The English Harem

The English Harem is a light, funny, moving drama, that will have you laughing one moment, and in tears the next. It follows Tracy, who lives with an Eastern fantasy, and lives in a dream world, she meets a man, who becomes her boss, she's intrigued by his harem.

I loved it, the performances are wonderful, Art Malik in particular, but the real success comes from the sheer loveliness and delicacy of Martine McCutcheon, I really wish she'd been more prolific, she's wonderful, feminine, sincere, beautiful, with an enigmatic smile. She's a delight to watch.

Don't read too much into the Islam slant, it's not a heavy religious based drama, it's just light hearted tale of love and escapism. There are some moments of racism, but those behind it are shown for the cowards they really are.

Loved it, 9/10.

How do you make polygamy within Islamic relationships in Britain appear socially acceptable? Easy. Art Malik.

Or so it should be... However, it doesn't work like that. This movie is about as subtle as a blow from a sledgehammer. It proceeds on the assumption that all it would take to make the abhorrent appear palatable is for an Oriental-looking gentleman, evidently monied, with an upper- class English accent, to open doors for ladies at the right moment.

It also tries to pull off some neat tricks, including having the working classes quaffing champagne at the gentrification of London, and the demolition of a housing block! It all seems to work out. It turns out, all the viewer needs to be 'educated' about is that everyone who resisted the encroachment of the 'new' ways (polygamy, being forced out of one's own neighbourhood, etc.) is simply backward, and needs to accept the Brave New World.

Bravo, Art Malik! Supremely patronising, politicised nonsense.

This has to be the worst TV Drama I have ever watched.

The story has nothing to do with the reality of the Islamic Culture or the concept of having up to four wives! I seriously can't understand what research has been carried out for this Drama.

It is an appalling attempt by the writer and actors, who have disgraced themselves in being involved in such a flop.

I thought Art Malik was beginning to pick up after his role in 'Holby City', however his acting was so poor in this drama that i wouldn't be surprised if this has taken away his chance of any progression. I think he seems to think that this is somewhat like the drama 'Stolen', which he previously acted in.....I'm afraid Art, Stolen was crap and this one was far far worse. I hope i don't see him on screen for a loooooooooonnnng time.

As for Martine, well she did a good job in Eastenders and that's about all.....we know that her 'only moment' .....was a huge failure proving that she couldn't sing and after her performance in this drama, i'd be confident to say that she can't act either.....i think Martine has just waved her so called career goodbye!!

(This film was broadcast at 9pm on 27/12/05 on ITV1) At a time when hostility and prejudice towards Muslims and Islam is at an all time high I was frankly appalled by such a film being given air time, in fact prime time, on a mainstream television channel. This programme is utterly ridiculous in nature, bears no resemblance to the lives of normal practising Muslims and is full of untruths and sensationalism. Exactly what sort of audience ITV wants to entertain with this I am not sure... the BNP perhaps? It is obvious that the producers of this show have no real understanding of Islam and the many millions of people in Britian and around the world who practise it. It is also obvious that no attempt was made to even research the subject. Even in the most biased of news reports or the most right wing tabloids it is hard to find misrepresentation of Muslims matching this level. The star character, while claiming to be Muslim, doesn't pray, drinks alcohol, practises group sex - as was on more than one occasion implied, and is strictly "haram" (forbidden) in Islam - while his wives seem to be portrayed as little more than sex objects. Polygamous marriages, while not the culture in the west and obviously controversial, are rarely undertaken by practising Muslims and, when they are, are NOT done purely for physical gratification but for a number of more socially important reasons (usually involving children, financial support of women, etc). The show deliberately takes a complex issue and twists it for the purpose of sensationalism. The theme of society being prejudiced toward the family is a very thin veil for a programme that does nothing but promote such prejudice. If this drama had not been so inflammatory I would wonder why it was even on television, let alone in a prime slot... the plot and dialogue are laughable, the characters pure two-dimensional clichés. It smells like a dodgy low-budget B film, produced quickly just to fill a bit of free space, yet takes a 9pm slot in a Christmas period.

"Martine Mccutcheon, that cute Londoner, in three-in-a-bed romps with Art Malik and two other women? I'm there!" Yep, this was the advance publicity for this drama, that Tiffany from Eastenders would finally shed her inhibitions and join the ranks of those who had 'exposed' themselves on screen. Unfortunately for those who might have built their hopes up, the part in question is a dream sequence and lasts for all of five seconds. Oh, and all the participants are fully clothed. So you can open the curtains now, and put away the Vaseline, as you won't be needing it. Never mind..

To get to the main thrust of the plot.. Martine plays Tracy Pringle, a frustrated checkout girl who has dreams of living in the Far East. Sacked for being inattentive, she looks for another job and soon ends up as a waitress at an Persian restaurant owned by Iraqi Sam (Art Malik) and his two wives. At first, things are a bit strained between the couple but, encouraged by Sam's wives, a bond starts to develop between them.. Ultimately leading to marriage and becoming the third member of the harem. Sadly, Tracy's parents and her racist ex-boyfriend aren't exactly thrilled at the news, and scheme to win her back. Can love conquer all??

Based on a book, the plot of this sounds absolutely fascinating and, combined with the heavy trailering around the festive period, almost certainly has made it a Christmas hit. The treatment however, is nothing short of conventional, as the characters have all the depth of those in a soap opera. Key among these is Tracy's ex-partner, who has no distinguishing traits other than the ability to act like a complete bigoted idiot. It is very difficult to muster much interest in such boring people, and what started out as a fascinating expose of culture clashes quickly turns into a predictable melodrama as Sam meets with a nasty accident, and Tracy must save his children from an overzealous social worker. Special mention must also go to the ending, which manages to be stupid, implausible and insulting all at the same time. On the bright side, Martine's Cockney charm shines though, and the two other members of the harem are certainly hotties. Perhaps if things don't pick up for them career-wise, they will consider starring in something along the lines of the first paragraph. Now that really would be worth waiting for.. 4/10