Critters Attack!

Begins somewhat interesting with that cheesy 80s monster movie feel, but quickly descends through mediocrity to downright dull. While better than the tripe that was A New Binge on a filmmaking level, storywise I'm not so sure. And why is this rated R? It's not scary or gory, and unfortunately not funny either. Give it a pass.

If a piece of crap could take a crap, it would be this movie. Completely destroyed the reputation of the original. On top of all of that, these idiots break every rule of the tradition horror movie genre and if pisses me off.

I've been a fan of the Critters series since I was in my early teens, now in my 20s we have a new one and I was pretty excited, especially after The New Binge series came out on Shudder and was bad but pretty enjoyable. I had hopes that this would be a bit better considering its a film rather than a web series. And it is pretty decent, not great, but lets not lie here after the first Critters film the series went downhill pretty quickly but they were still fun and tons of people are just as nostalgic for the sequels as they are for the original. After seeing the average rating and high number of negative reviews on here I expected it to be as bad, maybe even worse than The New Binge, well I'm here to tell ya, this is nowhere near bad especially when compared to the original sequels or The New Binge. Either way, lets actually talk about this.

So as an entry in the series Critters 5 is about on par with the first or second sequel, its pretty much a standalone film though, you can watch and enjoy this film without any prior knowledge of the series and enjoy it just as much. The film is decently acted and has some good effects and practical puppetry and gore. The writing is fine, it kinda feels like a fan fiction with a sequel this late in the series trying to add more lore but its not as bad as the fan fiction feeling of The New Binge, if you have watched that series you will know why.

Judging the film on its own, its a pretty fun and entertaining direct to video/TV movie that is worth a shot if you got time to kill and are a fan of the series. Compared to the rest of the series, especially if you include everything, including The New Binge its a welcome entry to the series.

Is it bad? Sure from a serious critical stance it is, but that doesn't mean it isn't of quality in some ways and doesn't mean its not enjoyable. See it for yourself before letting the intensely negative, all caps, three sentence long reviews calling it "THE WORST MOVIE EVER MADE!! PLEASE STAY AWAY!" discourage you.

I give it a 6.5/10

"Critters Attack!" is a strange film to review. I honestly think this film was not made with reviews in mind. No, I mean really not made with reviews in mind, because it's hard to get a bead on what they were truly going for here. It seems like a reboot, but then Dee Wallace is in it and indicates that the Crites have been around before, although she behaves more like Lee from the first two films so maybe she's really Terrence Mann in disguise (who is conspicuously absent; I was waiting for him to pop up as it just doesn't feel like a Critters movie without Terrence Mann)...I don't know. So, let's break this down.

To start, you'll notice that, to the film's credit, they stick to primarily to practical effects. This is good as it's trying to at least feel like the original films. Honestly, CGI Crites would probably have been really bad. They even bring back the giant Critter Ball from the second movie, although still no human sized Crites as seen in the first film. Crites are puppets and should only be puppets, although at the same time, something about these new redesigned puppets feels a little off. They've always had big mouths, but now they've got flip-top heads. Eh...

However, the practical effects bring up a real oddity to this film. There are also a lot of prosthetics used for the Crites to chew on. Now, in and of itself, that wouldn't be an issue. What makes it odd is that it makes this film much more violent and gory than the previous ones. I like a good gory horror flick as much as the next person, but something about it feels...strange in a Critters movie. The previous films are very tame by comparison, with only two people dying in the first movie. This isn't necessarily bad as people who watched the old movies have grown up and are more mature now, but it does throw you a little bit.

Then we get to the script. This film feels like it was written by a first-year film student. It's nonsensical, goes all over the place with little focus, explanation, or even a satisfying ending, if you can even call it an ending since it just seems to stop. The characters are not well fleshed out and they resort to gimmicks to try and get us to remember some of them since they have no other characteristics, like a guy who's obsessed with bagpipes. Heck, I forgot younger boy in the main group was even there half the time since his gimmick is that he doesn't talk and only communicates by texting. They probably thought they were being funny, but instead it creates a major stumbling block.

Overall, while it's still a pretty bad film, but you can at least tell that the filmmakers were fans of the original and were trying to do something of a tribute, and let's be honest, unless you're a fan of at least the original movie, you're probably not going to see this one. In fact, that's exactly what this feels like: An amateurish fan film. You're not missing much if you avoid it or never even knew it existed, like me until I stumbled upon it completely by accident. I kind of wish I hadn't.

Not only are the characters obnoxious. Not only does most of the story not make sense. Not only do characters say and do the stupidest things. But worst of all they CHANGED things from the original 4. I hate when they change things from the standard they created. It was great seeing Dee Wallace and the teethy fur balls. But even if you're a fan, this is only, and just barely, worth one watch.