The quality of "Art Heist" is exactly what one should expect from a direct-to-video title with no A-list actors. The plot is predictable, the twists are both expected and excessive, the acting is deficient, and the action is banal. However, it manages to be entertaining in spite of its flaws, and ultimately fulfills expectations, provided those expectations are low.
The plot actually had some promise but is ultimately crippled by the "shocking reveals" that fail to surprise or even engage much interest. Every single twist is painfully described and explained by monologues and flashbacks, even though someone with severe sleep deprivation (me) could fully comprehend each one long before it happened. The script further detracts from the plot by adding dull and unrealistic dialogue, portrayed in an implausible manner according to the amateurish directing. Tropes and clichés abound, from the flower cart in the chase sequence to William Baldwin's channeling of John McClane, and plot holes larger than the escape pod in Star Wars will frequently cause exclamations of, "Wait, why didn't they..."
As far as the acting, quite frankly, not one of these actors should hold any more than a bit part in any film. Ellen Pompeo is cute and Baldwin gives hope simply because he looks like brother Alec, and perhaps they could do fine with a decent script and nonpareil directing, but believing in their characters (or almost any other character) requires a suspension of disbelief beyond my abilities. The worst of all is the couple's "adorable blond girl," portrayed by the director's daughter in a performance unworthy of a 3rd grade school play (to put it nicely). On the bright side, the actors with two lines or fewer do fine, and Simón Andreu stands out as quietly plausible in his role as a Russian mobster/ art connoisseur.
The main redemption of this film comes from the visuals and sound. Not from the explosions or the ridiculous sound effects, but from the beautiful aerial shots of Barcelona, exquisite interiors, depictions of the art (although limited), and the touching rendition of Mozart's "Introitus Requiem." And it tries so hard to keep viewers in suspense and invested in the characters (or at least in the stolen paintings), that one cannot help feeling slightly entertained.
If you want to see a masterpiece or a useful addition to the genre, you will be disappointed. If you just want to see some blood and boobs with an R rating, you will be disappointed. If you appreciate art and hope to see a film that does the same, well, you will be disappointed. However, if you, like me, simply want to watch something because you're bored, insomniac, out of good movies, and looking to be occupied and mildly amused, then this may be worth your time, if not your money. I love heist movies, from "Flawless" to "The Fast and the Furious," so I don't regret wasting 98 minutes on this film.
