See No Evil

This, ladies and gentlemen, is truly a modern B-movie. The dialog is stilted and delivered with wooden rigidity, the premise is predictable (there are a few decent twists) and characters remain 2D for most of it. And yet there is a certain...charm. WWE wrestler Kane brings to life the sick, twisted monster of a man with a lot of pathos (though it is somewhat like his character that he's been playing around ten years) and so I'll find it quite amusing when people say it's "not much of a reach for him," but Glen Jacobs is, apparently, quite the nice guy, so actually it is. In any event, he's cast perfectly as the hulking brute and the deaths are suitably over the top (Jason would be proud), but I heard at least four applause breaks for four different kills scenes. Frankly go into this movie thinking that you'll have some fun and a gorefest, oh it is QUITE the gorefest. The R-rating IS richly deserved and I actually got a little nauseous during some of the more graphic times. In any event, a very, very fun, but fairly bad, movie.

All right, let's be realistic about this. Nobody goes into a movie produced by WWE Films (whose owner has challenged God to a wrestling match), directed by a former porn director (the man gave the world the Between the Cheeks trilogy), starring a wrestler named Kane, and expects a little slice of art on a golden platter. If you do then you probably need to find something other than watching movies to occupy your time.

So what exactly are we to expect from a movie like this? Well, here's what I was looking forward to:

1) Bad acting. 2) A fairly non-existent, clichéd storyline. 3) Kane walking around with a scrunched, sour face that indicates his nostrils just found the potato salad he misplaced a month ago. 4) Tons and tons of gore.

Well, if you're hungry for some "so bad it's funny" entertainment then this might satisfy your appetite because it delivers on all counts.

Obviously, movies like this are best seen for free, but if you do choose to sacrifice box office bucks then have some fun and make a game out of it. The filmmakers are nice enough to introduce us to each of the annoying delinquents by flashing their names and legal offenses on the screen. This makes it easier for you to write down which ones you want to see killed and in what order. You and your friends can see whose predictions are most accurate.

I also suggest that you and your pals write down every single moment of stupidity and inanity that you can find. Tally them up at the end and see who comes up with the most. I think my grand total was 107; can you beat that? I personally want to know how after 35 years and a fire does this abandoned hotel still have electricity, running water, and a working elevator?

I know, I know, the filmmakers are assuming that if you pay to see this then you obviously don't put much thought into what you spend your money on and therefore likely won't put much thought into how silly the movie is, but that doesn't mean we can't point it out and laugh at it.

I also like how the city wants to turn this huge hotel (which would be condemned and recommended for demolition by any sensible inspector) into a homeless shelter and they think the best way to get it cleaned up is to give eight punks a few mops and brooms. Uh-huh.

I think you pretty much know what to expect, but I feel the need to provide you with a couple of warnings. First, if you hate crowd interaction no matter the movie then you might want to stay away. The people in the audience acted like they were at an actual wrestling show. Shouts of "Kill him, Kane!" and "I hope you die first!" and "Chokeslam!" echoed through the theater, showcasing what I hope is NOT the best of what America has to offer. I usually don't appreciate such audience interaction, but for a cheesefest like this I thought the commentary added to the entertainment value. However, I can see how others could be annoyed by it.

Second, and this shouldn't even warrant explanation, the film doesn't shy away from the gore. If watching a big ugly dude rip eyeballs right out of their sockets doesn't scream "fun night at the movies!" for ya then you know good and well to save your dough.

I must say that I was a little surprised by the extreme lack of dialogue on Kane's part. I wasn't expecting him to put on an acting clinic, but I was hoping he'd have some cute little catchphrase like "Say goodnight" (his character's last name is "Goodnight") right before he killed a victim. Instead he uttered four words in the entire film - "Nooooooo!" and "I see it." But hey, he delivered them flawlessly!

If I were a bad guy in a movie then my catchphrase would be something like "Place your BETTS!" or "All BETTS are off!"

It'd rule and you know it. We need a new genre term for bad horror films like See No Evil that induce so much unintentional laughter that you almost have to label them comedic. Feel free to send me your suggestions. For now we'll just call 'em HOR-larious!

Okay, this is a B-Movie, Horror by numbers. The good news is it doesn't try or pretend to be anything else. So it just concentrates on being the best B-Movie, horror by numbers flick it can manage. It succeeded, but as you can tell by the rating, that still doesn't make it a good film.

Okay, so the positives. The acting is pretty reasonable and this lot, including Kane can probably do much better horrors in the future. The special effects, while simply being generic for this day and age were also pretty reasonable. Nothing ground breaking or stand out impressive for either of these. Probably the most notable thing was Kane himself, but it's not a great surprise seeing as his day job is to play a Psycho.

On the downside however the whole plot was so incredibly bog standard you get bored with it early on, stop really caring who's going to live or die and just try and enjoy the visuals. The story naturally revolves around a couple of young but tough women (like that's new) who have a tendency of getting all the men around them killed. The older characters are very peripheral and somewhat wasted. But that's part of the hangover from the "scary movie" sub-genre, which fortunately seems to be slowly fading into the distance and morphing into marginally better films such as this.

The worst part of the movie was the supposed plot twist. This was something that if you were to ask yourself what the most obvious, generic thing that could happen would be, you'll have guessed it long before it happens.

Anyway, as I said the film is at least honest and for a short disposable hack and slash horror it's pretty reasonable. Having said that, there are better films even in for B-Movie slashers. So really, unless your a WWE fan, or you really like this kind of movie, I wouldn't bother.

While investigating a call in an abandoned house, Officer Frank Williams (Steven Vidler) and a rookie find a woman brutally blinded, but they are attacked by a huge psychopath with an ax; the rookie is killed and Frank shots the criminal in the head, but has a severed arm. Four years later, the mutilated Frank is relocated, working as a guard in the County Detention Center. Frank goes with some delinquents to the Blackwell Hotel, an abandoned place since a fire burnt the last two floors, with the purpose of cleaning the location, preparing it to work as a shelter for homeless; in return, the criminals will have their sentences reduced. During the night, the inmate Kira (Samantha Noble) that has some Christian tattoos in her body is kidnapped by the deranged serial-killer Kane (Glen Jacobs) that collect the eyes of his victims, while the rest of the group is attacked by the psychopath with his ax.

The slasher "See No Evil" uses a similar argument of the cult Bigas Luna's "Angustia", i.e., a deranged man that collects eyes of sinners controlled by his insane mother. The forgettable story uses the usual clichés of the genre, with the most unreasonable attitudes of a group trapped in a place and beautiful naked bodies. However, this film is not bad, having a creepy murderer; gruesome locations and atmosphere that recall "Se7en"; a very insane fanatic religious mother; and some dark humor, specially during the credits. My vote is six.

Title (Brazil): "Noite do Terror" ("Night of the Terror")

Eight teen convicts are brought to the abandoned Blackwell Hotel to clean it out as community service. They soon discover that it's the residence of a hulking psychopath (Kane) who has a thing for pulling out and collecting eyeballs. It doesn't help that the guard watching over them (Steven Vidler) has had a previous run-in with the beast four years earlier.

A guilty pleasure of mine are slasher films. Most of them are poorly directed and acted but they still hold some appeal and entertainment value. See No Evil is a good example of this. It features atrocious writing and acting but the death scenes are pretty good and the movie proves to be entertaining. The premise sounds like a mixture between Friday the 13th, Saw 2 and Halloween: Resurrection. I really liked the idea but it didn't work out too well. It was really just a bunch of clichés and everything was predictable. Screenwriter Dan Madigan just focused on the death scenes and nothing else apparently. The death scenes themselves are pretty good and gruesome. Director Gregory Dark did a good job with them and he came up with some creative kills.

The acting is pretty bland and unremarkable. This is because all of the characters are one dimensional and we don't know much about them. It was hard to feel for these people because they were pretty unlikable. Kane is surprisingly mediocre. I was expecting his on screen presence to be scarier but he didn't do that good of a job. A second rate Jason Voorhees, if you will. The rest of the actors are relatively unknown and this film will probably neither help nor hurt their careers.

While the death scenes are gory, they aren't necessary scary. There's really no suspense just some gory death scenes. Because of this, the movie doesn't hold much of a repeat value. Also, if you don't like slasher films then don't waste your time with this one. It will do little to change your opinion. In the end, See No Evil is a decent slasher film but it is generic and forgettable so it's not exactly worth watching. Rating 6/10