Citations

I Love You, Beth Cooper

Beth Cooper: You see the thing is high school was great for me. Had a great, great ride... and now it's over. You? You're gonna go off and become a doctor and cure cancer or whatever new diseases there are. But this? This is about it for me. Everything in my life from here on out is just gonna be... ordinary.
Denis Cooverman: Wow... that's umm... such bullshit. Cause the Beth Cooper I know? The Beth Cooper that I now know is the most alive person... I've ever met. The Beth Cooper I know she's not gonna have an ordinary life she's gonna have an amazing life. Slightly insane but, never uninteresting, always ass-kicking, life.
Beth Cooper: How do you know that?
Denis Cooverman: Cause I'm a very smart guy.

Rich Munsch: [while running from Kevin] No, Denis! Denis, have you ever seen any of the Friday the 13ths? You run upstairs, you die!

[last lines]
Rich Munsch: What? No, it has to be a grand gesture.
Denis Cooverman: Like what?
Rich Munsch: You know where she lives, go to her house, bring a boom box, wait for her.
Denis Cooverman: That's stalking, Rich.
Rich Munsch: No, it's not stalking if you love the person. You got to like grab her and throw her in the car and take her someplace where it can be the two of you.
Denis Cooverman: Now that's kidnapping.
Rich Munsch: It's romantic... Okay, first we're going to need some rope and duct tape.

[from trailer]
Beth Cooper: [shopping at a convenience store, picks up bag of Suzie-Q's] Suzie-Q's, yum!
Denis Cooverman: My mom says yum.
Beth Cooper: [seductively] Yum.
Denis Cooverman: Not like that.

[from trailer]
Denis Cooverman: [to Beth Cooper] Thanks. You hit me with your car. That was pretty cool.

Denis Cooverman: [watching Beth, Cammy and Treece walk towards him] It's the trinity.

Denis Cooverman: I'm sorry I'm so pathetic.
Beth Cooper: Let me tell you something. All boys are pathetic.
Denis Cooverman: Well, then I apologize on behalf of all boys. And sorry for all the wars and stuff.
Beth Cooper: You're funny.

Rich Munsch: Okay, I got an idea. I'm Robin Hood. You're Friar Tuck. We get your dad's camcorder and we do a shot-for-shot re-creation of their climactic sword fight... using our boners.

Mr. C: It's okay just to have fun sometimes... sometimes you just hafta say what the "F"!
Rich Munsch: Curtis Armstrong, Risky Business, 1983, Paul Brickman, except he didn't say "F", he said... fuck!
Mr. C: You know what I mean... Carpe diem!
Rich Munsch: Aww, I didn't know you were such a movie buff, Mr C. Robin Williams in Dead Poets Society.
Mr. C: Yes, Thank you, Rich; we know. It's good, come here, please.
[long pause, then whispers]
Mr. C: There are condoms in my bedside table.
Rich Munsch: Do you like know exactly how many there are?
Mr. C: They are not... toys
[Mr C. exits]
Denis Cooverman: I think my dad wants us to have sex
Rich Munsch: With each other?
Denis Cooverman: No!

Denis Cooverman: [accidentally walked in on Beth and her girlfriends in a locker room as they've stripped off and put their clothes on towels] Sorry.
Beth Cooper: Denis, don't be shy.
[drops her towel]
Denis Cooverman: Ah, God, oh...
[a now nude Beth runs to the shower]
Treece: Hey, spaceboy, come get wet!
[she and Cammy run to the shower and throw off their towels]

Beth Cooper: [looking up at the facade of the huge mansion] Shit my panties!
Denis Cooverman: This is Valli Woolley's house. We - we can't go in here!
Rich Munsch: Why? Because you called her a stuck-up bitch in front of the whole school?
Beth Cooper: Don't worry about Valli. She's usually upstairs with a guy by now.
Cammy: Yeah. If she gives you shit, just go for her throat.
[makes slashing motion]
Cammy: She'll be protecting her nose.
Treece: Her nose was a graduation present
[they chuckle]
Cammy: Bitch!

Denis Cooverman: The one thing I wish I had said... the one thing I know I will regret if I never say... I love you, Beth Cooper.
[students murmur, all eyes are on Beth in the audience]
Denis Cooverman: I have loved you, Beth Cooper, ever since I first sat behind you in Ms. Rosa's math class in the 7th grade. I loved you when I sat behind you in Senor Weidner's Spanish, and Ms. Calumet-Hobey's Literature of the Oppressed. I loved you from behind...
[groans from audience]
Denis Cooverman: in Biology, History, and, yes, Practical Science. I loved you, but I never told you, because we never... spoke.
[audience members getting restless]
Denis Cooverman: lBut now I say it with no regrets. I... love you... Beth Cooper!
[to the audience:]
Denis Cooverman: And so, let us *all* say the things we longed to say... but our tongues would not.

Denis Cooverman: So, Beth, uh,
[nervous chuckle]
Denis Cooverman: I just wanna say thanks for rescuing me... back there after you hit me with your car. That was pretty cool.
Beth Cooper: No, you ran *into* my car. And I'm not rescuing you.

Rich Munsch: I'm, like, the least notable person in this car. When we all die, I'll be referred to as "fifth student."

Denis Cooverman: [Kevin has pulled his arm back, his big fist is ready to strike] Are you just gonna let him murder me?
Valli Wooley: Wait!
[approaches]
Valli Wooley: I am not worthless, okay? Look at this party. Look at all my friends.
[to Kevin:]
Valli Wooley: Cause brain damage!

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