Cup of My Blood

Wow, this was a waste of my life. I wish I could take the 1 hours and 48 minutes of my life back. The story was brutal, and very unbelievable. This movies is just garbage. I warn you, if you watch this, you too will wish for the almost 2 hours of time that this movie wasted back. The acting in this movie is also very brutal. Sometimes it sounds like they are reading their lines from cue cards. I am in shock, and awe, that movies like this are actually made. Sure it had a small budget, but so did Napoleon Dynamite, and look how successful that movie was :). I give this a 2 out of 10, because it wasn't the absolute worst movie I have ever seen, but it is sure close. Anyways, you have been warned...

This movie will offend many Christians. However, I do not think that is the reason it was made, though I am sure Lance Catania knew it was inevitable. Here we have a new approach to the Holy Grail myth. This one is not so pure as those of the past, such as 'Indian Jones, The Last Crusade.' This movie mixes religious icons and chosen protectors of the Grail, with sex and murder. Many Christians, especially fundamentalists, will be deeply offended and denounce that as a Satanic production.

I am a pretty conservative Christian myself, but not only am I not offended, but this movie made me think about the nature of good and evil. Jack, the chosen protector of the Grail, does not believe he is worthy. Well, he is right about that, but that is not why he is chosen. He is a capable man, a man who can withstand trial and tribulation. He is also capable of doing things that good Christians could not, mainly murder. Therefore, he is chosen. The grail must be protected by someone who is mighty in this world, not the next.

Here is my theological conclusion, and I think this is what the writer was going for. God has given us free will, and most of us use it to serve ourselves. Therefore, the world is full of sexual sin, murder, theft, and all manner of iniquity. Of course God could change that, but God will not violate free will. Therefore, God's servants on earth, to accomplish there goals, must be willing to do worldly things. If we all live perfect, righteous lifestyles, we will be helpless in this world. That is fine, because Heaven awaits. However, we have things to accomplish here. I guess what I am saying is, the message of this movie is not one of blasphemy, but one of realism. The world is what it is.

I don't know if I am right or not, but certainly this movie was written to challenge the norms of contemporary Christian beliefs and make us think. It certainly did that for me.

Now, as a horror movie (here comes the sleaze), this movie was good but not great. It had its bloody scenes, but nothing shocking. It had the beautiful seductress, Iona, (She's hot) but its been done. I think Angelique in 'Hellraiser, Bloodlines' was a better seductress. This has more to do with the script than the actress, however. I gave the movie an 8 out of 10. This movie isn't bloody enough to impress those who like blood and sex simultaneously. As a horror movie, it is mediocre and I would not recommend this as a first choice. But, if you've seen all the other latest horror films, than you may as well watch this one too.

I was lucky enough to attend the Chicago premiere of this spooky epic and it really delivered the goods. Director/Writer Lance Catania has rewoven the elements of the horror genre into a commentary on modern society and the power/creepiness of religion. Plus it has some saucy gore and sex!

Pornographer Jack Fender (Daniel Patrick Sullivan) has accidentally(?) come into possession of a religious icon. Within his wacky, underground world he must come to understand why he must, by any means, protect the icon. Looking to separate him from his holy possession are a strange group of brutally surreal characters. Jack, while trying to figure out why he was chosen, also is in the unenviable position of not being able to trust anyone.

Catania has a way with an intriguing story, plus he displays a love for the "money shots" of the blood, guts and flesh. Playing like a tragi-comic opera, the broad scope of Fender's predicament also allows for the occasional (and sometimes nervous) laughter. As a director/writer of this original story (shot on location in Chicago), Catania displays a passion for the subject in every frame. But even through the exploration of his interesting and complex themes, he never forgets the reason why horror films have their wild appeal (wink-wink, nudge-nudge).

Satan, may I have the next dance?

Rating ***1/2 stars

There's uneven and then there's this movie. The premise that the last person you'd think should look after the Holy Grail is the one chosen to do it...well, I've see it before.

In the first half hour, the only person I wanted to see (Tina) was dead already. The hero was like a post car-wreck Bill Pullman. The porno king kept reminding us he was acting. Limpy has a good look but not compelling enough to wait hour and eighteen minute for. And the writing was atrocious with needless amounts of exposition AFTER you know what going on. Or some heavy hand line like "I got degrees in Philosophy, Religion and Art." Hm. And this picture as RELIGIOUS themes? You must be very important to the plot. I'm sure some trailer park trash found stuff like this "real inneresting" but it made me laugh. And not in a good/bad way.

Still, the final nail in the cross...er...coffin were the innumerable audio stings faking you out. It's a valid technique but it gets dull watching and actor on the screen constantly flinching. I can almost picture the audition - "Now, there's a lot of flinching in this movie. Let's see you flinch."

Go watch God Told Me To, instead. At least that's an ambitious mess.

The entire story was so confusing and illogical that at one time in the film I just decided to stop trying to understand it. Enough said, there is a Holy Grail, a special breed of people that can see the Grail and not die called Protectors, some weirdos that want to help the Protectors (let's call them the Geeks) and some other weirdos that want the Grail for some unholy business. They all kind of shoot each other, full of Faith and all.

The beginning is pretty well done, with tensionate soundtrack and graphical to gory moments. But it just continues like that. There is no sense of anything after a while. After really dumb dialogues and scenes, where even the girls that come to pose for porn sites look bad, the whole thing degenerates into a mindless bloodbath. Lots of fake blood and then, the end. A final scene that shows what is going on after 77 years. Why 77? What was the purpose of the movie? No answer, really.

Conclusion: almost bad and totally boring.