Rock Monster

... if you only have one TV channel available and are tired of crying from boredom.

A guy pulls an Excalibur stunt with a sword, stumbles into a backwards village, finds a hottie and ridiculousness ensues. I kept watching in hopes of finding redemption in *something*....*anything*... But the only part of the movie I enjoyed was the credits (Because that's what gave me the hot co-star's name so I could Google her and see if she has any other movies she may have been more "exposed" in.) While this production may have been recently created, it was certainly founded in the old-school style of where the bad guy lays out his plans in an extended speech to the reluctant, possibly mentally challenged movie hero.

I never honestly expected quality movies on the SyFy channel and I can certainly say they did not let me down on this one.

I would've given this movie a 1, but Natalie Denise Sperl adds "1" to the entire movie.

Science fiction movies are almost a dime a dozen, so you need to do something fairly creative. This one simply puts a bit of charm in the movie. It isn't a classic, and I can't understand the votes of "10", but neither can I understand the votes of "1". The characters are fairly engaging, and the movie has its moments. It doesn't exactly have the cohesiveness of a sit down movie, but like most movies made in the last thirty years, it is meant to be viewed while doing housework, chores, or on the elliptical or exercise bike. It is more about scenes and atmosphere. An American in a backwards looking European countryside, straight out of the old vampire days, takes a sword out of a stone, and awakens a rock monster. Not great science, but neither is most Science Fiction. The movie gets a lift in the rating mostly due to the heroine's father, who does a parody of Robert Shaw in "Jaws", almost to the letter. The director had the good sense of humor to show some reactions to his speech, taking advantage of the comic double take. Bits and pieces make this a fairly decent movie. Not exactly memorable, but has some assets.

Four friends are backpacking across Europe, when their bus breaks down in rural Bulgaria they hike through a forest where they find an ancient sword stuck in a rock. One of the guys pulls it out and in doing so unwittingly unleashes an evil creature - the Rock Monster! The title alone should serve as a warning to potential viewers that classic monster movie this is not! I can't say much good about this made for TV film I'm afraid. Despite being set in a remote Bulgarian village everyone there seems to speak or understand English quite fluently, I'd have been happy to have had some Bulgarian dialogue coupled with subtitles but I guess so many viewers for these type of films are too lazy to read them. To its credit there are several Bulgarian actors in the cast. However a stunning barmaid called Cassandra (Natalie Denise Sperl) says that she'd love to go to the USA, judging by her "Romanian" accent I think it fair to say that she's already spent much time there! Amongst the cast we get non-actors to established actors, Jon Polito being the prime example of the latter though he really hams it up as a former communist military general. As for the Rock Monster itself the usually horrid CGI "special" effects are fairly reasonable plus there is a gore highlight in which a man quite literally loses the top of his head. There is a lot of romance plus a bit of comedy in the plot but I would like to have seen more horror, I found it rather boring.

Please spare yourself from watching this. It has to be one of the worst movies I have ever seen, even for SciFi Channel.

Basically it's about four college students (one of them looks 40 years old) who pull a sword out of a stone (how original).

This unleashes a cheesy c.g.i. looking "rock monster" (hence the original title).

This Movie Contains: *The worst acting I've ever seen. *Cheesy effects *Boring plot line & a slow moving pace

Please Avoid At All Costs.

P.S. The next time your bus breaks down, and you decide to take a detour through a spooky forest in the middle or nowhere, rather than waiting for another bus, don't pull any swords out of any stones. =]

The bad guy, who has a megalomania problem, looks like a refugee from an Uwe Bolle movie, complete with the lousy accent, shaved bald head, phony make-up, and ridiculous black leather jacket costuming. Most of the time he's making "I will take over the world and here's how I'll do it!" speeches.

But the rock creature is even more pathetic. CGI animation that looks like it was done by Mickey Mouse, and the thing is less scary than Mickey is. It hobbles around, looking like it's going to crumble into a pile of fake-looking pebbles any moment. Meanwhile, Uwe Bolle, or whatever his name is, screams dumb comments to and about the thing any chance he gets to shoot his mouth off. The hero: some guy in an orange down jacket that he never takes off. At least this guy made an effort to act, as did his love interest and the guy playing the Major. But with a script this sloppy, they end up looking silly too.

Somebody smash this rocky horror with a sledge hammer.