Little Marines

Since the dawn of time, humankind has searched for a semblance of meaning in its lives. I think that this seemingly eternal quest for knowledge of ourselves and the world around us has come to an end with the blinding brilliance of the Little Marines. Whether it is helping a lonely woodsman realize that he needs to move on with his life, or tending to their own pain whilst memories of their dead friend Matt singing succulently into a banana while his hair and scarf blow in the wind generated by the heavy breathing of the perverted janitor watching off stage at the talent show, the Little Marines do it all, and they do it in style. It's so spectacular that the run-on sentences and unintentional pleasured gibberish spurting from my trembling fingers on the keyboard is unavoidable. The words of any language, English or no, conceived by human minds can simply not do justice in praising this wondrous movie. All that we are left with are primitive, amazed grunts. So invite your neighbours, invite your friends, and befriend you enemies in the glowing glow of the television while the Little Marines enchant and astonish you whilst softly encouraging amazement.

First off, I didn't know that anyone else had even SEEN this f***ing thing. I caught it when I was maybe eleven years old and that's only because my little hometown video store must have ordered every shot-on-video turd ever made (that may have something to do with why they're no longer in business) but of all the crap I watched in my youth (and I do mean CRAP, folks) this one and this other little thing called "The Skid Kid" (which doesn't even show up on IMDb, probably for the better) tend to stick out in my memory as some of the best times I ever had with pure awfulness. The story that makes up "Little Marines" is irrelevant. Just think of "Stand By Me" if it had been stripped of everything that made it a classic, then remade to where it was set in "modern" times, with nonactors, the production values of a third-rate after-school special, and written by someone who had absolutely zero idea of what kids were really like at that age.

Basically, three kids go camping. That's the plot. Along the way they run into a hateful cop, a drug-dealer in a corvette, some paintgun wielding kid on a cheap little motorscooter, and a s***load of turtles. They build a tee-pee and work out to "YMCA" (yes, that's right). There's also some very awkward and uncomfortable-feeling (for me, anyway) flashback scenes that involve a recently deceased friend of the boys and some kind of talent show with bananas for microphones (Seriously folks, Kools are all I've been smoking today). You know that odd feeling of nostalgia you get when you flip through an old grade-school yearbook? How about that feeling of dread you used to get on Sunday afternoons when you knew that you had to be at school the next morning? Well, that's the feeling I got from these scenes....the FIRST time I watched it. Not sure what that says about the film (or me for that matter) but that's the closest I can come to describing it and I've never had that same feeling come from another movie since. Weird.

Now as you can probably tell by now, if you're still reading at this point, this is not exactly high-quality entertainment. You can tell that the "film makers" did not intend to make a "hey let's laugh at the b-movie" kinda flick. It seems far too sincere for that. Come to think of it, I'm really not sure that they even knew what they were trying to make. But they did succeed in an unintentional comic masterpiece. The dialogue is a hoot and I'd add it to my library for that alone. How about all those turtles??? Then there's the aforementioned talent show. Who could forget the CLASSIC exchange between that kid Noah and the cop (Cop: "where you boys going?" Noah:Campin'). There's the TERRIBLY amusing scene that involved the boys an old lady and her dog. And who could forget the scene where Stevie gets off the school bus, sees his newly restored Huffy sitting in his driveway from a block away, whoops out "MY BIKE!!!!" then runs (in real time) while the camera follows over his shoulder the whole distance. Choice stuff. Oh and did I mention that it's been SIXTEEN YEARS since I have seen it? Generally, my memory sucks about as much as this movie, so the fact that I'm able to recall so much about this thing has to give it at least some kind of merit. I actually tried looking for it on here several years ago and came up with nothing so I was really surprised to see that it was even on IMDb.

Well, it sure has been fun pointlessly trashing a film that maybe 50 people world-wide have ever seen, but I'm afraid I've killed enough time doing so. I think I'm gonna try to go track it down and put it on my zune so I can carry it with me every where I go....

First of all the acting is horrendous. Noah and Chris(characters) make me want to mutilate myself while watching them stumble through their lines. I consider it child abuse the daycare I attended(don't worry CDC I won't name names) forced us to watch this piece of sh** more than 10 times. You don't remember much from when you are 6 but these torturous moments having to watch Steve Landers Jr. attempt to act are no doubt scarring. There isn't much else to say about this 30 cent film except if you haven't seen it yet, then DON'T!!!!!! You will want to slit your wrists and probably hate the actors in this movie as much as I do. By the way...if you ever want to tell one of the actors how pathetic he was in this movie personally... Drop Landers Toyota on Colonel Glenn Road In Little Rock Arkansas and ask for Steve Landers Jr. Have a nice day

I would like to say that even though this was a very low budget film, I mean very low, I thought that it was, to say the least cute. I played the part of the "teacher". I was a substitute teacher that day at the particular school it was filmed at. The kids were great! How I got the part was walking down the hall at the right or wrong time depending on how you take the movie. It was made with very good intentions and good ideas. The only problem was everyone was an amateur. Those kids have grown-up to be great adults and have wonderful jobs and families. There is even a couple of very well off individuals in the group now. I went on to better things and 15 years later decided that that little school was where I wanted to be. I now work there along with one of those "little boys". This movie is great for the kids and parents to watch together, I knew it would never be a block buster, but what fun we had!

this movie is so horrible that i couldn't quit watching it, and then watching it again just to make sure what i saw was real, and then inviting my friends over to show them to make sure that i wasn't the only one seeing this .

basically these 3 kids go on a camping trip, and they have these ridiculous adventures and some parts where they cry over a friend who had died (but the flashbacks almost make u glad the friend isn't alive anymore so that u don't have to look at him). its been a while since i saw this because i have no idea where i could even find it anymore if i tried, but I'm definitely a *different* person for having seen it