Newlyweds: Nick & Jessica

One of the guys from Blink-182, Mark or Biff or something, once said that listening to pop music was punk because everyone hates it. He was probably referring to his own crowd, because someone is obviously buying pop records. Nevertheless, he raises an interesting point.

Our novels and films are filled with the neurotic, intelligent observations of the socially inept, as these protagonists struggle to accomplish the most basic functions of everyday life. {Talking to someone at a bar, having fun over the holidays}.

Jessica, on the other hand, displays many social behaviors, has a healthy bodyweight, loves the media, and kisses people on the lips by way of greeting. She is the opposite of the massively popular Zellweger/Bridget Jones character type, and still turns a brisk business in spite of it.

Her 500-word vocabulary is probably false. John Wayne had that one figured out in the forties.

I'm not a big fan of reality TV (if you've read any of my reviews for television shows you'll know this already!). I had never seen any episodes of "Newlyweds," nor did I care to, but while staying in a hotel in London, MTV was playing a marathon and I happened upon one of the episodes - probably the most (in)famous, the one where Jessica Simpson eats the tuna and asks if it's made out of chicken.

I didn't know the story behind the show then - how Joe Simpson, the father, had persuaded MTV to finance the show after Jessica's albums stopped selling, and how after the popularity of the show increased, her albums began to fly off the shelves. Joe Simpson is a savvy businessman and he's always seemed to make the best out of the worst for his two daughters - he's the brains behind everything and he rarely receives any credit.

The show itself is kind of lame but nevertheless amusing and entertaining - newlyweds Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey (of the doomed boy band 98 Degrees) get married and the show follows their daily routines at home - their ups, downs, and romantic moments.

The real charm of the show is Jessica Simpson. I don't listen to her music and I had only heard her name mentioned a few times, but it seems now I can't go anywhere without seeing her face.

I think she's naturally cuter than Britney Spears and has a nicer attitude - she's ditzy but honest, spoiled but funny in spite of (or rather because of) her pampered lifestyle. A few of her quotes had me laughing - like when she hires a cook to make a dinner for Valentine's Day, then tells Nick, "I was cooking all day." I can see why people would hate this, but as far as reality "entertainment" goes, at least "Newlyweds" is just that: entertaining. It's like one of those guilty pleasures - something so appalling you just can't stop watching.

I only started watching Newlyweds in Decembeer 2005 and I've just become hooked. It's a shame Jessica and Nick split, I thought they made a lovely couple. I do think Jessica would have wanted a bit more affection than her husband showed. I really felt for her when she had to watch her husband dancing with other girls (it must be hard for any woman) and I don't feel Nick was very reassuring. The funniest bit was the episode where they were playing a game with a group of friends and one of them thought African was a language and Nick pointed out that Africa was a country, but the people don't speak African!! Very funny. Interestingly, Jess seems to buy things without looking at price tags, and then complain about it later. Like the time she bought lingerie for $628! I'm such a romantic and I keep thinking they'll end up together again.

Okay, so they're not the smartest couple on the planet ("Is it Platama-puss or Platypus?" Jessica asks at one point) but it was highly entertaining to watch them bicker and whine over the stupidest things (Jessica must horrify all the feminists out there, but it's nice to know there are still some girlie-girls out there).

Nick whatsisface is unheard of in the UK, but he came off as being the typical boy band type - Make of that what you will.

I'd watch a second series just to hear more of Jessica's pearls of wisdom ("My ears are itching" "You mean your ears are burning, Jess.") and there's a certain fascination value to seeing celebs burp and trip over, even though in principle I hate shows like Big Brother and the rash of humiliation shows like Distraction that have ruined UK TV. If I want to see people tortured I'll go to Iraq thankyouverymuch.

While MTV deserves low marks for selling out with salacious material in many of their programs, this could be the worst show they've ever put on. Whereas The Real World will at least have a couple of interesting cast members, this pair is just hideously immature and stupid. It's incredible when people don't realize how much they're embarrassing themselves. That Jessica makes Anna Nicole look like Simone de Beauvoir.