Hoboken Hollow

"Hoboken Hollow" is a disappointment.

The plot: Trevor (Connery) is a war veteran trying to take life easy and hitchhiking his way to California. While hitchhiking, a trucker named Clayton (Howell) asks him for help on his ranch. Trevor agrees only if he can leave the next day. Trevor finds out very quickly that the ranch is filled with deranged lunatics who like to torture and kill their helpers.

It's a good idea for a movie but it just doesn't work because the pacing is lethargic and the scares are minimal. Howell does a decent job as one of the killers, but Connery is wooden.

If you're thinking "Hey, Madsen and Hopper are in it! It can't be all bad...." well, I'm sorry, you're wrong this around. Hopper is in this for about two minutes and he basically says the same line over and over: "I'll give you a lift to the next town". Madsen has it worse because once again, as in "The Covenant: Brotherhood Of Evil" he has an obviously phony mustache. 2005 was the "glued on facial hair stage" in his career. One more thing: Anthony Michael Hall was one of the producers of this mess. Odd....

"Hoboken Hollow" is a very poor flick, that you should only watch if you're a Madsen or Hopper completist (I've seen "Tycus" and "The Prophet's Game" with Dennis and "Flat Out" with Mike. I deserve a medal. Not Really.) For more insanity, please visit: comeuppancereviews.com

Never has a horror film so spectacularly failed to include any of the ingredients needed to make a film scary. the tone is one of mild sarcasm, the actors seem amused to be a part of such a mess and the scriptwriter is assumably a monkey of some sort. There isn't a plot, just a bunch of toothless morons grinning at each other. Yes, there are gory bits, but just showing a severed arm or a bucket of blood isn't enough to terrify anyone these days. Oh, and don't be fooled by the presence of Michael Madsen and Dennis Hopper - they're hardly in it. Guess they just took the money and ran. Dennis Hopper is one of the greatest living actors, and yet he seems happy enough these days to plod along making ten or twenty of these straight-to-DVD obscurities each year.

The comment during the credits that the film was 'inspired by true events' sets the scene for a truly dreadful piece of schlock that is more a pastiche of slashers such as Texas Chainsaw Massacre and The Hills Have Eyes, than it is likely to have anything to do with any real and tragic events.

The voice-over is wooden and unnecessary, highlighting the writer/director's lack of confidence in his ability to carry the story via the characters. Considering the quality of the dialogue, IMHO his lack of confidence is well founded, albeit it's his first outing as a director. Reasonable (and in some cases quality) actors struggle vainly with execrable passages - the tone is set early on in the dialogue between C Thomas Howell and Randy Spelling with their first van-load of transients. As both chew grimly on their lines and giggle inanely they seem more like naughty schoolboys who might slip a frog into Harry Potter's bunk than the seriously deranged, or dehumanised, monsters they attempt to portray.

How Dennis Hopper and Michael Madsen got involved in this piece is beyond understanding...and Hopper in particularly does seem to spend his few scenes looking embarrassed for all concerned.

If Glen Stephens goes on to direct further features, this viewer can only hope that he learnt plenty from his mistakes on this one.

My God, this film is crap. In the first few minutes, you get a feel of 'The Texas Chainsaw Massacre', and not a good feeling either. I've came to the conclusion that any film that has Dennis Hopper associated now a days, makes it bad. Let's have a look back. His career started to take a downfall when he made the 'Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2', ever since, no one in Hollywood wants anything to do with them, since that monstrosity has come crap like 'Land of the Dead', which was George A. Romero's desperate attempt to get attention once again, any attention he'll be getting though is not good attention. And then we come to 'Hoboken Hollow', If you want my advice, please don't watch this movie because you'll be wanting that precious hour and a half back.

I chose this movie on a damp bank holiday weekend when funds were low and there was nothing on TV. The video shop had very few options, and to cut a long story short - I've had a thing for Michael Madson ever since Thelma and Louise, and even Kill Bill 2 (at a push).

Not only was he barely in it, he looked fat!!! "Never mind," I thought, "this is meant to be really scary and should be good," snuggling up to my boyfriend and turning the lights down low.

By the end of the film, my boyfriend was barely speaking to me, half furious, half bemused he stuttered, "I can't believe you brought that DVD in to our house".

This really, really is an awful film, the writing is so bad the "scary" bits are hilarious, so poorly acted that the "moving" bits are, again, hilarious. The characters are far-fetched and the plot is ridiculous.

The Dennis Hopper good cop/bad cop thread is predictable and boring, the bad characters are like pantomime villains (a woman with five warts on her face?!), the good characters are so dull, boring and naive for getting themselves in to the situation they are in leaves you tempted to track them down and torture them yourself... the rape scene was the only part of the film I found difficult to watch - and that is merely because rape in itself is a disgusting act that makes most people uneasy, and not that I was moved by the crude/ludicrous representation of such abuse by lame acting and the vision of ol' five warts lingering in the door way licking her lips... it was borderline insulting.

At the end I didn't care what happened, I just really didn't care. Incidentally, I also chose March of the Penguins on the same trip to the video shop.... How an unsuspecting an unpaid penguin can give off more screen presence and charisma is beyond me.