Berbagi Suami

Ponder upon these questions: Is polygamy correct? Can the love found in a polygamous marriage possibly be sincere? Is a love for share worth the fight? Most westerners, if not all, would propose negating arguments to answer all of the questions. But to some Indonesians, it is a matter of making them convinced.

With a subtle partiality to the opposing side, Berbagi Suami (Love for Share, Kalyana Shira Films, 2006) tries to gracefully induce a big 'no' into the mind of its audience by presenting three separate yet intertwined stories about three men (Pak Haji, Paklik, Koh Abun) who manage to have more than one wife at the same time. To disclose the ironies of their marriages, the stories are narrated by three of the wives, Pak Haji's first wife, the benevolent Salma (Jajang C. Noer); Paklik's third, the gullible Siti (Shanty); and Koh Abun's second, the naïve and perky Ming (Dominique).

In the first story, Berbagi Suami boldly relates polygamy to religion and politics. Upholding his title as a haji, Pak Haji (El Manik) puts forward the argument that he is practicing polygamy in order to avoid adultery. In certain Islamic interpretation, it is legal for a man to marry up to four women as long as he can be fair to each and every one of them. A man of self-esteem, Pak Haji is also a political figure, and as an effort to confirm that his choice to practice polygamy is politically correct, he has Salma speak about how wonderful he is as a husband in a television talk show. Salma has to emphasize that Pak Haji has always been fair to all of his wives, a statement proved wrong by the second wife's persistence, out of jealousy towards Salma, to win Pak Haji's attention. In a scene where Pak Haji can no longer get out of bed due to his illness, he admits that having more than just one wife is exhausting. In a trembling voice, he says to his son, "One is enough." Compared to the "cold war" that occurs in the first story, the relationship between the wives in the next family is extremely different. Set in a lower class environment, the second story tells how Siti, following her paklik (uncle, Lukman Sardi) to Jakarta with the classic to-find-a-better-life motivation, sees herself trapped in a household that adopts a lifestyle so unorthodox that her uncle's two wives happily make shift so as to determine who sleeps when with their man, while the other stays with their children in an adjacent room, ignoring the yelps and the groans. There are dozens of kids in the family, but even after Siti is talked into marrying her own uncle, the other two wives conceive yet again, concurringly! It is said that the house belongs to Sri (Ria Irawan), the nymphomaniac first wife. When Paklik decided to take another wife, Sri must have allowed it, otherwise she could have kicked him out of her house. Economically, however, all of the wives depend highly on the husband; a representation of Indonesia's patriarchal system that assigns the women to domestic roles, where the men work outside the house and, as the movie satirically remarks, find other women while they are at it. When the wives find out that Sri is infected with a sexually transmitted disease—a turn of event that feels a little forced—Siti chucks in and decides to flee with Dwi (Rieke Diah Pitaloka), the second wife.

The third story makes us falter over which character to blame. Ming is a beautiful young woman with a dream to become a movie star, but so far life has only allowed her to work in a Chinese roast duck restaurant that belongs to Koh Abun (Tio Pakusadewo). Married with two children, Koh Abun learns that he simply cannot resist Ming's beauty. After promising her material security as well as recognition from his wife, Koh Abun marries Ming when his wife is overseas. It later turns out that he can only fulfill his first promise. Unlike the wives in the first and second story, Cik Linda (Ira Maya Sopha) faces her competitor and makes sure that Ming pays. She gets thrown out of the apartment Koh Abun gave her, while he cannot do anything but provide her with some money to find another place as well as to get by.

Our main characters are depicted, though only moderately, as victims of the men's world. During the discussion after the world premiere of Berbagi Suami in Taman Budaya Yogyakarta on March 18, 2006, a woman asked the director why the movie did not capture the extreme sides of polygamy, the pain, the tears. To some people, the lack of beating and swearing in the movie may be a disappointment. But some people do think that Berbagi Suami deserves a mention as an honest movie—honest enough to question the integrity of any polygamous marriage institution. Entertainment-wise, for those who find it hard to pick between which one to watch, this movie or Heart, I suggest they watch the latter, as Berbagi Suami might cause brain damage to those who cannot think a little harder.

I don't understand why many of my mates refuse to see this kind of movie. The kind of film, where for about 2 hours you will see a characters doing their talking. Yes! talking and talking where there are no action or explosive or super hi-tech gadget or even alien from Mars or a Superduperhero try to save the world.

This is why in general, this type of film drama didn't quite make it to be a box office in Malaysia. And I can say that why Malaysian film industry hardly compete with our neighbors country especially in ASEAN in making good film.

Berbagi Suami for me is very good film. It rated 18PL in Malaysian Cinema. The movie tell the story of 3 big women characters in dealing with polygamy in their marriage lives. The film divided its story with this 3 characters each and at some point will give us flash back that will connect to the other characters without even realizing that they share a similar problem.

For me this movie send a very clear message that it reject polygamy. Well.. the film is written and directed by Nia Dinata. A Woman!

I Like this movie very much even I am a man mostly because its storyline, its cinematography and the characters played by the casts.

Even the director put a footage of the Tsunami in Acheh in this film that really touch my heart.

I give 9 out of 10 for this movie. I wonder when will Malaysia my country will produced such a good film like this??

An Indonesian friend gave me this DVD, and I wish it could get a wider audience. The English subtitles are easy to follow. The characters are complex. It is not simply "polygamy is bad."

Nia Dinata's sophomore feature weaves together three intertwined stories about polygamy, marriage, and relationships. Handsomely shot, warmly acted, and smartly written with complex but identifiable characters and smart, believable dialogue, 'Berbagi Suami' is an all-round entertaining and thought-provoking classic.

I just got the opportunity to watch this movie on VCD, and it was such a splendid time.

I can definitely say that comparing this film with such a highly pretentious horse s**t as 'Ekskul' was like comparing Heaven and Hell! ('Berbagi Suami' as Heaven, of course...) I honestly can't understand what the FFI-committee thought when they picked Ekskul as Best Picture. Furthermore, that horse s**t also won Best Director!! Oh, come on, give me a f**king break, will you?! Giving a 'Best Director' award to a director that, apparently, disliked 'The Godfather'?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! They should have given the award for Picture and Director to this movie, instead! Berbagi Suami is an earnest, simple film about three families adopting a polygamy way of life, and many consequences (not a few are dire ones) that they have to face. It is funny at times, heartbreaking, and will bring smiles to all the audiences.

Maybe the members of the FFI committee are just too cheesy to pick a film as beautiful as this one.