Lycan Colony

I like riffing on fun bad movies or watching pros riff on fun bad movies. If you watch this alone, it's painful. Manos makes way more sense. Birdemic is actually The Birds compared to this. Werewolf, which was an MST3K subject for good reason, is incredible compared to this. This is on par with Roller gator, the most insufferable movie I know. Avoid unless you are with some witty friends or watching the Rifftrax version.

My family watches terrible movies every Saturday afternoon, notably MST3K and Rifftrax, so we have seen some cheapjack, head-scratching, miserable cinematic failures and quite enjoyed the idiocy of many. This was so deeply awful that even we very tolerant fans were disgusted at the truly HORRIBLE acting, if that's what you want to call it--we figured these people were relatives who wanted to be in a supposed "movie", hoping for their 15 minutes of fame. Infamy is more like. I can't believe that anyone connected with this was ever in anything else. We couldn't discern the plot, which was simply an incoherent mess, not helped by the abysmal sound quality. The cinematography, again, if that's what you can call it, was so bad we made faces at the strange filters and howled at the cue cards that showed in several scenes. Whatever was supposed to pass for special effects could better be found at a Halloween store combined with someone's phone which, by the way, we concluded the entire thing was filmed on. Gratuitous swearing to make the principal female character appear tough and current was stupid, as was a very Mediterranean appearing woman who was supposed to be a Native American and whose dialogue was so pedestrian and insipid we couldn't fathom why she was in it unless, see above, she was related to whoever was responsible for this travesty. We thought it was over--at last--at least three times ere it was actually over. So whom, exactly, was the audience? Where was this shown and did anyone actually pay (besides us gullible Rifftrax aficionados) to see it at a venue of some sort? Don't get me started on the music. In sum: utterly incomprehensible script, kindergarten-minus acting, laughable "effects", amateurish dialogue, annoying music, and not one redeeming aspect, altogether. There was no character about whom we did or could care. "Best of the Worst"? Someone was stone-inebriated when this was deemed the best of anything. The best comparison I can give? It was even worse than "Ice Cream Man."

To call Lycan Colony a steaming pile of excrement but that would be an insult to excrement Only gave it one star because I saw it on Rifftrax and it made me laugh. This film is so bizarre even The Joker would say it's too insane for him. Really shouldn't make a film when you're completely wasted. A trained monkey would make a better director. There are adult films with better dialogue and music. The day Lycan Colony wins an Oscar is the day Trump is on Mt. Rushmore. This film could be used by a terrorist group to torture prisoners. Imagine what we could to Put in or North Korea with this movie.

I have a co-worker that views a youtube channel that exclusively watches the most horrid of movies. He recommended to me "Suburban Sasquatch". My room mate and I found that completely laughable. I did not even have to view the Rifftrax version of it to get a multitude of guffaws. It was similar to "Plan 9 From Outer Space" so bad in every aspect that it makes one laugh.

He recommended this movie. I assumed it would be in the same in its incompetency level as the other, I was utterly incorrect. I watched 15 minutes of this atrocity and not one laugh.

This is what I reference as a "Purgatory" or "Limbo" movie. A production so completely absent of positive facets, it should not exist. We are being drowned in such movies these days. Everyone believes they can act, write scripts and film, they cannot and this is proof of it.

Cinematography is horrid. Much shot out of focus. Night scenes are badly done. These are the kind of movies that induce headaches. No proper framing of shots.

Acting is non-existent. I saw that one actress had over 100 roles until I saw all were "Uncredited". Can one make a living in films just being a background person?

Sound: At the 15 minute mark we encounter an interaction between a young man and woman. I was raised on a farm in an agricultural area. We had crickets. They were not SO loud that you had difficulty hearing what a person is saying to you standing a scant 2 1/2 foot from you. ADR anyone?

Nothing to see here. It is a waste of your viable life span. I do not understand how SO many of these POS movies are being made. Everyone has to be in complete and utter denial of the fact they are making a piece of excrement.

This film features a town or group of werewolves, just like the film The Howling! And that is about the kindest thing I can say about this drek. Obviously, a film made by amateurs that somehow got enough momentum behind it that it took off and ended up being saw by more people than those who made this film's family. Very cheaply made, very bad special effects and horrible editing make this thing almost headache inducing. Also, strange uses of green screens as they have the actors at the locations and at other times you can tell they are in a room.

The story, a trio of hunters are about to kill a young boy, but the boy is a wolf and soon they are all torn to pieces. Then we switch focus onto a family where the father is a brain surgeon who killed a person on the operating table while intoxicated and now live in the Lycan colony. A brother and sister come to find out what happened to their dad while the son of the couple gets coerced into the cemetery by a pretty girl. Soon, there is a brawl in two different bars or something that makes no sense and the night is very blue.

Yeah, this thing is horrible as not only was it made on the cheap, it also is incoherent as all get out. They focus on the family and you think they are the main characters, then it shifts over to the sister of the sister/brother duo. I almost suspect they were wanting to make an adult film, but none of the females wanted to get naked and have sex with their male costars so they just made a horrible werewolf movie instead.

So I would advise not hunting this film down as you will not be in for a treat. I find it baffling that this scores a 3.2 here on IMDB as it is much worse than films that rank lower. If I had to take a guess, more than a few family and friends of the film gave the film a high score due to their love for their family; however, it should be noted that I would have given this thing a two if I could have at least seen the girl that went after the son topless.