Death Bed: The Bed That Eats

I'm not sure what I can add that hasn't already been said in some of these other fine, and quite hilarious, comments, but Ill try.

So you know the plot: there is a bed possessed by a demon that "absorbs" and selectively disintegrates the bodies of whoever (or whatever) lays on it with its orange soda-filled body. We have the man, in some scenes looking uncannily like Robert Smith of The Cure, hanging out inside the wall commenting on the goings-on, and we have our various victims that just cant resist the comfort of this mystical bed.

This is no ordinary bed. No sirree Bob! Not only does it eat people, but it cleans up after itself, draws the covers back, and it even makes itself. Who wouldn't want a bed like that? It can even use its sheets as a rudimentary "lasso" to wrangle escaped victims back in (especially if they're taking up half the length of the film to try and escape).

Our "main" story (if you can call it that), is about these three girls who go out to this remote area to house-sit(??). I don't recall exactly, but it doesn't really matter though as there are plenty of things that defy convention that you just have to give in and accept. The dialogue in the film is like no other; the characters talk to each other seemingly by telepathy as their mouths never seem to move and there is a constant echo. One of our girls believes she isn't liked by the rest of "the gang" and makes sure to tell us all her feelings on this matter through an echoey voice-over, but we don't care; character development was thrown out the window a LONG time before in this film so why start now? There are scenes when the bed laughs, snores, crunches, and makes various other noises that we assume judging by our cast's non-reaction to said noises, cant be heard. This and the telepathy makes the issue of diegesis very difficult to ascertain...but thats OK....this is Death Bed: The Bed That Eats and it defies all logic so its OK. It makes for a lush dreamy quality to this most bizarre film If you buy (hehe buy...did I say "buy"?) this DVD, make sure to check out the introduction by the director. He explains that the filming of this "flick" started in 1972, didn't wrap up until 1977, he shopped it for a few years with no luck, and then fast forward 26 years to 2003 it gets released on DVD. Supposedly someone somewhere had a print of this in some other country and made bootleg after bootleg of it and it was quite by chance, on a message board no less, that our director found evidence that people knew, and gasp! cared, about his little-known film. Its from there that he decided to give it a shot and release it. I'm glad he did. Once you've even so much as heard the title to this film, you MUST see it. I for one am going to buy this and I'm going to preach its gospel around the world...starting with this comment

I first heard of this film courtesy of comedian Patton Oswalt who mentions it in one of his hilarious comedy albums. First off let me say that I consider myself a bad movie connoisseur having sat through my fair share and being a huge fan of things like Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Cinematic Titanic that showcase and make fun of bad movies...

So I ordered Death Bed on Netflix. I have to say the movie is almost exactly like I suspected it would be. I had a hunch, this being a 70s movie, that there would be some nudity and indeed most of the women in the film are naked at one time or another. The movie is slow, tedious and weird but it delivers EXACTLY what the title says, a bed that eats.

The bed does eat. It eats a wide array of things, not just people. This is the sort of "SO BAD IT'S GOOD" cult classic that comes around once in a lifetime. Much like the equally so bad its awesome Manos: The Hands of Fate except this one makes a little more sense and does deliver some decent gore...

All in all I can't say that I'm disappointed, though the movie was by no means good... I'm having trouble rating it out of 10, it's just too darn weird to give a numeric rating to. I recommend it to anyone who wants to see a 100% unique movie. They don't make em like this anymore... in fact they NEVER did.

Exactly what one would expect from a title like that, 'Death Bed: The Bed That Eats' focuses on a possessed bed at an outskirts cottage that dissolves and eventually consumes anyone unfortunate enough to sit or lie on it for extended periods. Considering the noticeably low budget, the special effects are surprisingly decent and the film comes with the odd artistic touch or two, such as a great shot of one victim's dripping blood extinguishing a candle beside the bed. The film also features a lot of uncanny elements throughout, not all of which necessarily gel well. More bizarre than anything the evil bed does (or anything its victims do to futilely stop themselves being eaten) is the poetic voice-over narration throughout, delivered by one of the bed's victims, trapped behind a painting in the room. His eloquent narration is not necessarily a detractor, but it is certainly very, very weird in a possessed inanimate object movie like this. The film's most significant drawback is the acting with the precredits couple in particular offering amateurish turns. If one can get over the second rate acting, strange voice-over narration and such oddities as the bed being spliced into old newsreel footage (!), this is an undeniably unique horror film, and one that - at the very least - manages to makes its possessed object seem sinister without the need to talk or move.

It was a particular killer podcast (wink wink nod nod) that brought my attention to the George Barry 1977 lost horror film, Death Bed: The Bed That Eats. I had never heard of the film previous and any mention in conversation over beds that cause death, I would immediately recall Johnny Depp's fate in A Nightmare on Elm Street.

My curiosity was peaked with the premise. It sounded as ridiculous as Rubber (2010) possibly as outlandish as El Topo (1970), so it was a quick and easy purchase as I turned to Amazon to add to my collection.

Death Bed is simply that. The plot surrounds a bed that eats. Our interest is mainly in the humans to which it consumes, but apples, bottles of wine and even a Pepto Bismol container are all part of the bed's diet throughout the 77-minute running time. It eats through an acidic sudsy substance that overtakes objects laid upon it's mattress.

The bed is fittingly located in a remote area of the countryside and we learn of its history and its thoughts (?) through the narration of a spirit that is imprisoned within a painting kept in the same room as the killer furniture piece.

Mostly, the bed feasts upon travelers, and more specifically during the mid-chapters, on three vacationing women searching for a bed for the night.

We could not ascertain whether writer/director/producer George Barry was looking to make a serious film or if he instead had designs on cinematic glory. But considering the film's overall tones and serious approach to the ridiculous premise, we would suggest the intention was sincere. And with adult moments that included various scenes incorporating female nudity, our case is that much furthered.

Our appreciation for Death Bed: The Bed That Eats might be more of a surprise than the film's plot points. We appreciated the movie for what it attempted and we enjoyed the crunching and munching Mr. King Size did on his adventures. Screened in 2013, we could hardly take it seriously. But it was with a satiric eye opened that we were kept entertained and we understood the cult epic that was unfolding in line with Eraserhead and Pink Flamingos.

Yes, even at under 80-minutes the idea runs its course and outstays its welcome. And yes, there were holes larger than pillowcases that brought out the WTF in us while screening.

Still, the title of the film doesn't hide what George Barry was trying to create. Our world might not be better having watched it, but we are glad we now have a new conversation piece at parties that is designed to garner attention.

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The title brings to mind everything that made 70's-ploitation a thing of wonder. Yet, viewers are to find instead an oddly artistic film with what must be one of the most strangest ideas for a film in all the annals cinema.

Here goes: a demon falls in love with a girl, but she perishes and his sadness infects a bed which then becomes indestructible and develops an insatiable appetite for for pretty much everything, flesh in particular. The soul of one of it's victims now haunts a painting and comments on the carnage the bed reeks. Weird enough for ya? Sloppy, cheap and very amateurish, the film is really hanging at the bottom rung of the budget/talent food chain. The acting is mostly nonexistent (except for the trapped soul, who is pretty good), the sound quality is rough and the picture is faded. Also, the editing needs some serious attention as the pacing for the film is all kinds of wrong.

And yet, the film kept me watching all the way to the end. It wasn't the trashy 70's goods that held on to me (of which, there are actually very little), it was the controlled strangeness of the picture. Unlike many odd-concept/low-budget affairs, the film starts and stays weird, but keeps itself contained; it comes off more artistic than it does simply exploitive.

Technical limitations aside, the movie is interesting, if not all that entertaining. A less budget restricted remake would be nice, but try to take it for what it is.

6/10