The Perfect Hideout

OK, I'm not going to pretend that this movie is for everyone. It's obviously very low budget, the sound and video quality are apparently distractingly bad for some viewers (easily overlooked by me, personally), and there really aren't many likable characters (a stopper for some people, but, again, not for me); however, if the humor works for you, you'll find it laugh out loud funny at parts (stupid thieves blundering from bad situation to even worse situation, cops shooting "innocent" people, and other very *black* humor elements). Probably the best way to describe this movie is by comparing it to Very Bad Things, though they only share a few surface similarities. If you're a huge Billy Zane fan (and let me advise people that I actually liked Survival Island, so take that into consideration when I say this movie is only for Billy Zane fanclub members), and you can handle very dark humor, this is a great watch.

I got the impression that the people making this movie had a lot of fun, and, for me, that really pushed it over the hump from a rather poor 4/10 to a flawed-but-fun 6/10. I was entertained, and I got to see one of my favorite stars ham it up. I think it accomplished what it set out to do. I think that I'd greatly enjoy watching this movie with the filmmakers, laughing at the cheesy moments and not taking it very seriously. If that's you, I heartily recommend you give this movie a chance, despite the low rating and (admittedly true) criticism from other reviewers. Can you overlook the faults or not? If not, give this movie a wide berth.

Here's the deal -- I was looking for a time-killer tonight, nothing too cultured, no red-wine sipping with friends, with a 6 hour post film analysis.

Just straight-up -- whack in the DVD player, keep the eyes open and pop it roughly out 2 hours later.

So I flicked through the new release section at high speed, "Billy Zane" caught my eye and that was enough to take it home and fire it up.

And ... time-killer it is for sure. This is a really average movie -- I'm sorry to say that I think Billy Zane has gone the way of Wesley Snipes (I watched his D-grade movie, The Art of War II last night). As for Perfect Hideout -- some say this was a spoof, others say it was an action movie, others a comedy or maybe even a horror.

Unfortunately, I think it's just plain awful. And actually, really quite annoying at times -- primarily annoying because it could have been done so much better.

You can find movies which are worse, so if you're down to the last few movies at the DVD store, then give this a whirl... But save it for your last option.

It's supposed to be set in Germany...? Those "Germans" look and sound a lot like Americans! Billy Zane is a charming actor. Cristian Solimeno seemed like a decent actor. Melinda Y. Cohen is beautiful. I've seen plenty of low budget films. These actors aren't terrible. It's the script. The dialogue is stilted and childish. Also, that SWAT team...not believable. I saw the comedy bits. It had some horror parts too. I wish it was more into a specific genre, but it's all over the place. They're also too cozy with that killer even after they find out what he did. He's way too cozy with them! The ending left me completely bewildered as to what I just witnessed. Anticlimactic doesn't seem like the right term to describe it. It started off good, then... "Eh...? It's over?" Yeah, the movie has a very weak resolution. You have to see it to believe it. It's like they were running out of film and just said, "End it."

It's supposed to be set in Germany...? Those "Germans" look and sound a lot like Americans! Billy Zane is a charming actor. Cristian Solimeno seemed like a decent actor. Melinda Y. Cohen is beautiful. I've seen plenty of low budget films. These actors aren't terrible. It's the script. The dialogue is stilted and childish. Also, that SWAT team...not believable. I saw the comedy bits. It had some horror parts too. I wish it was more into a specific genre, but it's all over the place. They're also too cozy with that killer even after they find out what he did. He's way too cozy with them! The ending left me completely bewildered as to what I just witnessed. Anticlimactic doesn't seem like the right term to describe it. It started off good, then... "Eh...? It's over?" Yeah, the movie has a very weak resolution. You have to see it to believe it. It's like they were running out of film and just said, "End it."

OK, so as usual I checked out IMDb before watching this movie, to see what I was up for. I read the first comment that appeared and took it to be a spoof of some sort. Then is started watching the movie and realized that it actually takes itself seriously. So next I assumed it would somehow be so bad, that it was funny again (which is the only reason I ever watch horror movies). Well, what can I say? I was wrong. There are a few scenes that will get you to chuckle a little, but nothing really funny. Without any comedy to speak of, you are left with an action movie, and that's where the problems really start. To sum up the movie, all I can think of is that none of the character's decisions after entering the house even remotely make any sense. To start with, the movie is set in Germany and everyone is American. That much would still fall within your normal action movie inaccuracies, but from that point it just rapidly goes downhill. I can't comment more on the details without spoilers, but take my word for it, nothing makes sense. So the only reason to watch this movie would be if you're hanging out with some friends and enjoy making fun of movies for their horrible plots (which I know to be a fun activity at times).