Illegal Aliens

So, I rented this shortly after the passing of Anna Nicole Smith, who I admit, I love. Loved her show, loved watching her be crazy, loved how beautiful she was. So many people had told me how funny this movie was. It got decent reviews on here, and even the guy standing next to e in line at the video store told me it was one of the funniest movies he had ever seen. Okay. I thought this might be a great way to pass a Thursday night at home with a bowl of popcorn. Wrong. I just din't get it? Why is this funny? I LIKE stupid-funny movies, but this one was lost on me. Yes, I realize it starred Anna Nicole Smith and Chyna, but I heard that it was originally intended as a vehicle for Helen Mirren and Dame Judi Dench.

The directors next movie he made after this was Craptastic. No really, that was the title of the film. I think that says everything you need to know about this absolute howler of a movie.

There are many problems with this film but I will start with the two lead actors. China and Anna Nicole Smith in her last role. Neither can act worth a lick. And both are now dead from drug and drink overdoses. Something that one can well believe by watching Illegal Aliens.

I can't find anything good to say about it. Well maybe it doesn't take itself too seriously is about the only thing I can think.

Best avoided.

This movie was hilarious. It was so bad and campy that it was funny, if you go into expecting a serious comedy you're wrong. You can see them making fun of themselves throughout the movie. Sometimes you just need to watch a movie in which you have to do no thinking, this is that movie. Go in with the right attitude, give it a chance and pay attention to the little things. You know they meant the movie to be this way. Totally B-movie, 70's campyness. Anna Nicole Smith was a comedic actress for sure. I liked this movie, not enough to buy but enough that it kept me laughing for sure. Watch all the features, especially the outtakes and deleted scenes. Just my opinion.

"Charlie's Angels" meets "Men In Black", says the tagline on the DVD cover of "Illegal Aliens", and for once they got it right: like CA this movie has a trio of hot female crime-fighters (in this case, aliens in human form), and like MIB their mission is to protect the Earth from aliens with evil ambitions (add a bit of "Superman II", and you pretty much have the plot mix). Of course this is primarily meant to be a spoof, but too often the humor is forced and stale: fart jokes have never been and will never be very funny, and even the satirical and "breaking the fourth wall" jokes (such as a "Villain Monologue Timer" that appears on the screen, or the director of the film yelling "cut" and talking to the actors) have been done before, and better (remember that "Dead Body Counter" in "Hot Shots Part Deux"?). In her last film appearance, Anna Nicole Smith plays the lightheaded, childlike agent: it's an one-note performance, but she hits that one note well and she's pretty adorable. Joanie Laurer AKA Chyna chews the scenery to the 9th degree, which can get pretty tiresome, but at least she's still in good shape - if she ever wanted to return to wrestling, she looks like she could do it. As Anna's fellow agents, Lenise Sorén and Gladys Jimenez play it more straight and come off the best; they both also have fantastic physiques and the skimpy outfits to show them. In fact, I think that the people who will probably get the most out of this movie are the admirers of athletic female bodies. (**1/2)

This guys are geniuses. I mean, aliens flying as pigs through outer space and landing and becoming babes? That is so incredibly smart and funny. Plus, get this. Ana Nicole Smith is playing... you're never going to guess this... are you ready?... a stupid blond bimbo. Can you imagine? Her playing a stupid blond bimbo? That's genius. Where do they come up with this stuff? They must have, like, talent or something, and genius, yeah, genius, and, like, they must be really, really funny people to make this kind of movies.

Anyway, I did give this movie a 2, not a 1, 'cause at one point I almost laughed, when this guy finds JC.

Bottom line, if you want to see Anna Nicole Smith, find some old number of Playboy or something, and if you want to see a comedy, see Hot Fuzz, 'cause that's really funny. But I, for one, can't imagine any possible reason for recommending this movie to anybody.