Raging Sharks

"I think the audience will respond to the story because we're not just giving them sharks and/or aliens, but we're actually bringing together what has previously been two different and distinct genres."

• DVD Behind the Scenes

Shark movies are the cat's pajamas. Whether they're the good ones (Jaws) or the bad ones (all the rest of 'em), there's just something so rockin' about seeing the same stock footage from Discovery Channel being utilized in every single direct-to-video shark movie. Now, this time, we have a real treat: stock footage of Corbin Bernsen, looking gnarled, and ending every scene he is in with holding onto submarine innards and looking pensive.

The movie's "plot" is as this: Corin Nemec, who is basically Eric Stoltz, but far less talented, works on an underwater observational laboratory, the Oshona (Get it? Ocean?!). He shaves everything on his face except his neck. He is married to Vanessa Angel, who has seen better days. Together, they deal with Alien goo that falls from space and lands in the ocean (crashing through a ship, of course, for some neat funky explosions). The sharks near the goo become RAGING and attack people near and far, because GOD, alien goo just DOES THAT TO SHARKS. Sometimes the sharks are plastic heads, sometimes it's stock footage, but it's always brilliant, even when the stock footage shows the shark swimming just below the water line, despite the fact the action is supposed to take place several hundred feet under water.

Then, a random smarmy lawyer man shows up, and is smarmy, and gives our Eric Stoltz look-alike lead grief. Eric Stoltz dopple-ganger and Vanessa Angel look at goo together. Vanessa Angel delivers a line twice, in the same exact way, one right after the other. ("Find out what it is, OK?" X2). Eric Stoltz's hairy-necked twin calls for Matt, the scientist, who is in an unseen upstairs room, and who is also already in the process of entering the scene as he very flatly says, "Coming Mike."

Smarmy man turns out to be evil smarmy man and is then killed (sort of) by a harpoon gun, which is apparently an essential tool in an underwater sea lab. The cast is filled out with bad American actors and some bad Russian (er, Bulgarian) actors. From time to time, sharks swim around, just to let you know they're there. Whether it's computer-multiplied shark footage or hilariously fake looking wobble fins covered in shoddy carve nicks, the sharks are there in all of their brilliant and artificial glory.

There are some profound lines delivered throughout the movie, such as:

"The Bermuda Triangle--don't they know how many ships have gone down here?"

"You idiots stumbled across it and triggered a beacon that shot into outer space."

and

--"Have you tried saturating it with deuterium?"

--"Deuterium? No... Deuteriummmm......Of course!!"

During the movie, there is a shark autopsy performed. Inside the mouth of the shark sits an obvious tongue, which sharks do not in any way possess. But, then again, these RAGING sharks rewrite the big book of sharks that these filmmakers obviously failed to read.

The film ends as brilliantly as it begins. ALERT explodes on the lab's computer screens with the same authenticity of a screen saver as explosions begin for no apparent reason. Said aliens from the movie's intro beam down to the wreckage containing the goo while the Oshona sits with no power or oxygen, due to said unexplained explosions that have crippled the lab. Aliens sit there, relishing in their beam of space light, and look around, all the while set to the soothing Operatic film score that totally does not belong anywhere near this movie.

As the trapped-inside-the-Oshona-lab scientist couple take their last breath, the aliens begin glowing so bright that orange light fills the screen.

CUT TO:

The couple, in full out scuba gear, SWIMMING AWAY FROM THE OSHONA. How did that happen? You'll be on the edge of your seat, waiting for the explanation that never comes. Also swimming away is the evil smarmy man who was clearly killed with a harpoon gun earlier in the film. Despite the giant harpoon in him, and the aliens who sit idly by, and being several hundred feet under water and DROWNING, he still deems it necessary to attempt to kill Eric Stoltz's wimpy little brother and Vanessa Angel. But don't worry; he's instantly shoved in the plastic mouth of a plastic shark, and screams.

Does this movie suck? Yes. It does. A lot.

Did I love it? Yes. I did. A lot.

I'd recommend watching the Behind the Scenes featurette, because you'll get to see everyone say with a straight face how good the movie is and why the audience will love it. You'll also see one of the actors boast about his background in karate and how he did all his own stunts.

'Sides, anyone who actually rents a movie called "Raging Sharks" deserves to be disappointed.

Watch it. Love it. Regret It.

Wonderful stock footage of sharks, of people of the beach, of submarines, sewn together with bad acting and an even worse script. A must see for bad movie fans. In particular this is worth a watch just for the one shot of the tug-boat hand pulling off his hat and crinkling his face as he responds to the tragedy of a diver's sudden choppily-edited, stock-footaged death in the mouth of a Raging Shark. Even the credits are hilarious as you read the names which all seem to end in 'ovo' or 'vala' as this film was some sort of Bulgarian production. And remember as you come to the conclusion that there is a lesson here: There are literal Raging Sharks, but there are also metaphorical Raging Sharks: Humans.

Great Stuff!

In just about every way that you can think of, RAGING SHARKS utterly fails. I'll start by listing all the positive stuff I can think of. For a quickie shot in eastern Europe, the sets they build for the underwater laboratory and the nuclear sub weren't bad. And I did get a good laugh when one character in the sub says "Captain, we have a problem" in a passive voice while the sub he's in is blowing up. And that's all I can think of that was positive about my experience watching this loser. The shark attacks aren't very bloody and are filmed in a way that's hard to make out what's happening (probably to mask that the shark they use is made of rubber.) The movie is filled with stock footage, and the plot eventually comes to a crawl, with a lot of the movie still left to run. Incredibly, the last third of the movie, despite the title, is pretty much shark free! To top things off, the movie ends with a deus ex machina resolution that will leave you feeling cheated, even though the device used was introduced in the (pretty incomprehensible) beginning of the movie. If you get your hands on a copy, send it down to Davy Jones' locker!

There is nothing redeeming about this movie. There aren't even epic shark attacks. One reviewer wrote of a drinking game when you notice some scene that got jacked from some other better film...if you must watch...do it for that and that only. And have a lot to drink. I wish I had. I feel bad for the sharks in this movie.

This film was on TV the other night and I knew nothing about it beforehand. After the opening scene I thought it's some late '80s shark flick and it would be a fun passtime to watch it for typical B-movie elements. Geez, they made such a film in 2005!!

OK, let me tell this straight. I didn't watch the film expecting a great thrilling storyline or great ideas or things like that. It's pretty obvious that this film would contain the lamest story possible (sharks come near alien waste underwater and they go insane) with the lamest dialogues ("Man this is Bermuda triangle... do you know how many ships drowned here?") and the cheapest effects.

I watched it expecting a bit gore and hints of nudity etc. Well, the seems like they wished to make a G-rated film. I mean there were three pretty girls in the underwater lab and none of them attempted to remove their cloths. Then why should anyone watch such movies for? Plastic shark heads moving under shallow water? Pardon me for those women-objectifying wishes, but I know where to expect what.

Why are these things made again and again?