Ninja Cheerleaders

Now this one was pretty insulting, though, honestly, going into a movie called Ninja Cheerleaders you know what you're getting into. Still, the description on the On Demand channel was hard to resist: three college girls are cheerleaders and students by day, but by night they are either ninjas or strippers. Depends on the night. Both of those professions, however, have the same employer, the girls' karate instructor Hiroshi, played by none other than George Takei. Kind of creepy, as the implication is that Sulu has been training these girls in the martial arts since they were children, and then later employed them at his strip club (so they can raise the money to go from their community college to Brown). The action is laughably awful. Most of the acting is actually better than one would expect. The three leads, Trishelle Cannatella, Ginny Weirick and Maitland McConnell are never going to win an Oscar, but they're acting is far above porn star acting. And at least they're attractive. The biggest bummer here is that the three cuties never show their breasts. They get down to lingerie. So as not to tease the audience too much, director Presley throws in some fancy wipes to real strippers for no particular reason as the scenes transition. This is most definitely schlock, but it kind of reminded me of the good old days of late night HBO or USA Up-All-Nite.

Seriously this is one of the worst movies ever and yet it is entertaining in a way I can hardly describe. First: The Title. A movie titled "Ninja Cheerleaders" is just a "gotto see this movie" to me. Anyway - the story is incredibly stupid (cheerleader strippers fight to get back the strip club of their ninja master against Michael pare - and to top it, they have to win a strip contest to get money for college....ha ha ha ha). This is a great setting for a really funny but stupid film, but the camera work, the directing work, the music, the actors - everything is just so bad. It is so badly made, it is sometimes hard to watch. But the girls are cute, they are brutal, they beat up everything they can - and then their is Captain Sulu as the master and Michael Pare. I want to like this film - if it was better edited and directed, it be a classic trash one - like this, it is just a film for men, who wanna see babes beat up guys.

I was drawn to the unsurpassable promise given by the title. I got what I expected, but also more. Ninja Cheerleaders is the best bad movie I ever saw, very funny if you don't take it serious and with some surprisingly good elements here and there.

You are not likely to mistake it for a Kubrick movie, nor will you ponder whether Jet Li could have done better fights. I have however seen a lot of allegedly A-movies which are much worse than this.

So if you like the title, don't miss the movie!

And no, they are not naked. They are only very pretty, very sparsely dressed and move quite nicely.

OK i don't know exactly what i was expecting going into this......wait no thats a lie i knew exactly what i was expecting when going into this i was expecting to see hot chicks kick butt and i probably had hope for some nudity and i also thought that with the title being "Ninja cheerleaders" i thought that there would at least be some cheesy laughs provided none of which was delivered the lead characters they casted never got past their skivvy's they completely sucked at any type of imitation martial arts and the writing in this film annoyed me i wont even go into detail but its bad and for the cheese factor although it was cheesy it never achieved one laugh i was too busy being mad that the chicks weren't gonna get nakie and im sorry Mr director man the random nude scenes between scenes will just not cut it my rating is 3stars only cause although they chicks weren't great in this film they were very sexy and charming so i gave them each a star and really it doesn't deserve that. some people might get a laugh at it watch and judge yourself

After somehow managing to sit through "Zombie Strippers" (thanks in no small part to the abundance of untethered breasts and jiggly backsides), I attempted to sit through "Ninja Cheerleaders" today, but just couldn't make it. Yes, I was surprised too. I mean, it had all the basic ingredients of a great film - the three lead girls were even community college cheerleaders by day and strippers and ninjas by night, but alas it was still totally unwatchable. Hmmm, perhaps if they had also been lesbian I might have at least made it to the middle of the movie, but I guess that sort of post-production armchair directing is like wishing more things had blown up in "Lost in Translation" and that there had been some hardcore sex in "Breakfast at Tiffany's". I suppose no movie is ever perfect (as those last two examples clearly indicate).

Anyway, I hope my inability to sit through "NC" isn't a sign that I'm now exiting my "prepubescent fascination with anything female and jiggly regardless of how badly written, directed or acted" movie stage. It'd really be a shame since that stage has basically been my defining characteristic up till this point and I'm not sure I'd recognize myself without it. Maybe I should watch "Zombie Strippers" again just to check? ;)