- Robert Toulon: [to guards] I hope you guys realize you're about to be accessories to mass murder.
- [guards show their cult tattoos]
- Robert Toulon: Oh. Well then I guess you probably don't care too much then. OK.
- Robert Toulon: What's the time on that bitch?
- Alex: Hey, who you callin' bitch?
- Robert Toulon: Sorry! I mean batch... I was thinking about your mother again.
- Robert Toulon: You have to look at it this way - if we invented gasoline, does that mean it would take us anywhere? And the answer is no, you would still have to build the car.
- Robert Toulon: [turns off Christmas Pals commercial] I hate those commercials. They're so... misleading.
- Alex: Don't be bitter, dad, just because they didn't hire you.
- Robert Toulon: I'm not bitter that they're selling truckloads of those toys right now. I just feel bad for all the kids who are gonna wake up Christmas morning and be heartbroken when their Christmas Pals are lying there like a lump of dung.
- Sgt. Jessica Russell: [picks up serum syringe, suspicious] What is it you folks do in here?
- Robert Toulon: Oh, well, we, uh, rebuild, uh, dolls and fix puppets and toys. We - we play with toys a lot.
- Alex: [takes syringe] It's for lubricating tiny little joints.
- Robert Toulon: Yeah, very small ones. Very itty bitty joints.
- Sgt. Jessica Russell: Joints?
- Robert Toulon: [showing off a doll] It's an original, circa 1920, Czechoslovakian. It drinks and... pees... Everything.
- Robert Toulon: [the Puppets keep trying to point something out] What the hell are you guys trippin' on?
- Robert Toulon: What kind of maniacs would use human blood to wake up demons? That's just crazy if you ask me.
- Robert Toulon: Christmas Pals, Christmas Pals, love to come and play. Oh what fun you'll have with your Christmas Pals when they wake up Christmas day... That's it! They're gonna wake up the toys on Christmas!
- Robert Toulon: Did I ever tell you the story of how the Puppets helped Old Man Toulon fight the Nazis in Germany?
- Sgt. Jessica Russell: Mr. Toulon, have you ever been committed to a mental health facility?
- Robert Toulon: What?, Yes, No, I mean, huh, well, once but, they, they, they released me immediately.
- Robert Toulon: Sergeant, listen to me!, I thought we had a relationship, you gave me your phone number and everything.