Machete

Padre Benito del Toro: It's not safe for you to be here. Machete: I'm not looking for "safe." Padre Benito del Toro: No, I mean it's not safe for me for you to be here!

When you can sit back and relax with a Grindhouse satire like Machete, then you are a cinema devotee who accepts outrageous violence and a bit of skin in a Mexploitation fun house.

Robert Rodriguez (whose El Mariachi started his career) is the co-writer/co-director (with Ethan Maniquis) of arguably his best production since Sin City—Machete. Or maybe his and Quentin Tarantino's cult fav, Grindhouse (2007). At any rate, Rodriguez has become synonymous with outright bloody business reminiscent of cheap B movies in the '70's, and he's the best at it.

Machete, played by Danny Trejo, is as ugly as you could hope for in an unstoppable warrior with restless knives. He is a Mexican federale seeking revenge for his family slaughtered by drug lord Torrez (Steven Seagal with a bad toupee). Although the hearty laughs don't last the whole film (after all, too many severed limbs are not sustainable comedy), Rodriguez has other moments to keep us interested, such as a bare-breasted Lindsey Lohan in a pool scene and in another with a machine gun in nun's garb.

All of this fun is in the service of a message, albeit too obvious for my tastes as it slows the latter part of the film with stagey speeches about the crimes against illegal immigrants. The bad guys promote a tougher border presence to deter the aliens, not because they are doing anything immoral, but because tighter borders mean higher prices.

Machete puts an amusing end to a tepid cinema summer (with the exception of the challenging Inception)—after all, if Robert De Niro, Jessica Alba, Jeff Fahey, Cheech Marin, and Don Johnson can have fun in this mayhem, so can we.

In Mexico, the determinate federal agent Machete Cortez (Danny Trejo) opposes to the order of his chief and drives with his partner to the hideout of the drug lord Rogelio Torrez (Steven Seagal) to rescue an abducted woman (Mayra Leal) that is witness against the gangster. However, he finds the witness naked on the bed but he is surprisingly betrayed by her, and his wife and daughter are murdered by Torrez.

Three years later, Machete is an illegal immigrant in Texas that wanders on the streets seeking job in the Day Labor Site. He is hired by Michael Booth (Jeff Fahey) to assassinate the boasting right-winged Senator John McLaughlin (Robert De Niro), who is against the immigrants and defends the construction of an electrified fence along the border with Mexico. Machete receives one hundred and fifty thousand dollars for the assignment, but he gives the money to Luz (Michelle Rodriguez), a Mexican woman that sells taco in her truck and manages the underground Network that assists illegal Mexicans and helped Machete three years ago.

When Machete is ready as a sniper in a tower, he finds that he has been betrayed and set up by Booth, who actually is McLaughlin's adviser and plotted the scheme to improve the statistics with the sympathy of the electors to McLaughlin. Once again Machete survives and discovers that Booth supports the vigilantes led by the cruel Von Jackson (Don Johnson) and is associated to Torrez. Now Machete seeks revenge against his enemies and becomes a myth.

"Machete" is a funny action movie and THE FILM of Danny Trejo that perfectly fits to the anti-hero. The story follows the style of B- movies, with exploitation and ultra-violence, but has a cast that is a constellation of stars. There are memorable lines (my favorite is when the priest says "God has mercy, I don't") and details, like the name of the garage (Machete's Chop Shop). I have just watched this film on DVD, and the deleted scenes shows many details of the story that unfortunately have been deleted in the edition, like the twin sister of Sartana Rivera "Sis", or Rose McGowan as the assassin "Boots McCoy". My vote is eight.

Title (Brazil): "Machete"

Note: On 22 September 2015, I saw this film again.

Machete is Robert Rodriguez's film based on his mock trailer made for the double grindhouse release of Quentin Tarantino's Death Proof and his own Planet Terror. B-Grade superstar Danny Trejo stars as the title character. Those that have seen the mock trailer, or the grindhouse films, know the style of yester-year that Machete is representing. Cheap, nasty, and funny is the order of the day for this kind of film. Rodriguez clearly knows his genre and audience. He goes all out with this over-the-top action flick. The story is, of course, ridiculous. Machete is betrayed by some "above the law" dudes and has to get revenge by slicing and dicing whoever gets in his way. The film does what it says on the cover. Don't go in expecting a glimmer of subtlety or characterization. Go in expecting action, titties, action, blood, titties, oh and action. This would be all well and good except for some slight problems. The unashamedly preachy messages against the Mexican/United States border does get a bit tiring, as does the repetitive nature of the violence (after some interesting action set- pieces they all become similar, except towards the end). Also, this kind of film needs to be much snappier and shorter. It's around twenty minutes too long so that the humor and overall style tends to drag on a bit. Machete holds it's tongue permanently in cheek and Danny Trejo milks every scene as much as he possibly can. Jessica Alba, Michelle Rodriguez and Lindsay Lohan all make for good eye candy and there are some very funny moments. All in all, this exercise in grindhouse excess should keep the fans of this style very happy, even if it can slightly bore others.

Machete is one of the funnest movies I've ever seen. Right from the beginning you know this movie doesn't take itself seriously. It's essentially a live-action cartoon with A-list actors. You have Danny Trejo - the antithesis of a leading man - carrying the movie as Machete, the unkillable badass Mexican James Bond. If you want to talk plot, this is basically a revenge story. Steven Seagal kills his family, then years later Machete gets caught up in a political scandal where Robert De Niro is playing a cross between George Bush and Donald Trump, and somehow Seagal's character is pulling the strings. It's as amazing as it sounds. Then you have Don Johnson as the head of border patrol or something, mowing down Mexicans all over the place, and Jeff Fahey as one of Seagal's enforcers in Texas. Now you may be thinking, "Four villains? This sounds more convoluted than Spiderman 3!" And you'd have a point if this was a traditional action movie, but it's not. At all. It's a comedy more than anything with some ridiculous action sequences and gratuitous T&A all over the place. These characters just serve to forward the plot, and to give us some belly laughs, and somehow it all works beautifully.

Jessica Alba is one of the officers assigned to this scandal. Michelle Rodriguez serves as the leader of a Mexican resistance, oh and there's Lindsey Lohan playing Jeff Fahey's "religious" daughter. There are so many characters and somehow they all fit the movie perfectly. All of the acting is great (well, Alba is never "great" but she serves her purpose and she's as hot as a supernova so who cares). But you can buy Robert De Niro as a corrupt senator, Don Johnson as this racist megalomaniac, Fahey as this hard-ass enforcer, and Seagal as a Mexican drug lord. Yeah. And the best part is they're all having a blast. It's pure mayhem going on, and you're not bored for a second. Danny Trejo as the title character deserves much props though. He just looks like a guy who would have a wide array of knives stashed under his vest, and the guy is making out with some of the hottest women on the planet. It's the role of a lifetime.

Robert Rodriguez is amazing for making this an actual movie, and the cast are amazing for agreeing to be part of this project. It's so, so, SO entertaining. It's damn near impossible to sit through this movie with a straight face. I had a big fat grin throughout the whole thing. If you like silly action movies with fantastic actors and a surprisingly good plot, then look no further than Machete.

The big hour of Danny Trejo (Machete) has finally arrived. Yes, this is the first movie where the ex-convict and a man who's face looks like a Moon's landscape, is in a leading role. He does well in his role. This is exactly what he is good at. And it is killing (bad) people. He is doing that extremely stylish I gotta tell you. Just look at the first scene.

Robert Rodriguez has his own earmark. This is something you know what to expect, but you still looking forward to see, cause you wanna see how is he doing that this time. It's called riot. A crazy rumble which is out of control. It happens here too. And it's solid and quite fun.

This is a good entertainment. It's not for everybody. Rodriguez fans love it, others just feel a bit entertained.