The Poseidon Adventure

OK, this movie was not saved even by ADAM BALDWIN!! And what's up with ROBOCOP getting shot so soon in the movie? He was horrible!! And he was drinking on duty? And then there is that dude from Police Academy. Oh my GOD he was sad. When he said "Cruiseships are not supposed to capsize" I almost barfed out a lung. I mean, this was sad. Then there is Rutger Hauer and C Thomas Howell as a Priest and Ships doctor respectively? I was half expecting Rutger to allude to "The Hitcher" and talk about the juice that spurts out of an eyeball when stabbed. Then there is that dude who is a poor man's Michael Caine! Yes, that annoying Aussie from Cocktail. He was PATHETIC as a poorly baked cake on Hitler's birthday. His acting was sad and NOT good. Then there was this CRUISE SHIP that TERRORISTS happened to infiltrate? I have been on Carnival Cruise Line and trust me, there are NO TERRORIST LOOKING DUDES EVEN ALLOWED to work on those boats!! If you look like HodGee from Johnny Qwest, then you DO NOT GET HIRED! Avoid this movie and save yourself from TORTURE IN THE NINTH DEGREE OF HELL!

Having just watch the first remake of the classic Poseidon Adventure to be released, I can now safely say "If it ain't broke, don't fix it!" Not to say that this was a bad remake but it was not great either. Disappointing characters, none of which were endearing and it would not have been a huge loss if none of them got out. Good special effects, but not spectacular - lots of very average CG effects. The capsizing of the ship had no shock/horror effect of the original - it looked like it could be a lot of fun to go sliding across the polished floors, landing on your feet to walk up the wall to the roof of the ballroom. Let's just hope that the big screen "POSEIDON" due for release in 2006 is better than this small screen adaption. My last comment is "STELLA, STELLA, WHERE ARE YOU STELLA?"

How can I begin? It should have been called The Love Boat VII. There is nothing even interesting about this movie. Would anyone involved win this movie use it on their CV? It was one of four movies on a $5 DVD in the delete bin at Walmart. This movie cost $1.25 and at that was overpriced. I noticed that the Australian version of this thing was considerably shorter than the general release version and had we not fast forwarded through every piece of "significant" dialogue I would have kicked myself for not searching out the Aussie release.

I am somewhat grateful however knowing that should I decide to finish my story about the workday of a toll-booth collector, there are producers out there waiting. Rutger Hauer and Steve Gutenberg are already cast.

A chimpanzee could write a better screenplay by sticking a crayon where the sun don't shine and squatting over a copy of the National Enquirer.

On the surface, a movie like the Poseidon Adventure is almost impossible to screw up. Put a bunch of well known faces on the screen in a life or death situation and you should have something compelling and interesting. Sadly, this is not the case in this below average remake. That's because the script never developed the characters enough to allow us to empathize with or feel for them. The death of Mrs. Rosen is a prime example: in the original it made you cry, not only for her, but for her husband and Gene Hackman's Reverand Scott. Here, she was a widow who's only contribution was to udder silly reminisces about her dead husband Manny. Her death was like "Goodbye Mrs. Rosen, we hardly knew yee", as Rutger Haurer's character appears only mildy disturbed, as if her death is an unneeded distraction. Furthermore, the direction was unsuccessful in creating the suspense and sense of impending doom that dominated the original. There is no conflict or tension between the characters like in the first either, mainly because there is no definitive leader of the group akin to Reverand Scott. What it comes down to is you can't have a disaster movie where you can't relate to the characters and fully appreciate the danger they're in. That's what it's about. Any discussion of special effects and the plausibility of the plot is just ancillary.

This is without a doubt the worst TV movie I have ever seen.

How tripe like this gets through to the point of being screened is beyond me.

The acting is shied, the script rubbish, the effects.. well, what effects, there is no tension, no drama... nothing.

In our house we were laughing all the way through and predicting who was going to die and when. It was remarkably easy especially at the end when the "terrorist" and the hot chick who had the affair with married guy had to die. (This did raise the question as to why the cheating husband lives but no the single hot chick?)