Hood of Horror

I wasn't even one stop light away from my DVD rental store when I looked at the passenger seat where my two day rental of Snoop Dogg's Hood of Horror lay and I uttered out loud, "What the fudge was I thinking?" To caveat my beef before the meat of the review, I will come clean and say that I am not a hip-hop fan. I might find Snoop Dogg interesting and sometimes even fun (when I have come across him on late night television talk shows), but I ain't linin' up at no ticket counter looking to score wristbands for his next concert if you know what I am meaning. His acting is a give-or-take option. He was in horror before with 2001's Bones where he did an ample job of not putting me to sleep, but let's face it, the best that Snoop has ever been was in stupid comedies like Soul Plane and Starsky & Hutch, and in both of those carnations, he pretty much just played himself.

Strike two against an objective review was the fact that Hood of Horror was the fact that it was an anthology. Squeezing three stories into 84 minutes is like trying to squish a marshmallow through a keyhole. Eventually it will get through, but you will wonder at end if it was worth the effort. Like Twilight Zone : The Movie or Creepshow 2, movies that try and crop multiple television length stories into a compilation masked as a full length feature.

Strike three was the detailing of the three stories on the back of the DVD cover. All three stories were about as original as a Lindsey Lohan drug arrest. I immediately thought, "Why should I invest time in a film that doesn't look like it invested time in any creative new ideas?" But there I was. It was Saturday night and the Misses and I just had an argument over who was the better director between John Carpenter and Rob Zombie. She decided to pout upstairs and watch The Devil's Rejects while I retreated to the basement (better known as 'The Dungeon') where the cover art on Hood of Horror won out over any pay-per-view porn that would have been a quick option 2.

If I had my life to live over again…..

Hood of Horror's first story surrounds a young girl's revenge upon the neighborhood where her mother and father fell by way of the 'ole murder suicide number. As young Posie (Daniella Alonso) grew up, it seems her hatred from her environment nurtured inside her. When confronted with three street thugs who mark their territory by spray painting city walls, Posie tries to assert her own foot hold which lands her in the company of the always watchable Danny Trejo who is nice enough to adorn her with a tattoo that gives her the power to erase these hoodlums from the face of the earth in graphic fashion simply by X'ing out their graffiti with red paint. Booooooooorrrrrring! So in about 14 minutes we are mildly entertained as they go down 1-2-3 while stupid one-liners like "What a waste…..of beer" are rambled off with as much humor as a Michael Vick dog park.

Story two didn't get much better. The middle act surrounds an obnoxious heir to a fortune that must live with his father's army buddies for one year before reaping the benefits of his inheritance. The story was so ridiculous and so annoying that I won't even waste my time going into detail. Even the two one-liners "Anyone for Jiffy Pop" and "That's my kind of redneck" were comments that would even make Schwarzenegger blush.

The third and final act seemed to be the shortest and "thank god for that!" As I swarmed in and out of interested consciousness, it seemed the story was about a rap artist that had to pay for all his bad deeds of the past. When a former friend and now undead visitor from Hell comes back for a visit, the rapper revisits his badness and ultimately finds his demise in rather boring fashion. Jason Alexander from Seinfeld fame is around for a cameo which was about as out of place as Ozzy Osbourne would be as an English Teacher.

Snoop's Hood of Horror was not the worst horror film I have seen in a while, but it was close. Without any stories worth remembering or scenes worth pausing, it felt like an 80 minute excuse to promote some new hip-hop/rap songs. And if the best part of the film is the animated intro, then you can guess just how downhill and how fast this film fell.

Now first things first, I love Snoop as a Rap artist but mostly his album "Doggystyle" is the quintessential rap album. Now this movie is terrible in so many ways. The acting is some of the worst I have ever seen. The directing was worse than a soap opera, and the stories are pointless and boring. I can see why this went Direct-to-DVD, because it is that bad. This reminds me of a poor mans "Tales from the Hood." There is nothing even mildly entertaining about this garbage either! I don't know why Snoop continues to try and act and produce movies that couldn't be shown on the Sci-Fi channel at Midnight! How this got made is beyond me. Please whatever you do, don't waste your time on this absolute garbage. I would recommend you try watching the above mentioned "Tales from the Hood" which is ten times more entertaining than this, and even that isn't that great, but it makes that look like a masterpiece.

Yes it is a hip hop version of Tales from the Crypt, with Snoop Dogg as the Crypt ... I mean the story teller! You'll get treated to three different stories here. And they are surprisingly good ... or at least they don't really suck!

There are the gross ideas here and there and the clichés have to be used (it seems), but you'll get a lot of familiar faces (Danny Trejo and others), that do support the small stories/plots. It's good fun, the effects are decent, the acting is OK for horror, but it's not top notch. And the intermissions, are not that good, I would even say they do divert too much! That means the crypt keeper can rest ... in peace actually ;o)

Hood of Horror is a gangsta horror anthology (gangthology?) comprising of three ghetto-flavoured tales, loosely tied together by an animated wraparound story. Whilst the stylish cartoon section is confusing and ultimately forgettable stuff, the bulk of the film is far more successful, being well written (much of it by 2001 Maniac's Tim Sullivan), very gory (albeit in a strictly tongue in cheek style), and confidently directed by Stacy Title.

Hip-hop legend Snoop Dogg 'MC's the whole shebizzle (as he might say), introducing each story in his inimitable OG style, and what fun they are: first up is 'Crossed Out', which sees graffiti artist Posie (Daniella Alonso) being given the power to kill her enemies simply by crossing out their 'tags'; tale number two is 'The Scumlord', which stars Anson Mount as a racist, sexist Texan loudmouth who is set to inherit a tenement in the ghetto, but on one condition—that he spends a year in the building with the current occupants, his father's army buddies, the all black Fighting 88; the last story is 'Rapsody Askew' which follows ambitious rap artist Sod (Pooch Hall) as he does whatever it takes to achieve fame and fortune.

A lot of people seem to dislike this film, calling it cheap and amateurish, but I had a great time with it even though I'm not a massive fan of the hip-hop scene: there are several familiar faces in the cast (Danny Trejo, Ernie Hudson and Lin Shaye) who lend proceedings a certain air of class. the splatter is very enthusiastic, the women are bootylicious, and I'm almost certain that the tunes are phat.

Let me tell you straight up that if you have issues with rather low-budget anthology-movies or simply can't stand Snoop Dogg, you just better stay away from HOOD OF HORROR. I personally think Snoop's always good for a laugh or two. So, I'm rating this flick solely on fun-factor, because it's pretty much light-years away from being a stellar horror-movie.

The first segment has a good-looking ghetto-gal being granted super-powers by evil voodoo-man Danny Trejo to take on her whole graffiti-spraying neighborhood. The second one has a yuppie-couple move in with some Vietnam-vets. The greedy couple has a hidden agenda of their own, and naturally the two love-birds don't get along very well with the Vietnam-vets. Third and final segment shows us that the price of fame always catches up with you, no matter how big a rap-star you are. And when you've attained wealth and stardom in a rather dubious manner, you're in for some real 'shiiiit'.

All stories have some very nasty and entertaining blood 'n' gore effects. Especially the climax of the second segment is pretty hilarious. The scene (first segment) that proofs sipping on gin & juice can cause a nasty splitting head-ache is a total hoot! Da Doggster himself is indeed worth a laugh or two (just watch out for the scene were he says "Doggy want a bone?" and then "boom!" goes the gun), but he didn't seem to have had a lot of directing guidelines. I suppose he must have thought his coolness was all it would take to play the part. His Cribkeeper character (or whatever it's called in the movie) has a nice back-ground story, told to us by a slick-looking anime-style animated wrap-around story. In addition, at the end of the movie, we get some sort of video-clip (featuring some of the cast members - including a devil-midget) of a Snoop Dogg song (apparantly especially written for the soundtrack for HOOD OF HORROR). He's just rapping it up on some fiery ghetto-set with a lot of demon-babes shaking their T&A. Pretty dumb song too, by the way, that seems to have been written and recorded in just one hour. The video-clip itself is of the same "cinematographic" quality as the rest of the movie (which means: tolerable and watchable).

Final judgement: No flunk from Da Vomitron, because this flick follows the rules of an anthology movie nicely (three segments with a nice twist at the end, which you may or may not see coming and a fun wrap-around story). The rather low-budget didn't make 'em skimp on the decent gore-effects. The don't-take-it-all-serious vibe and Da Doggster's witty nonsense made it all a bit more enjoyable too.

Now if you want to see a really good "horror in the hood" anthology movie, I full-heartedly recommend TALES FROM THE HOOD. At least Snoop Dogg's HOOD OF HORROR is a lot better than insufferable crap-fests like CUTTHROAT ALLEY and DA HIP HOP WITCH (dare I even watch HOOD OF THE LIVING DEAD? Anyone?), but it still remains just an entertaining nonsensical time-waster. A fun quickie, if you please.