Scorpius Gigantus

See, there's this giant scorpion, and it's been mutated by government weapons testing or nuclear waste or something and - oh, what do you care? No one watches movies like this for the plot, for God's sake. You want to know if the bugs are any good, if it's any fun, if any of the chicks get their boobs out, right? Sadly, the answer is no, no and emphatically no.

The bugs are really, really rubbish, and look like nothing so much as plastic models blown up to giant size. If they paid for these effects, they should ask for their money back. The plot and characters are all Z-grade clones of Aliens, the acting is uniformly appalling - Jeff Fahey, we hardly knew ye - and the whole thing is about as much fun as, well, being eaten alive by a ginormous scorpion, actually. There are no good lines, no cool moments, not even any good deaths. As for the breasts, don't get me started. One very hot chick and one moderately nice-looking one, and both stay extremely fully clothed throughout.

Whatever the makers intended when they started out, this is a cheapo monster flick. Some things are expected - thrills, fun, gore, etc. They delivered on the gore, but forgot about everything else.

This isn't even Fun Bad, its just bad. I'd even go as far saying its depressing. A giant bug movie should be at the very least, FUN. Not this one. We are forced to sit through endless dialog delivered at a junior high level. What makes this movie sad to me is that it seems like some of the actors really tried, but still sucked. Its like watching a kid at the Special Olympics line up for the fifty yard dash and then proceed to run in circles, for 90 minutes. I really felt bad for Jeff Fahey. What happened to that guy? He made some good movies in the past. The bug effects need to be seen to be believed. They wouldn't have been acceptable in 1983. I can't imagine showing up to the set of this turd each morning. Knowing that you were working hard each day to end whatever dreams you had of a career. At least Dinocroc was fun and didn't take itself too seriously. This movie made me feel terrible. I can't believe I sat through it.

One of the greatest Gigantic Scorpion movies I have ever seen. Really in a class of its own with the CGI used for the Scorpion. At least I think it was CGI, was almost to realistic to tell. The Helicopters were well used and didn't at all look like they were stationery or stock movie footage. The arm wrestling scene was some of the most intense moments I have ever witnessed. And the montage of trap building. Superb.

Hmm.. well I was surprised when I started watching this, as it appeared to be in the hands of a vaguely competent director. Well the lighting's quite good, considering the normal quality of filmaking to be found on the Horror Channel. It only grabbed my interest though when I noticed the major in it was the same bloke who was the major in Carnosaur 3 (aka Primal Species). having endured that gem of filmaking last week, I carried on watching out of loyalty. Turns out the movie is a virtual shot for shot remake of Carnosaur 3 - even down to the bizarre we were in a warehouse, now we're on a ship plot twist. Even the "climactic" explosion is a straight lift from Carnosaur 3. In its defence, the script, acting and effects are step forward from Carnosaur 3. Sadly thats still a long way behind pretty much any movie you will watch.

This wasn't a bad diversion if you didn't mind not recognizing anybody but Jeff Fahey. It's what you'd expect in most ways. The Special Forces are called in when Russian mafia try to steal what they think is nuclear fuel, only of course, to have it turn out to be something far more dangerous and unpredictable. I tend to think one CG monster is like the next, except in terms of how cleverly it thinks. I like this one. He was in places I didn't expect (others I did) but most of the time it did what it was asked -- it made sweaty palms. My complaint and it's not really a complaint is not knowing who anybody is. I always like seeing familiar faces. I liked Jo-Bourne Taylor, and there's a guy early on who comes and goes very quickly but the rest are adequate unknowns.