The Naked Brothers Band

Well first of all, this show is not as bad as I thought it would be! I thought it was going to be the most stupid thing I have ever seen, but in my opinion, it really wasn't. I rate it a 6 because it is really okay. It's not something I would just tune everything out so I could watch it, but it's definitely something I can handle. It might not be the best actors and everything, but it's really an okay show. I think it's unique and that's what makes it likable. I know many people don't think this is a good idea, but a lot of kids do enjoy it. So before anyone says on a kids level this is bad, maybe you should ask a few. I know some kids that love this show!

There is precious little justification for this show being on the air other than that Polly Draper has sufficient power--and/or that Nickelodeon is sufficiently one-horse--that merely wanting her cute sons to have their own "television show" was enough to "make it so," to quote Captain Picard. I tried watching an episode of NBB as part of my ongoing experiment to determine why Nick and Disney aren't shut down by the federal government. What, pray tell, do these kids do other than mugg for the camera; change T-shirts every four seconds; and try to act forty years older than they are? There is nothing entertaining, intriguing, or endearing about the program. Even the name, frankly, is enough to catch in the throat of a religious rightist, and I'm surprised it hasn't yet. (Then again, the "Cory in the House" episode where two adult men were found hiding in the same bed seems to have sneaked past the religious right, so who am I to say "boo"?) You know, Nat reminds me of that fellow on "Fried Dynamite"--is that the name of Cartoon Network's brief live diversions--who possesses that grating voice and, once again, tries at the tender age of twelve to convince his teenybopper (or, more likely, six-year-old) viewers that he is "hot," "cool," "sexy," and such--as if they could begin to grasp those concepts.

Did I forget to mention that the young gentleman have zero musical talent? Nat's "songs" typically contain two or three lines of vacuous text and a chordal progression that a Sumerian would consider unacceptably primitive, while any six-year-old tattooing with a pencil on the breakfast table can outpace Alex's "drumming." Good grief!

I tried this one more time, just to give it a fair shake. Would you believe (are you securely strapped down?) that Nat and Alex were discussing ... dog poop. They wanted a puppy, but their dad wouldn't allow it, so they were stuck with an Internet e-puppy, which doesn't poop. This led to a detailed discussion of whether poop is disgusting; whether they would willingly clean up after their dog; and whether they should borrow their friend's Boston terrier, E.T. (I wouldn't lend those kids a Q-tip!) My Lord, how fr*ggingly disgustingly awful. This is, to be certain beyond the shadow of a doubting Thomas, the most alarmingly revolting drek ever to rear its face on a television set. O.K., so Nat is cute. Mazel tov: the fiends and the NAMBLA crowd can watch the show and revel at the gorgeous preteen.

All that's needed is a laugh track, and I'll take a 9mm Glock and blow my own head off.

Seriously, even by children's television standards this show is badly produced. It's a really a shame that the same network that delivered "Ned's Declassified", which features some of the most talented young comedic actors I've ever seen, is now giving us "The Naked Brothers Band", which features THE worst child actors ever! Okay, so maybe they're not really actors, they're really a young amateur music band and that's why they're not good at acting...then why give them their own TV show that requires them to, you know, act?! Makes no sense. Even the guest cast is talentless. I'm guessing the band is getting their real-life friends parts on the show. Who knows what Nickelodeon was thinking. I'm guessing they thought the fact that these kids have been making music since they were toddlers was a cute enough of a gimmick that it warranted a movie and TV show based on them. Too bad they neglected that fact that almost everything else sucks from their music to their acting to the ridiculous name. And as someone else mentioned, why is this show on the TEENick block? Why would teenagers or even preteens want to see a show about a bunch of little kids? Because the show has rock music (if that's what you want to call it)? I really doubt older kids are going to dig their brand of music. If this show reaches any degree of success then it confirms my belief that Nickelodeon's young viewers really are as brain dead as I think they are.

The Naked Brothers Band was a 2005 indie movie that, well, sucked. Nickelodeon was out of their mind and agreed to turn the movie into an equally bad show. The main focus of the show is obviously the band, but you have to wonder how they get a show when the lead singer sounds like he hasn't developed at all and the instrumentalists are mediocre. It really raises an eyebrow when you find out that the drummer and singer are the producer's kids, but anywhom...

Each episode is compromised of some wacky situation the 8-14 year old kids get into. Almost every one of said scenarios ties into the "I won't admit it" relationship between the 11-year-old singer and the high school-aged bassist, the lone female of the group. You have to admit, what they've got going for them is actually pretty sweet and you'll find yourself rooting for them on occasion - but of course, cringe-worthy lines such as "No, I love YOU, Rosalina!" said to a video on a camcorder of said girl ruin it all.

An important question to ask is who IS this show's target audience? The show has crude humor and slapstick for the 4-7 year olds and sitcom situations leaning more towards the 8-11 Hannah Montana crowd, but the show's mildly sexual inappropriateness is too much for both of those age groups. And the show airs on Nickelodeon's TEENick block but it is far too juvenile for said group. Whoever this show is intended for, I highly doubt they would enjoy it, even in an age where bands like the Jonas Brothers are force-fed to young children by the media. The Naked Brothers Band rates as a 2 out of 10.

I try not to be nasty when I write reviews, but my utter hatred of The Naked Brothers Band clouds my better judgement. It is not only one of my least favourite shows ever, it is my least favourite show of all time period. The production values for one thing are really cheap. The fashions look as though they belong in the 70s or 80s and they are really bad fashions at that, while the sets are tacky and cheap and the photography and camera angles are rushed and shoddy.

Even the music is poor in my opinion. The theme tune is just fast in tempo and loud in volume, with nothing really to make it memorable, whereas the accompanying music is half-heartedly performed, unoriginal and dull. But it is the writing, characters and stories that sink The Naked Brothers Band. Starting with the writing, not only is it for me never funny but also it is written with no heart or energy.

The stories are poorly paced and predictable with unimaginative situations. Not only that, the show often has the feel of a really bad reality show. And I hate all the characters, every single one of them. In my mind, none of them are likable, instead they are loud, annoying, clichéd and little more than bland stereotypes. Even their names make me want to punch the wall in frustration.

The direction is often lazy too, while the acting is poor with no chemistry whatsoever between the actors, no sense of comic timing and poorly judged delivery of the lines. Overall, an awful show and one of my least favourite shows ever. If I were you, I would skip this and watch something like Sonny with a Chance instead. 1/10 Bethany Cox