Señorita Justice

It had been a good, long time since me and my high school buddies sat down to a righteously awful straight-to-video flick. This confused mess fit the bill and then some.

Try to picture a sort of Pam Grier-type exploitation movie but with Cuban Americans and production values that make you wonder if they just strung three episodes of an ethnic soap opera together, and you have some idea what this is like.

With dozens of goofy montages and instances of recycled footage, it has to have more padding than any 80 minute movie I've ever seen. The action sequences are edited badly (tons of dissolves a la "John Carpenter's Vampires"), choreographed worse (looks like they got the guy that did "Mighty Morphin Power Rangers"), and performed horrendously. The ladies are gorgeous, the guys are cheesy and sleazy--pretty much all the prerequisites are met for a raucous evening in front of the tube with friends and beer. Lots of beer. Check it out!

Yes, a waste of time, but goodness that Yancy Mendia girl is cute. Even cuter than Eva. The most ridiculous part of it is the inclusion of Edith Gonzalez in it. She's a big time soap star, so I was quite surprised at her appearance in this. Her accent is quite apparent. Oh, and I also liked that the heroine drove a Nissan 240 in the film. Lol. I'm trying to stretch out this comment because IMDb will not let me post this unless it's at least ten lines long. I don't get it. So I will just write, write and write until it allows me to post this ridiculousness. OK, also, this is the only film where the girl looks cuter in a goofy dress than in her "sexy" garb.

The main reason why I rented this movie was the appearance of Desperate Housewives star Eva Longoria. If you're thinking of doing the same...DON'T! She is barely in this terribly-acted, atrociously-produced movie and it was a complete was of 80 minutes. It's almost like many of these characters have never seen how humans act. The music is way too loud in some places and the songs are second-rate. I must admit, I did watch the entire film to see where this train wreck ended up. Plus, the actors/actresses were very kind to the eyes. That was another reason I kept tuned into this flick. Let's just say this won't be winning many awards.

Let me start by saying this: I wanted to like this movie. However, despite my best efforts, I couldn't bring myself to tolerate this abhorred abomination that this database has deemed a movie. Even the transitions between each vomit inducing scene where terrible. I watched this movie with a friend because we knew one of the leads. I lost both my lunch and my dignity for the 80 minutes I'll never get back. No lie, the friend I watched this with actually became nauseous and left early. Unfortunately, I insisted on watching the rest of this disaster. Eva Longoria is used as window dressing on the cover despite her total screen time of about 3 minutes. The music is putrid, lighting and shots abysmal, and the fight scenes are worse than any STUDENT film I've ever seen. Myself having made a few amateur fight videos, let me say that me and 3 random people off the street could have created better. The next time a production company wants to throw thousands in the toilet, I'd appreciate it if they could do it in a way that doesn't send viewers racing to the toilet as well.

I cannot believe anyone would think this is a 'good' movie. It's only good for laughs as the acting is so terrible it is laugh out loud funny. When Senorita Justice straps on her guns they are so huge she can barely walk and they go missing from scene to scene, one minute she has them then they are gone, must be the magic of cinema. If you like to laugh at bad movies watch this you'll crack up every five minutes. The fight scenes are too much it looks like all the actors are really trying to remember what the stunt folks told them...Let see do I punch him then kick, or was it kick then punch..gosh this is hard. Anyhoo need to get my ten lines in.