Illegal Aliens

Illegal Aliens (2007)

* 1/2 (out of 4)

Three aliens come to Earth and take the form of hot women so that they can battle evil aliens that are already here and planning on some destruction. ILLEGAL ALIENS is a mostly forgettable picture that managed to pick up some "fame" when its star Anna Nicole Smith died before its release. The film is pretty much a throwback to those cheap "B" straight-to-video releases of the 1990s, something that Smith was quite familiar with. Overall this here is basically just a mix of CHARLIE'S ANGELS and MEN IN BLACK with a few winks to other films including THE TERMINATOR. Was the film awful? Well, yes, but I think that was somewhat the point as the film certainly isn't meaning for anyone to take it too serious. This is obvious just by the extremely cheap special effects and just take a look at the flying pigs early on. After seeing the pigs flying through space, if you're still expecting something serious then you need to check yourself. With that said, the biggest problem with this movie is the same problem as so many other low-budget pictures and that's the fact that it just keeps dragging on for no good reason. Remember the good old days when a "B" movie could be bad yet fun? Remember they ran just over a hour? Well, this bad "B" movie clocks in at 96-minutes, which is about thirty minutes too long. I can't help but think this thing would have been so much more entertaining had the scissors just been taken to it. As for the cast, for the most part everyone is exactly what you'd expect from a film like this. Smith, in her last film role, is pretty forgettable as she really doesn't add anything to the picture, which is somewhat strange considering how she usually had no problems drawing attention to herself.

So, I rented this shortly after the passing of Anna Nicole Smith, who I admit, I love. Loved her show, loved watching her be crazy, loved how beautiful she was. So many people had told me how funny this movie was. It got decent reviews on here, and even the guy standing next to e in line at the video store told me it was one of the funniest movies he had ever seen. Okay. I thought this might be a great way to pass a Thursday night at home with a bowl of popcorn. Wrong. I just din't get it? Why is this funny? I LIKE stupid-funny movies, but this one was lost on me. Yes, I realize it starred Anna Nicole Smith and Chyna, but I heard that it was originally intended as a vehicle for Helen Mirren and Dame Judi Dench.

"Charlie's Angels" meets "Men In Black", says the tagline on the DVD cover of "Illegal Aliens", and for once they got it right: like CA this movie has a trio of hot female crime-fighters (in this case, aliens in human form), and like MIB their mission is to protect the Earth from aliens with evil ambitions (add a bit of "Superman II", and you pretty much have the plot mix). Of course this is primarily meant to be a spoof, but too often the humor is forced and stale: fart jokes have never been and will never be very funny, and even the satirical and "breaking the fourth wall" jokes (such as a "Villain Monologue Timer" that appears on the screen, or the director of the film yelling "cut" and talking to the actors) have been done before, and better (remember that "Dead Body Counter" in "Hot Shots Part Deux"?). In her last film appearance, Anna Nicole Smith plays the lightheaded, childlike agent: it's an one-note performance, but she hits that one note well and she's pretty adorable. Joanie Laurer AKA Chyna chews the scenery to the 9th degree, which can get pretty tiresome, but at least she's still in good shape - if she ever wanted to return to wrestling, she looks like she could do it. As Anna's fellow agents, Lenise Sorén and Gladys Jimenez play it more straight and come off the best; they both also have fantastic physiques and the skimpy outfits to show them. In fact, I think that the people who will probably get the most out of this movie are the admirers of athletic female bodies. (**1/2)

I have to say I honestly wasn't expecting much from this movie. I figured it would be a typical B-movie, direct to video and filled with bad acting and cheap production values. I was wrong. The special effects and action were surprisingly good, and I found this to be one of the funniest films I've seen in a long time.

Anna Nicole was absolutely adorable, and showed that she had a lot more comedic talent than people gave her credit for. When she was trying to do action movies, she was out of her element -she was made to do comedy, and it's a shame we will not get to see her talent develop. Because she had a lot of potential judging from this film. She was very cute in this.

Joanie Laurer was also deliciously evil in this film, in a screwball kind of way. I hope she makes more comedies as well -having only seen her on reality shows, I wasn't expecting someone so funny -just her tics and facial contortions were a scream. This movie is just plain fun!

As someone who enjoys films from directors like Preston Sturges and John Waters, I can only ask why Hollywood spends so much money to make films that aren't half this good or funny. Sometimes there's nothing like a wacky screwball comedy instead of some sophisticated overwritten psychobabble. To the cast and crew, thanks for making me laugh so hard. Illegal Aliens should keep me in stitches from laughing until John Waters graces us with another dose of funny. I also recommend Elvira's Haunted Hills for another great comedy that Hollywood didn't pick up on.

The directors next movie he made after this was Craptastic. No really, that was the title of the film. I think that says everything you need to know about this absolute howler of a movie.

There are many problems with this film but I will start with the two lead actors. China and Anna Nicole Smith in her last role. Neither can act worth a lick. And both are now dead from drug and drink overdoses. Something that one can well believe by watching Illegal Aliens.

I can't find anything good to say about it. Well maybe it doesn't take itself too seriously is about the only thing I can think.

Best avoided.