Bloodlines

What we have here is another story of redneck hillbillies who may also be cannibals (or at least necrophiliacs) who capture women, make them fight, and keep the winners for breeding. There's an old saying among hillbillies that if you can't keep it in the pants, you should keep it in the family: this film breaks both rules.

I think this is the film that has been on my desk the longest between arrival and my viewing. By the time you read this review, you'll probably not be able to track down a copy of the film. But what can I say? I just don't know why we need so many hillbilly movies, with cannibal themes, set in Kentucky or West Virginia or anywhere else in the hills. Although this one was better than some I've seen, maybe even better than Rob Schmidt's "Wrong Turn".

The score is good, with plenty of Jew harp (a far-too-underused instrument), and a strong resemblance to Charlie Clouser's work on "Saw", which is either good or a ripoff, I guess. There's also plenty of neck-snapping if you're into that method of murder, including some done by a mute brother, who is thrown in for good measure. Heck ,we even have two mutants who look like Garth Alger and the kid from Tobe Hooper's "The Funhouse"...

Complaints? I have a few. Despite plenty of rape scenes (not shown) and woman-on-woman fighting, there's a lack of nudity. Can two women really fight in the mud without a shirt coming off? I don't think so. And how do you keep the women from escaping their prison if you don't have them in chains or being watched half the time? That's just nonsense.

But seriously, this film is better than expected and if you can't get enough hillbilly action, check this one out... I've seen a whole lot worse, and so have you. Actually, for your sake, I hope you haven't... I'm still not over Paris Hilton's craptastic "Nine Lives"...

Why is it that ninety percent of the of the movies I've watched from THINKfilm have been so silly and so dumb? Pretty ironic, don't you THINK? Bloodlines is no exception.

First of all, it slanders southerners much like the recent Horrorfest III crap-fest, From Within. However unlike that bilge this is so un-serious that it only provides passing annoyance.

This was supposed to take place in Kentucky, so what was with the Confederate battle flags on the gas station wall and the dope with the rebel hat? Last time I checked, Kentucky wasn't part of the Confederacy. They were neutral in the war between the states like a bunch of Kentucky fried chickens!

Where did they dig up that woman in the skull shirt? She was off the charts obnoxious. Every time she opened her nasty mouth I got sick. It makes me wish the director could have arranged for Vince, the Sham-Wow guy to show up and slap her in the chops like he did that Miami prostitute. I would've immediately upgraded this to ten stars!

Finally, how unrealistic were the scenes of women being forced to fight to the death in that dirt patch? Didn't the filmmakers know that the proper way to force a lady to fight another lady to the death is to make them do it in their underwear on a well oiled tarp or in a kiddie pool. Doesn't everyone know that?

THINK next time, boys!

In the intro a woman is held against her will. We learn what sinister plans some old woman has for her. This woman is holding a baby in her arms, his name...Billy Bob.

Years later a country girl named Amber is leaving for college. She stops at a gas station...where, wouldn't you know it, the old redneck attendant scares her and says creepy things. Soon her car breaks down and she's "taken." When she wakes up she's in a room with two other girls. They try to escape but a bunch of violent deformed inbreds guarding the place grab them.

In charge of it all is...Billy Bob, now an adult. He spends his time having sex with his sister, who's eager to give him a child! But he finds that idea disgusting even though it is mating season for Billy Bob and what he does with the captive girls have them fight each other to the death. The winner will get to bear his child.

In the meantime, Amber's two skinny brothers who think of themselves as Rambos are out to find her since they haven't heard from her in days. They track down the house where she is and they and the girls will have to confront the extended family of inbreds.

Not sure why IMDb keep this movie "hidden" as you cannot find it looking by title. As you can tell this movie is very much in the spirit of Wrong Turn, some of the inbreds even look similar. It's a lower budget movie so acting and direction aren't exactly up to par but nevertheless it's an entertaining movie that focuses more on the creepiness of inbreeding than on violence and gore although there's some of that, too. It seemed that this movie would give us an even creepier twist at the end with Amber and her family, but unfortunately it doesn't go that route. Compared with most horror movies released these days which are just awful, this is a campy fun one.

Wow this was actually a pretty good movie. It's like Hills Have Eyes a little bit. It's got 2 mutants in it, one looks similar to Pluto. He's got a beard though and long gray hair. Lot's of good fight scenes, and crazy moments. It was fairly bloody too. The rednecks were hilarious too. I liked everything, except the ending, I thought that could have been a little bit better. Still though this is one of the better low budget movies I've seen this year. Defiantly check this out if you liked Hills Have Eyes remake. I also recommend Detour, Hillside Cannibals, and Wrong Turn 1-2. All of those are a lot of fun to watch too.

Bloodlines gets a bloody good 8.5/10

This is, without a doubt, the worst movie I've ever seen. There is nothing good about it. I read the trivia for this movie about how it was funded by friends and family and..well..yes. Yes it was. It would be cute if it was only shown in the hometown where it was created, but passing it on to DVD? Not so much. It's worse than any "Made for TV" movie I've ever seen, thus, it should really have been a "Made for YouTube" movie. The movie is too long for so thin of a plot, the story isn't fully revealed so the viewer is left wondering why the whole thing happened in the first place, and the acting is atrocious. There is absolutely no character development throughout the majority of the movie until the last 15 minutes where all character development is thrown in. I say again, this is the worst movie I have ever seen. I agree with a previous comment - the only way this movie could have been better would be to have more nudity and to have turned it into a porno. And even then, it would still be awful. Don't waste time or money by watching this trash.