House of Usher

Wow, I haven't seen a film that sucks THAT bad in a long time. I only watched it because I read a user comment with 10 stars, and thought to myself "well it can't be THAT bad, if someone is willing to give it 10 stars, right?" I was SO wrong.

This film wasted 80 Minutes of my lifetime, and I will never get them back again. It's absolutely pointless... nothing happens in this film! It's a gay-themed film, which I really don't mind, but that's like the only interesting part there.

It's all about a House that is "alive" and "bloodthirsty". From the first minute of the film, till almost the end you will hear this sentence again and again... without any real consequences.

The dialogues are horribly pseudo-deep, the acting is awful, the story is pointless, and the music gives you a headache. The only thing I would MAYBE call "acceptable" is the end of the film. It has something like a surprise... but this surprise sucks big times too.

All in all: save your money and time and rather go see a REAL horror/thriller-film. This one just sucks.

So I actually started watching this movie not knowing this was a David Decoteau movie. I didn't see his name on the credits initially. It didn't take place inside that Malibu mansion that all his other movies take place in.... but the first "make out scene" and that appearance of whighty tighties had me thinking "hey... is this a David Decoteau movie?" Turns out yes, hence expectations lowered. As far as being a faithful adaptation of Poe's story, it kinda sticks to the point but goes in a very different direction. It is also one of Decoteau's more directly gay movies. Most of his stuff isn't really "gay" it just has gay appeal... this is gay. As far as Decoteau compared himself, this is actually a better effort to make an actual movie that isn't just a glorified skin pic, though it definitely is that too... kind of... but the "make out scenes" are much shorter in comparison and while poorly constructed and written, a larger portion of this movie actually contributes to the plot than in most of his movies (which usually consist of a 15 minute scene of a guy wondering around looking for someone, and several 10-15 minute scenes of guys in white tighties rubbing their own chests in various locales such as a bed a shower or a home gym, with very little plot development or dialogue between those scenes).

I'm always fond of writing comments on movies that are either underrated or unnoticed and yet possess some degree of depth or sensibility. When I started watching this movie, I prepared myself for something really profound. But then I saw man-to-man kissing. Not that I have something against that or on movies that contain similar scenes, it's just that I did not intend to watch that kind of movie that afternoon.

For the benefit of the doubt, I continued watching and gave it a try anyway. Soon I started appreciating it – first on the choice of words in the dialogue, quite sensible; and then on the overall script that practically ushers the audience gradually into something bigger, becoming more dreadful by the minute – reason enough for fans of horror and suspense-thriller movies to get hooked up after all; and then the directing that made the actors essentially effective, the narrating, and practically every scene in the movie quite creepy. I could not overlook how the director successfully managed to utilize the main actor's tears in complete silence at the end of the movie to convey lots of messages – could be for a love that ended tragically or because he failed and abandoned someone he loved for quite some time or for the failure of Usher to get him out of such misery. And then there is this quite interesting twist in the end that changed the perspective of the movie. While all along, it was Usher who seemed to be needing a redemption, in the end though, it is the other way around after all.

Yes, the movie contained some partial male nudity and gay relationship but all these seemed to fall into the backdrop as one focuses his attention on the overall message being conveyed by the movie – the fall of the house of Usher is the product of the failure to save a loved one, whether it is in the point of view of Usher, Usher's sister, or even Victor…*

After reading a one star review and looking over some of the actors' not surprisingly limited other work, I went into this knowing I shouldn't expect anything profound. As a gay man, the movie being described as softcore gay porn made me slightly curious. I thought maybe some eye candy would help make up for the low points. I was thinking it might just be another one of those films that had been written with some good potential but had missed the mark with too many awkward man-kiss moments. Only partly true...

Well... I will say that even with almost no expectations, this one still managed to disappoint me. The two male leads are, truth told, quite easy to look at and really their deliverance of their lines wasn't really that bad - just plain. The actress, however... was so god-awful I can't even bring myself to describe it, though I may possess the necessary skills of description.

To keep myself from going on and on about how bad it all was, I'll try to summarize in a little list.

* Script & dialogue - terrible. Tries to be modern and Poe at the same time... odd juxtapositioning of teenage relationship issues with "deep" conversations and really 5-dollar-word vocabulary. * Acting - Can't blame the actors for however bad it was, but still the male leads SHINE compared to the female. * Sex scenes - no actual sex. Not even hidden. Underwear are always on during sex scenes. Just lots of kissing and rubbing everywhere except where it counts. These scenes are very long and awkward. There are a couple of weird points where bare butts try to mix with spoooky surroundings, it just doesn't work unless you're *literally* homophobic, in which case I would think these scenes would be truly terrifying. * Plot - The writer has never heard of such a thing. * The "Twist" - While you may not see it coming, you have seen it before.

There are a couple of scenes or just shots where the lighting is nice, but the music is all really irritating and cheesy, and the leads are at their best in their scenes together, but there are only a couple of these. Unfortunately not even the erotic bits could save this one.

A warning to those like me: If you're looking for the homo-erotic, try something that makes no attempt to be anything other than a gay interest film. They haven't yet found a way to mix the profound with the homo.

Why is this even called House Of Usher??? It's barely got anything to do with the original! Being a fan of the original The House Of Usher movie, I decided to watch this remake, which I thought was going to be decent. But, oh my god, this was terrible! The dialogue was god-awful, the story barely had a connection to House Of Usher and there was too much scenes with men in their underwear that were completely UNNECESSARY! Those scenes wouldn't even be that bad if they were actually needed! But it's not really those scenes that are bad...it's the dialogue and acting that are terrible. These two things annoyed me so much through out the film, and their were no redeeming features to fix those two flaws. This film also had no scares, and I'm glad that it only got 1000$ at the box office.

Overall, I'd rate this a 2.1/10!