- Bam Margera: Ape, I got a muffed-up ass butt!
- April Margera: I know, and you had the cutest butt ever and now you ruined it!
- Bam Margera: No, Dick Farm Dunn ruined it.
- [Bam has just been branded with a penis-shaped branding iron]
- Bam Margera: You gave me a hologram dick! There's three solid dicks, there's one half-assed one right here, and then you gave me a set of balls.
- Johnny Knoxville: But a sweet set of balls!
- Bam Margera: Rad... I'd rather rip my dick off and throw it in the river than to do that again. Goddamn!
- April Margera: [after seeing the brand on Bam's ass] You're going to have that for life!
- Bam Margera: No shit!
- Man: [Wanting to fight Knoxville] You wanna step outside?
- Johnny Knoxville: We're already outside, numbnuts! Hahaha!
- [to his "grandson"]
- Johnny Knoxville: He asked us if we wanted to step outside.
- Johnny Knoxville: You alright?
- Chris Pontius: Yeah, hold on.
- Johnny Knoxville: What do you mean "hold on"? The bull's not gonna hold on!
- Chris Pontius: Ah, my fucking leg. Goddamn, these bulls are strong!
- Chris Pontius: [after Wee Man and Preston go bungee jumping off the bridge] That was intense, really intense. Well, not really intense, but pretty intense.
- Ryan Dunn: I was scared of burnin' my own friend.
- April Margera: Why would you burn him in the first place Dunn?
- Ryan Dunn: 'Cause it was funny.
- Ryan Dunn: [after Johnny Knoxville falls head first off the penny farthing bicycle] You didn't land it.
- Phil Margera: [after seeing Bam's brand] He should have made it bigger and more realistic, that puny thing's embarrassing!
- Johnny Knoxville: [Johnny Knoxville hands his fake grandson a flask] Don't hog it all you little prick...
- Johnny Knoxville: [after getting shot by riot explosive] Is this ok?
- [points to face]
- Johnny Knoxville: Then we're good.
- Bam Margera: [after getting shot by riot explosive] I'm crying. I'm a fucking skateboarder and I'm getting shot.
- Bam Margera: [after the Yak Charge] That couldn't have gone any better. I didn't know Knoxville could do back flips.
- Manny Puig: The anaconda is the largest snake in the world. It feeds on large animals and can kill grown men within minutes. Wee-Man, probably in seconds.
- Johnny Knoxville: Why would you say that right before we film?
- Johnny Knoxville: [shows Ehren a text message] Look at this. This is from Derek. "OK, who brought crabs to the party? Fuck me." Ha ha.
- Ehren McGhehey: [vomits]
- Chris Pontius: [after drinking horse semen] I'm ashamed of myself. I really am. I'm completely ashamed of myself.
- Johnny Knoxville: I'm Johnny Knoxville, and I'm going to the moon!
- Crew Member: 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!
- Bam Margera: Later!
- [Presses the launch button, causing Johnny Knoxville and the rocket to blast off and fall into the sea]
- Chris Pontius: [after Matt Hoffman attempts to jump the English Channal on his bike] He didnt even make it to Germany!
- Ryan Dunn: [Johnny Knoxville is about to be launched with the rocket] This isn't the best idea.
- Bam Margera: Yes it is...
- Ryan Dunn: [Riding Oldskool BMX] Why would anybody ride this shit? What's the reasoning? Why can't they just make two of the same size wheel?
- Dave England: [after going downhill in the Big Tire Race] Oh I hate that, I hate it so bad! Fuckin' sucky!
- Ryan Dunn: Why do you hate it?
- Dave England: I'm bouncing in my fuckin' head!
- Dave England: [gets knocked out by a large airbag] Ah... fuckin' shit... what was that shit? It's fuckin' in my eyes...
- Johnny Knoxville: Oh! Oooo!
- Dave England: Uh... what the fuck was that?
- Johnny Knoxville: Oh my...
- Dave England: I fuckin' don't understand... what the fuck did you do to me? WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?
- Johnny Knoxville: Uh... are you...
- Dave England: You're fuckin' me up man!
- Johnny Knoxville: Let's go inside man!
- Dave England: Oh FUCK DUDE... I... that was fuckin' CRAZY!
- Chris Pontius: [dressed in a devil costume] Keep God outta California! Whoo! Tell Charlie Daniels to write a song about this! God is *out*! He can have the other 48... or 49... whatever...
- Chris Pontius: [after sticking a fish hook through Steve-O's mouth] Oh, man. That hurt to do that to you.