Don't look at me.
- Inspector Tarconi: That is the first place the chief told me to look. But I will tell him you have the perfect alibi. As usual.
- Valentina: Am I not sexy?
- Frank Martin: [uninterested] ... yeah, you're sexy.
- Valentina: [elatedly] You're the gay!
- Frank Martin: Nope! I am not "the gay."
- Johnson: I'd like to offer you a position.
- Frank Martin: I'd like to offer you one. Permanently disabled.
- Valentina: Do you ever kiss like you mean it Frank? I'm thinking may be nice. I'm thinking you live alone. Inside and outside. I think it's not dying you're afraid of, it's a living. Live with me. just this once, just this moment, live with me...
- [they kiss]